Broken Dolls
by EdenJaded
Summary: Neeka is the daughter of Rikku and Gippal. When her parents marriage is thrown into turmoil she struggles to understand the increasing coldness, why it happened and how to deal with the rollercoaster of life itself. FINAL CHAPTER UP, STORY COMPLETE.
1. Blissful Ignorance

**Broken Dolls**

_Rated T_

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_**"To everyone in Spira my family was perfect, it was perfect ... to everyone else but us that is"**_

**Neeka is a fifteen yr girl, the daughter of Rikku and Gippal infact, an original story as Neeka struggles to understand her parents increasing coldness towards each other, how it happened and why**

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** Chapter One:**

To everyone in Spira my family was perfect

My mother Rikku, was a summoners guardian, the Al Bhed princess, she helped save Spira twice and she led the Sanubian and Bikanel digs.

My father was some sort of Machina prodigy, helped defeat Vegnagun, fought in the Al Bhed war and was leading the Machine Faction at 19

Such people should make the perfect family, but they didn't.

Neeka walked into the dull kitchen, her family moved around Spira so much, that her mother Rikku had given up trying to decorate, other then a few homely touches.

The kitchen was bland place full of beiges and browns.

Around a simple circular wooden table sat one of the most famous Al Bhed families in Spira.

Her mother Rikku was a woman to idolize, beautiful with an endless amount of energy, she had the stressful job of running both the Sanubia and Bikanel desert excavation teams, sometimes she did it with ease, other times you could find her with her head in hair hands next to a packet of panadol.

Seated opposite her mother was her father Gippal. Gippal was a strong proud man, he ran the Machine Faction, a team now solely devoted to Machina technology and research. Currently he was poring over the 'Spiran Gazette', coffee in hand and shaking his head at an article that critizied one of Baralai's polical decisions.

"I told him it would backfire" Gippal said

"The Bandai's attacking Bevelle had nothing to do with the Baralai cutting the Military budget" Rikku said, sipping her tea and studying a clipboard intently

"A bit of a coincidence that the Bandai's attacked as soon as Bevelle defence was cut in half" Dad said agressively

"Baralai made that announcement two days before the attack, the Bandai's raid went without a flaw, they needed more then two days to plan it ... it has to of been a coincidence Gippal" Rikku said, looking up from her clipboard.

"Who really cares? I'm sicking of hearing about it" My brother said loudly interrupting our parents. My brother Khan was sixteen, soon to be seventeen. Khan was a spitting image of our father in looks and personality, he absolutely idolized dad.

Khans dream was to run the Machine Faction one day as and right now he sat at the table tinkering with some broken Machina called "Osirius VA18"

My brother was right though, we were all sick of hearing about the Bandai's raid on Bevelle.

The Bandai's were a misfit group devoted to uncovering the secrets of Yevon that has still not been uncovered, and too prove to Spira that Baralai, the Bevellian leader was really an evil dictator who wanted to resurrect the Yevon beliefs and take over the rest of Spira ... of course the Bandai's were insane, but it still didn't stop them from causing problems.

Just last week the Bandai's stormed into Bevelle, terrified the citizens, fought the surprised soldiers with ease and raided the temple, the several Bandai's that raided the temple while the battle was raging still hadn't submerged, many believed they had lost their way in the dark depths of the temple and starved to death, other believed they had gotten away after all.

No-one really knew so everyone just concentrated on who to shove the blame on to ... they chose Baralai, who just two days before the attack, had announced publicly that he had recently cut the Bevelle defense budget and decided to spend more on education instead.

"Who in their right mind would announce the budget cuts publicly" Dad said, putting extra strain on the word publicly.

"Bevellians have a right to know where their taxes are going" Mum said offhandedly as she bit her lip and stared at some complicated figures on her clipboard.

"I might have to stay back at the Bikanel camp tonight" she added

"Why?" I asked disappointedly, we had plans to go out into Luca tonight

"Mishaai messed up some co-ordinates last night and we lost three weeks of work' Mum said exhaustedly

"Mishaai's always been a complete moron, demote him and send him to the faction and I'll give him some filing to do" Dad said smirking.

"Mishaai has his flaws but he's useful" Mum defended

Dad rolled his eyes and went back to the paper, mum always got defencive when he tried to interfere with her work, even when she knew he was right and dad got just as snappy if mum tried to interfere with the Faction.

Mum looked at the clock on the wall and pulled sun streaked blonde hair into a ponytail then she pored her remaining tea down the sink.

"Well I gotta go now kiddo's" and then she hugged me from behind and kissed my cheek and apologized for breaking our Luca plans and that she would make it up to me.

I knew never take that seriously though ... Mishaai would always loose co-ordinates, they would always make a huge new find, mum would always find a huge breakthrough in her research, it never really ended.

Mum ruffled Khans hair and stared down proudly at the fixed "Osirius VA18" which was crawling around the table and headbutting the cereal box.

"wow you fixed one of the smallest fiddliest Machinas ever invented in 30 minutes"  
Mum laughed, she was always positively thrilled when we did something clever with Machina, regardless, while dad always pushed us to improve the perfect.

"Bye Gippal" Mum said with disinterest and walked out the door.

Dad just grunted in response, and didn't look up from his paper.

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_(Incredibly short, but I just wanted to introduce the family, if u sensed some sort of coldness between Rikku and Gippal you weren't imagining it, I just wanted to do something different, fan fiction based on them two seems to focus more on them two falling in love, but I wanted to focus on the angst of married life, I do realize that Rikku and Gippal did not seem very canon, that was intentional ... there true selves are lurking just beneath all the angst of their "perfect" marriage)_  



	2. Rude Awakening

_Chapter dedicated to:_

_**Madmaz**_

_**Randomcat23**_

_Without them telling me it wasn't worthless this chapter would of taken me a whole lot longer to write._

_And here it is! Chapter 2 please enjoy_

**Chapter 2:**

Neeka pulled out her long tattered diary, she rarely used it although she had make a commitment to write in it everyday.

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_Howdy Diary,_

_It's never a nice thing when you realize that your life might not be everything you gave it credit for, that somewhere in your observations of life you missed, or quite frankly ignored something very big, and when you finally stop ignoring it, well lets just say it changes everything._

_I suppose it was an ordinary day to begin with, it started with breakfast as usual._

_We were all seated around the plain circular table._

_Khan was completely enthralled with Machina Magazine, smiling in wonder like he had never seen a machine before. _

_Mum was staring at her clipboard, for once her lips were curved in a wicked smile._

_Dad was bored, so he was picking at every article in the "Spiran Gazette" _

_I was flicking little machine shaped cereal pieces in Khans hair, smirking and waiting for him to notice._

_Then mum made an announcement._

_"Yunie is having a get together in Besaid tonight" Mum said energetically, her blonde pony tail bouncing_

_Khan broke his hypnotized like gaze from Machina Magazine_

_"And we can actually go?' He said with uncertainty_

_"The excavation teams are back on schedule so they don't need me to stay back"_

_I felt a tingle of excitement well up_

_"Gippal?" Mum said frowning_

_"Oh, yeah I guess I can go" Dad said offhandedly_

_"The faction running fine?" Mum said her voice tinged with slight sarcasm._

_"Of course, the Faction rarely makes mistakes after all, and they can handle it themselves when they do" Dad said._

_Mum gritted her teeth and went back to her clipboard._

_If looks could kill ..._

_That was the morning, like I said it was just average, nothing out of the ordinary._

_The afternoon went average, nothing out of the ordinary._

_Nothing out of the ordinary was my world, I hated it but mum and dad said I should embrace having a normal 'calm', life._

_So I pottered around the house, praying Mishaai the moron wouldn't mess anything up and ruin our night, I watched the clock eagerly, my own blonde ponytail bouncing enthusiastically._

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"A loud knock on Neeka's door interrupted her entry

"Neeka have you been stealing my screwdrivers again, I TOLD YOU NOT TO, they're the expensive ones, USE DADS to build your creepy little robot" Khan shouted.

"SHUTUP KHAN, I haven't taken your stupid screwdriver, look under your bed"

Khan mumbled something unintelligible and left her alone

She went straight back to her diary entry and continued to write about last night.

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_Besaid was completely alive that night bonfires burned left right and center, everyones was laughing, their feet padded the warm sand as they prepared to dance the night away._

_Dad scanned the area for Uncle Tidus_

_Mum hugged Auntie Yunie, actually she pretty much jumped on her. Now they were rolling around on the sand laughing._

_Vidina and Khan embraced each other with a manly one armed hug, asked how each other was and begun to scan the beach for what they called "talent"_

_"Aunt Yunie wheres Leia" I asked interrupting my aunt and mum_

_"Leia's been kidnapped by Asha, they'll be on the island somewhere" Yunie said_

_Leia is my cousin, Yuna and Tidus's only child, shes two years younger then me. _

_I didn't see her often and we didn't have that much in common, but I still liked her a lot._

_If your wondering who Asha was well ..._

_Asha is the crazy flirtatious daughter of Nooj and Le Blanc, I knew I didn't have too look for my cousin and Ash, once Ash heard word that my brother was on the island she would come running._

_So I waited, observing my watch with a self satisfied smile, and sure enough three and a half minutes later Asha came running out of the temple, patting her hair down and dragging my poor cousin Leia with her_

_"Neeka your here" Asha cried dramatically, kissing each of my cheeks._

_"Khans on the beach" I said plainly_

_"Thanks loves" ... and Asha left in a hurry_

_Leia looked relieved._

_"Thanks Neeks, she tried putting orange eyeshadow on me"_

_Up in the distance I could hear Wakka's loud accented voice summoning everyone up to the beach for ''speech time"_

_Everyone made their way over to the beach where Yuna sat on Tidus's lap, they were managing to kiss, hug and giggle all at the same time._

_"Isn't it awful" Leia said with disgust_

_"What is?" I asked curiously_

_"My parents are always like that, seriously I know like they're in love and everything but honestly sometimes I think they're gonna do it on the couch while I'm trying to watch SphereVision." Leia said halfjokingly_

_"You'd rather they not be so affectionate to each other?" I asked, surprising myself with this question_

_"I guess it's kind of cool, just embarrassing ... severely, severely embarrassing" Leia replied heartily_

_"hmm" I replied offhandedly, but Leia didn't notice._

_"Why don't my parent's act like that to each other, aren't they in love too?"_ I remember questioning silently.

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Neeka shut her journal and hid her it under her matress, a trick she'd borrowed from Khan, which he used when he wanted to hide magazines that weren't exacly "Machina Magazine"

She then lay on her bed, watching the ceiling trying to block out the sound as her parents sniped at each other.

She wondered if Khan ignored it.

**_(more dialogue in that chapter, basic recap is Neeka has had a realization. The whole Besaid get-together was a bit cliche but it was the best way to make my point. I wouldn't really expect to see Leia, Yuna, Tidus and so on very much, Asha doesn't even have a point but I couldn't bear to delete her. Still not 100 happy with this chapter)_**


	3. Devastation

**Hi Everyone**

**This chapter contains some Al Bhed, but don't worry, translations will be directly under it.**

**Oh yes _Disclaimer_ time ahem**

**I don't own squaresoft or any of it's characters ... because if I did we would have X-3**

**Chapter 3:**

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_"How quick the sun can, drop away_

_And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass_

_Of what was everything" _

_- **Black** by Pearl Jam_

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In my first days of 'awareness' I begun to take note of how my parents interacted with each other. I knew I shouldn't doubt my parents relationship.

I mean if my parents marriage had lasted almost eighteen years they must love each other right?

But deep down in my heart, a little flicker of wiseness told me to stop being so damn niave.

I would do anything to prove myself wrong, absolutely anything.

I stopped jogging and collapsed into a heap on the pleasantly warm sand, then took this moment in an attempt to relax and atleast least try to forget the problem that continued to plague me, I closed my eyes and begun to think, but my thoughts immediately snapped back to how happy and affectionate Tidus and Yuna looked that night.

Part of me wished I had never gone to Besaid.

I still had my eyes closed when the all too familiar sound of my brothers sniggering snapped them open

"What ar -" I started but stopped at the sight of the current object of my lust, as cliche as it was, my brothers best friend.

"G'day Gippals girl" Jame said.

Jame had borrowed that notorious nick name from my father who used to call mum "Cids girl" but he hadn't called mum that in quite a few years.

Khan rolled his eyes "Dad wants ya"

"Later Neeks" Jame said as him and Khan begun to trudge through the sand.

"Where are you two going?" I asked in a high pitched yell, I couldn't help the words from falling out of my mouth.

"No you cant come!" Khan yelled back no even turning around

"Meanie" I muttered.

As I made her way up the house, I noticed how ugly it was, I wish they'd paint it.

When I came to the door of the house I heard slight snippets of my parent's _private _conversation,

I knew it was meant to be private because Dad kept speaking in a low voice and looked edgily around the room.

"I wish you'd just tell me about her" Mum said in a low hiss, I heard the acid in mums voice and cringed

"It's not like that I - " Dad tried

I interrupted the conversation by noisily opening the worn screen-wire door, I knew I shouldn't of done that, but a part of me just didn't want to know.

"Princess" Dad stated loudly, relief evident in his voice.

"Dad" I said warily

Mum was leaning against the fridge, she had her arms crossed looking plainly furious and glare etched upon her sickened face.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, playing the part of an innocent child.

"It always is" Mum spat sarcastically and stalked out of the kitchen

My body went numb and I begun to feel slightly sick 'I wish you'd just tell me about her' echoed loudly in the depths of my mind. I wasn't stupid, I wasn't that naive, my legs begun to move and I found myself in my room, I slammed the door and fell against it.

The sun streamed through my window but nothing felt right anymore, I no longer felt motivated to even prove my insecurities wrong.

Everything was as clear as water in a jar, why should I even bother?

Desperately I wanted Mum and Dad to come up to my room like they used to, and say that it was just a silly argument and when two people are so alike they can't help but argue sometimes ... but they didn't.

I could hear my mum crashing around in the kitchen, messily preparing dinner, and dad slamming his workshop door.

I leaned against the door, just wanting to hear the noise of my parents playfully chasing each other around the house, or even just to laugh, like they were happy

I wanted dad to apologize for what ever he'd done and for mum to accept it.

I knew it would never happen like that though, I had never seen such a disgusted look on my mums face, this is what made me scared more then ever.

Mum was too angry this time, and dad was just too stubborn to care, I wished Khan would come home.

Dinner was the worst

I tried to eat in some sort of attempt to make mum happy

Dad thrashed around with his food noisily making me and mum jump.

Mum didn't eat at all.

Khan came home, finally, halfway through dinner, tried to apologize for being late but was silenced by mums glare, he sheepishly grabbed his plate and sat down quietly like a terrified kitten.

Minutes passed and the tension was so suffocating that one of us had to speak so we could all breath again.

"Why don't you call mum 'Cids Girl' anymore dad?" I asked innocently

I heard the knifes and forks of the entire table clatter as everyone dropped them.

I expected mum to quickly change the subject and give me a 'warning look' but she simply stared at dad with big, innocent child like eyes and waited for him to answer.

I had certainly caught dad of guard, it was such a rare thing and it might of been amusing under other circumstances.

"Because we're married ... and we're forty" Dad said awkwardly

"Thirty nine Gippal, I'm thirty nine" mum snapped

"I know that Rikku" He said rubbing his temples.

"What has being married got to do with anything" I pressed

"It just does okay Neeka!" He only ever used my full name when he was angry

"What the hell is wrong with everyone tonight?" Khan said angrily

Mum glared at Dad

"What!" He demanded

"Tell your son what is wrong with everyone tonight"

"Your mother and I have had a slight disagreement and we are both sorry you had to witness it" Dad said calmly

"slight, you call what you did slight?" Mum said in a voice so cold I would preferred her to scream.

"Fro tu oui ymfyoc ryja du zisb du luhlmiceuhc?" Dad shouted furiously  
_"Why do you always have to jump to conclusions?"_

""Fro fuimt druca baubma dryd fymgat eh uh oui dfu mea?"" Mum said quietly, she didn't sound angry just hurt.  
_"Why would those people that walked in on you two lie?"_

I knew then it just wasn't some simple argument, because whenever mum and dad begun arguing in Al Bhed it meant that they were trying to shelter us from something, of course Khan and I were fluent in Al Bhed but they seemed to be forgetting us.

"Fuimt oui zicd keja sa druca 'baubma' hysac?" Dad demanded  
_"Would you just give those 'people' names?"_

"Mega ramm E femm" Mum snapped  
_"Like hell I will"_

"Cu oui dnicd dras suna dras sa ec dryd fryd ouin cyoehk?" Dad asked  
_"So you trust them more them me is that what your saying?"_

Mum didn't bother with Al Bhed this time

"Yes Gippal, quite frankly I do trust them 'people' more then you"

Without another word she got up and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me and Khan in a stunned silence.

Dad got up, went to his workshop and slammed the door so hard the entire house shook.

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A/N: can you guess what Gippal done?) heh, anyway I tried to make this chapter longer but it felt right to end it here, personally this is my favourite chapter and i'm proud to of completed it, i hope it's not too rushed)****  
**

**Review Replies**

_**Randomcat23**_  
Great you noticed tension, I tried as hard as I could to get that across, you've made me a very happy girl

_**Madmaz**_  
Glad you liked the journal idea, I was afraid switching from third person to first person would confuse people ... and Yunies family might possibly make another appearance win**k**

_**FlyHigh4Life**_  
Thanks for the lovely review, yay you think i'm orginal! lol


	4. Rogue Emotion

_Hi Everyone_

_Chapter Four is here, hope you all like it_

**WARNING:**

This chapter contains underage drinking so if you'll get offended by it don't read

**Chapter Four:**

The weeks that followed had a unusual sort of calmness about them.

I should of embraced the fact that the fighting had stopped, but I didn't because my parents were doing something so much worse then fighting with each other ... they were ignoring each other.

They refused to look at each other, speak to each other, no acknowledgment what so ever.

The air was so tense it made my stomach turn and Khan and I skirted around our parents like scared rabbits.

Night was beginning to fall, another day much alike the last had passed and the air was becoming too heavy to breath

I needed to get away, and I saw my chance when Khan walked out the door, I caught a glimpse of him messily spiking his hair and I knew he was going out.

"Khan" I called quickly, all most kicking down the old fly wire door.

"Oh yeah sissy, can you tell mum I prolly wont come home tonight" Khan said with relief

"Why can't you tell her?" I asked

"Tried, mum screamed go away, guess she thought I was dad" Khan said with a shrug, he didn't look very concerned but Neeka could see a glimmer of worry in his intense green eyes.

"Where are you going?" I questioned, changing the subject.

"No you cant come" Khan said quickly, after spending fifteen years in my company he could easily read my mind.

"Khan, please?" I asked in my most shrilly whine.

"Sissy its just going to be me, Jame and the guys, you'll be bored" Khan reasoned

I looked desperately back at the house and said quietly "Don't make me stay here"

Khan looked incredibly conflicted, he bit his lip back, then rubbed the back of his head with his hand and looked at our house, he shook his head and said

"Fine, if your that desperate to get out"

Immense relief washed over me and I automatically hugged my surprised brother who pushed me of him because he just fixed his hair.

Me and Khan walked through the desert trail for twenty minutes or so, not many people could handle living in the desert because of the intense heat and the views were hardly panoramic, it was just endless dunes of sand, but my brother and I had grown up in Sanubia and Bikanel.

Our parents had taught us from an early age of the importance of the desert, it was such a large part of the Al Bhed heritage and Khan and I had been taught to never be ashamed of our heritage, and embrace it instead, that was exactly what we did.

The desert was a source of comfort for us, we thought it was beautiful.

Khan and I arrived at a dusty pale blue house surrounded by cacti and a rusty old gate, loud music blared, Khan knocked on the door while I lurked behind him nervously, I had hardly met any of Khans friends, let alone been to one of their parties.

Jame opened the door, beer in hand and beckoned us in.

"Hey it's Gippals girl, I see your brother finally let you out" Khan said, he looked pleasantly surprised

"Keep Kiyak and his idiot friend away from her mate" Khan said dead serious.

"Course I will" Jame said, then he threw me a beer and said "welcome to the dark side"

Khan looked like he wanted to snatch it away, but instead he took a deep breathe and told me no more then two.

I curiously tasted the beer and nearly choked on the vile taste but I drank it anyway, then I followed Khan into Jame's backyard where a small group of people were sitting and chatting.

"Guys, this is my little sister Neeka" Khan quickly introduced.

Everyone smiled, said hi, eyed me up and down and then went back to their conversation.

As everyone started to get more into there beers, I begun to grow more and more bored, every now, one of Khans friends would come up to me and make polite conversation, but then Khan would give them a 'warning look' that looked suspiciously like mums, then they would get up to get another drink and never come back.

By the end of the night I was almost convinced staying home in that awkward silent house would be more fun then watching a bunch of drunken strangers.

I finally decided to just go home, at least I had gotten out of the house for awhile.

As I made my way to the front door Jame tapped my shoulder.

"Going home?" He asked

"Yeah, I take it Khans sleeping here" I smirked, thinking of my brother who last I saw was running around the yard like a drunken chocobo.

"Want me to walk you home?" He asked

I gave him a strange look, to which he begun to laugh.

"Don't worry, I'm hardly going to violate my best mates sister ... without his permission anyway" Jame with a wink

I blushed slightly and tried to figure out if he was joking, it was hard to tell with Jame, he had such a carefree nature.

The silence could be considered awkward as we walked, could be, but not to someone who had been living in a silent war zone for the past month

"I'm surprised Khan bought you here tonight"

"I really need to get out of the house"

"Khan told me your folks are having some problems, sorry about that"

"Its been hard" I admitted, my heart was no longer beating madly, it was just consumed with the sadness of my parents problems.

"It's never easy" Jame said quietly

Uneasy silence polluted the air, the only sound of shoes, and the crunching of sand.

"You speak from experience?" I asked, I wish I had stopped myself, I felt so rude but Jame didn't seem to mind.

"My mum left when I was eleven, shes in Luca now" Jame said, his expression never changed but I saw a flash of unimaginable hurt and anger in his eyes.

"Whats it like? living with one parent I mean?" I asked solemnly

"It's hard ... at first, because you miss them so much, then it gets better I guess, you just get used to it" Jame said, staring at the ground.

I was so deep in thought I didn't notice just how close to the house we were.

Apparently Jame did, he watched transfixed as Gippal stood outside the house, hoisting something into our hover.

"I better go, before your dad asks what I'm doing with his princess and Khan notices were both missing at the same time" Jame said jokingly

"yeah" I said with a laugh

"Hey do you think maybe some time we could -" Jame started

"NEEKA" Dad yelled, spotting us

"Cya Neeks" and Jame begun to run as fast as humanly possible.

Anticipating the worst, I walked up to the house but my eyes weren't transfixed on my fathers angry face ... it was tranfixed on the 'something' that dad has hoisted in the hover.

It was a suitcase

"Dad" I said slowly, wanting an explanation, where was he going? I thought desperately

"Where were you" He interrupted

"With Khan" I said innocently

"And where was Khan?"

"Jame's"

"Who was the person with you before?"

"He was walking me home"

"I asked WHO he was, not what he was doing"

"Jame"

"Wheres Khan?"

"Jame's"

"I'll deal with him later"

"How? you wont be here will you" I said boldly

My father glanced guiltily at the hover

"Look I'm just going to stay at Jose for a few days ... work related" Dad said quickly

"Don't insult my intelligence" I snapped with angry glare

He laughed slightly "Alright you caught me out, I have to leave for a bit because well ... your mum says I have to" Dads eyes travelled to the window where mum stood there with a hard glare, then he looked back at me.

"It wont be too long" Dad assured

"Promise?" I begged sadly

"Bye Princess" Dad said smiling sadly, then he got into the hover and sped off into the cold desert night, I felt my heart breaking.

Tears begun to fall from my face and I looked desperately at Mum in the window but she was watching the swirling dust that had been lifted from the hover ... she was crying too.

I then walked into the lonely house that was no longer a source of comfort, it would be broken, just like the broken dolls we now were.

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**A/N: **_awww, Rikku kicked Gippal out, sorry if the Neeka at Khans friends party thing bored you but it was necessary, I just wanted to show you Neeka desperate to get out of the ''silent war zone'', I also wanted you too see Khans protectiveness of her and I wanted Neeka to talk to Jame about divorce so she could get a glimpse of what it's like, it wasn't as long as I intended but I have a feeling next chappie will be longer ... hope you all liked it ... review pretty please? _**  
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**Review Replies:**

_**FlyHigh4Life:**_  
hehe, your a perceptive one, I like you even more! don't worry something will happen all right, lol

_**Randomcat23:**_  
Yay, this is one of your favorites! you have no idea how good that feels and as for Gippals "activities" ... all will be revealed next chapter


	5. Truth

**a/n:**It's been over a week since my last update, don't make me feel worse, read pathetic excuse at bottom of chapter ... here is chapter 5**

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**Chapter 5: Truth**

My world had come crashing down around me, everything was to dust.

My house might of collapsed but I wouldn't know, because I was transfixed on my mothers heartbroken face.

My heartbreak turned to anger and before I knew it, or can even help it I was screaming at my mum.

"How could you make him leave like that" I shrieked

Mum tried to open her mouth to speak but I refused to stop screaming everything that had been bottled up for the last month

I eventually stopped, when my voice was too hoarse to speak and I begun to cry histerically.

Mum hugged me, I tried to push her away at first but then I just gave up, fell into her arms and cried my heart out.

"I'm sorry baby, but you must of knew it was going to happen" Mum said softly, speaking through my hair

"But why?" I sobbed

"Wash your face, sit down and i'll get you a glass of water"

I obediently washed my face, the cold water felt good against my skin and I begun to feel slightly calmer.

I sat down at the wooden circular table and quietly sipped on my glass of water.

Mum pulled her chair next to me and took a deap breathe, I listened with anticipation half dreading and half welcoming the truth.

"A couple of years ago your dad and I begun to have some problems, we didn't think much of them at first, we just kind of expected them to go away, of course they didn't and we both begin to throw ourselves into our work ... even more then usual at Khan and yours expense and for that i'm sorry"

"But what did dad do"

"Started spending more nights at D'Jose then he needed too"

"He had an affair didn't he" I asked quietly, a few rogue tears begun to drip onto the table.

"Having not had" she answered a flash of anger sparking in her eyes.

"How long have you known?"

"I guess I always kind of knew, call it intuition"

"What do you mean?"

"It's like ... say ... remember when when your cat Misty got hit by a hover and you didn't know about it but you just felt something was wrong all day till you found Misty in the driveway"

"yeah ... so you kind of knew something had changed with Dad"

"yes, i knew something wasn't right in our marriage"

"Why didn't you make him leave sooner?"

"I didn't want to hurt you and Khan but there was only so much I could take ... he didn't even admit anything ... until tonight anyway"

"Why would he do this to us" I whispered

"Many reasons probably ... we argued a lot, the opportunity was there and it probably gave him some sort of twisted ego boost" Mum answered bitterly

Time came to a stand still and neither my mother or I spoke for some time till a hint of sun begun to filter through the cracks in the kitchens blinds.

My numb thoughts were interruped as mum begged me to get some sleep, I shifted my gaze from my empty water glass and looked mums paled face.

I didn't remotely feel like sleeping, but I also didn't feel like sitting at an empty table staring at an empty water glass all morning.

I made my way to my dark room and sat on my bed, suddenly my whole body ached with exhaustion, so I climbed under the covers and did something I hadn't done in quite some time, I hugged my battered old moogle doll that I had had since an infant.

Then I begun to drift of into an uneasy sleep.

A loud noise coming from the kitchen woke me up, I guessed I had only had several hours sleep and the afternoon sun wreaked havoc on my eyeballs as I opened them.

I rolled out of my bed, blankets twisted around my ankles and stumbled towards the door.

Making my way through the hallway the noise become somewhat distinguishable and I realised it was Grandpa Cid's voice, and he was banging violently on the outside window with his walking stick, demanding to be let inside the house.

Mum was either too exhausted to wake up, or she was had been ignoring him all morning.

I, however was desperately happy to see him, probably more then I had ever been, so I ran outside the house and nearly knocked Cid down with a hug.

Cid never saw it coming because he was too busy nosing through the windows, trying to sense movement behind the curtains.

"Good lord girlie, bout bloody time someone came out here" Cid said, trying to sound angry but failing miserably.

"Sorry pops, we were sleeping" I said sincerley

"Hmph, could of swore I saw someone moving behind those curtains 20 minutes ago" said Cid skeptically

"Your imagination pops" I replied smoothly

"It's wasn't my damn imagination, you youth think your so -"

"POPS" Mum called angrily, stepping out of the house

"There ya are girlie" Pops said pleased

"Why are you are?" she asked coldly

"Wheres that husband of yours?"

"POPS, i don't need a lecture" Mum argued

For the first time pops seemed genuinly confused

"I just came to ask about that funny project I don't like thats going on at D'Jose, sheesh this family has a temper ... doesn't come from my side, my side don't have bad tempers" Cid muttered

"So you don't know" Mum pressed suspiciously

"Know what ... and for god sakes girlie where is he?" Cid whined

Mum groaned and beckoned him inside the house, I went to follow but mum told me to stay outside. I moodily begun to trace my name in the warm desert sand.

I immediently knew Pops had been told of father dearests infidelity when he begun yelling as loud as mum and dad combined.

"Dryd muf meva beala uv clis" Cid shrieked  
_The low-life piece of scum_

"Lyms tufh Bubc" I heard mum yelp  
_Calm down Pops_

Even though I was angry beyond belief at my dad, I still didn't like to hear him abused like that.

"Ra fyc sayhd du fyed ihdem Neeka fyc 16"  
_He was meant to wait until Neeka was 16_

"Fryd tevvanahd fuimt uv y vaf suhdrc uv syta?" Mum said bitterly  
_What different would of a few months of made_

"You should never of married him, you should of stuck with Mishaai, didn't I always tell you that? Mishaai wouldn't do something like this" Pops growled in Spiran

"Vydran, I really don't want to hear this right now" Mum said quietly, emotion starting to seep into her voice.  
_Father, I really don't want to hear this right now_

"What was meant to happen when I was 16" I thought furiously, what else were they keeping from me?

Obviously they thought I couldn't be trusted, I thought hastily, so I decided to eavesdrop when mum and pops finally stopped yelling.

"Ruf yna oy taymeh' fedr ed ymm" Cid said as sympathetically as the crusty old man could manage.  
_How are ya dealin' with it all_

"I just ..." Mum started, before bursting into tears.

My stomach cringed as this happened, It had all suddenly become vividly real as mum begun to cry. Dad cheated on mum, this isn't a dream. Mum is crying.

It broke my heart

"Ruf puid oui kad yfyo vun y vaf tyoc, ku ib du dryd meddma ruica uv seha eh dra Suuhvmuf yht e'mm kad Pnudran du cdyo rana yht gaab yh aoa uh dra ouidr?"  
_How bout you get away for a few days, go up to that little house of mine in the Moonflow and i'll get Brother to stay here and keep an eye on the youth?_

Between my mothers sobs I heard her cry out a strangled yes ... and then my stomach cringed again.

Brother was coming _here_, need I say more?

It was selfish of me to be thinking of that right now, but I couldn't ignore the terror being stuck into my heart as I thought of the irresponsible fashion disaster that was my uncle.

Then I heard my mother begun to cry harder and suddenly Brother coming was pushed to the very back of my thoughts.

I stopped eavesdropping through the flywire door when I noticed a dishivelled looking figure make his way towards the house.

Khan looked a wreck with his messy hair and he was holding his head like it had been attacked with a hammer.

When he found out about dad his headache was going to get a whole lot worse.

"Khan" I called out

"You could of told me you were leaving last night sissy , walking home by yourself was stupid" Khan said with a scathing glare

"Sorry, but you were too pre occupied with being a drunken chocobo" I snarled

"No need to get fiesty ... don't tell dad either" Khan added quickly

"I'm not going to waste a trip on D'Jose on that" I said coldly, turning my back on him and opening the flywire door.

"Why would dad be in D'Jose -" Khan started, didn't finish his sentence

He stopped in the doorway, confused by our crying mother and our grandfathers presence.

"Where is dad" He whimpered, it was amazing how much a 16 yr boy could sound like a child.

"Ya fathers a cheating loser whos abandoned his family for his secretary down in D'Jose" Cid snarled, gripping his walking stick.

"VYDRAN" my mother yelled

_FATHER_

Another arguement between Cid and mum broke out, but I don't think Khan noticed it, he stared at the floor crestfallen as his world fell to dust.

I had never seen anyone so pale, his usual tan had now become a pasty brown.

Then he walked to his room and quietly shut the door ... we didn't hear from again until later that night.

As sympaphetic as I was feeling towards my brother, him bouncing a blitzball of his wall for several hours in a row was beggining to get on my nerves, especially when his room was next to mine.

Mum had left for the Moonflow a few hours ago and the house was completely silent except for the banging that occured every five seconds.

It was almost a relief when I heard a hover pull up, _almost._

I reluctantly walked to the door to let my uncle and a strange woman inside our house.

Brother looked ridiculous as usual, with his dyed mohawk, eccentric makeup and odd choice of clothes.

The woman with him who would probably be his girlfriend had a peaceful sort of air about her, she extremely long chestnut hair and large wide spaced eyes ... and like Brother she had a very odd taste in clothes. She was neither beautiful not ugly.

"Neeka!" Brother shrieked in a high pitch voice, then he engulfed me in a large hug. Suddenly I was grateful for his presence and felt slightly bad about not wanting him to come.

"Neeka this is Fshea, my girlfriend" He added in his loud accented voice.

"Hello little one ... where is the other?" She asked calmly, she had a soft, floaty kind of spaced out voice.

"Yes! where is the Khan?" Uncle Brother asked eagerly.

"KHAN" I called

No answer, but the banging of the blitzball against his wall ceased

"Brothers and ... Fshea are here" I added

There was still no answer, now I was convinced he was ignoring us because the banging of the bliztball started again.

Brother walked to Khans bedroom door, Fshea trailed behind him.

"KHAN OPEN THE DOOR" Brother yelled

"Open the door little one" Fshea added sweetly

"Leave me alone" Khan replied coldly

"KHAN" Brother yelled.

I felt like banging my head against the wall as Brother became increasingly angry.

This was going to be a long couple of days.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** Sorry this took about a week for a update, school started again and I've come home too tired, with too much homework to write ... but it's Friday night and I've finished this chapter. Not really an original thing Gippal did, but it suited my plot the best. Next chapter will be called "Visiting Day", you may be able to guess what it is about ... all i'll say is that we will finally see someone elses point of view on the whole thing, guess who? lol. Remember Review!

**Review Replies:**

**Madmaz**: As always your lovely reviews warmed my heart, thank you for giving me confidence. I'm so happy you like it!

**Dale:**Thanks for the review Dale! I'm trying my hardest not to rush the storyline, i'm glad you noticed.

**Crazy j.d: **Thanks for reviewing!

**Randomcat23**:I make your day! wow, well you totally make my week, lol, beat that:) lol, I like the interaction between Khan and Neeka as well, I think it's cute.

**Flyhigh4life:** Sorry I kept you hanging on Gippals activities, it was hardly original and you guessed it anyway but I hope your not disapointed!


	6. Visiting Day

**Chapter 6: Visiting Day**

**a/n: Heres Chapter 6**

* * *

Two months ago, if someone had told me that I'd be sitting around the usual circular table with an increasingly moody Khan, a dim-witted Brother, his odd girlfriend Fshea while my father was at D'Jose Temple and my mother was currently crying her eyes out in the Moonflow ... I'd tell them they'd been hanging around Machina oil a little too long. 

The nightmare was real though, over the last few days it sunk in, nothing was going to change that.

So everyday I had did the best I could, I even let Fshea push me into meditating with her, with was a big mistake because I am just one of those people incapable of sitting still.

So when your cooped up in such a miserable hole for several days, you feel an insane urge to leave the miserable hole in question.

So cleverly devised a plan to 'casually' walk passed Jame's house, of course just as I was about to walk out the door the Commsphere begun flashing for the first time in days.

I hoped it wasn't dad, I just didn't know what to say to him, and it would be hard to speak to him with an extremely angry Brother lurking about.

We were all very lucky he had his unatural calm girlfriend with him, you do not know true annoyance till you listened to Brother rant for hours on end.

Looking into the Commsphere, I saw the caller was mum and my mood came slightly out of the dumps.

Mum looking quite pale, but when she saw my face hers brightened up considerably.

At least she looked a little bit better, I thought gratefully, a smile broke through her depressed mask.

"Princess, how are you"

There were so many answers to that question

I was angry

I was hurt

I was confused and I was completely lost

but the simple emotionless words "I'm okay" slipped out of my mouth instead

"Good, thats really good" Mum said awkwardly, she looked as if she wanted to say something but hesitated.

"and Khan?" She asked desperately

"He's okay" I answered quietly,

A lie, his dark silent moods and endless brooding were not okay , I thought angrily.

"Listen ... I ... I just wanted to say sorry ... for taking off to the Moonflow like that"

"It's okay mum .. you needed time alone I guess"

I was beginning to get pretty damn sick of the word "Okay" but it still seemed to be the vocal answer to everything lately.

"Thanks, I'll be home soon okay?" Mum said with a reassuring look on her face

"Okay" I answered quietly

"Bye princess"

The commsphere flashed red, and then she was gone, just like a part of her now was ... and it was all because of him.

I needed to talk to him I decided, I knew it was without a doubt going to be one of the hardest things I ever did but it needed to be done.

* * *

My fathers door at D'Jose stood in front of me, I had been staring at it for more them two minutes fighting a battle deep within me just to get the courage to knock on the door.

I knocked once

No-one came to the door, no noise, nothing

I knocked twice.

A slight groan came from behind the door.

I knocked again, extremely hard.

"ALRIGHT, alright, I'm coming" I my dad shouted

I heard him make his way to the door and mutter be quiet.

Dad opened the door slightly, and he seemed surprised to see me.

"Princess" He said nervously, he looked very conflicted and he kept edgily looking around his room and back at me, never fully opening the door.

"Aren't you going to let me inside?" I asked, with a scathing glare.

"Ah, it's a little messy in there, just ... just wait a minute ... I'll be right out" Dad said awkwardly, before shutting the door.

There he was, insulting my intelligence once again.

So I did what any daughter suspecting her father really was shacked up with some secretary would do. I kicked open the door.

And there she was.

It's funny, in my mind I had pictured her to be some glamorous Lucan model, but she wasn't. She was quite averaging looking, just another face in the crowd, she had long mousey brown hair and a plain face and she was sitting on dads bed looking quite bored.

"This your kid Gippal" She asked casually

"Ah yes ... this ... this is my daughter ... who was meant to wait outside, umm Aera meet Neeka ..." Dad mumbled sheepishly

"Hello" I said coldly, so coldly my dad seemed to flinch and even though I couldn't see my face, I knew it looked dangerous.

"Hi Neeka" Aera said unfazed, while lighting up a cigarette.

Aera was too calm and collected for my liking, I wanted her to stutter and become a twisted bunch of nerves like dad ... she was a home wrecker, I wished she'd act like one.

"Ah why don't we get something to eat ... so I can explain"

"Why you cheated on mum and living with your secretary" I hissed

"Thats the spirit, I'm a personal assistant by the way" Aera said, blowing a ring of cigarette smoke.

Did nothing phase this woman? what was wrong with her?

"I'll be outside" I muttered with disgust

* * *

The coffee shop was crowded

I stirred my coffee waiting for an explanation while my dad stared at the table, thankfully Aera said she had things to do.

"I'm sorry" Dad said

I looked up from my coffee and stared dad straight in his eye

"For which bit? having an affair, destroying our home, making mum cry?

"All of it" He answered quietly

"Why would you do that to us ... weren't we good enough" I cried, emotion increasingly in my voice

"Of course you were! but your mother and I ... well we just had problems ... it never had anything to do with you or Khan"

"Why Aera, I mean mums prettier!" I cried

"You can talk to Aera, and with your mum ... well, it's just different now"

"If you couldn't talk to her then why the hell did you marry her?" I snapped

"Things change Neeks, people change" He answered quietly

In a reluctant kind of way I did understand what he meant ... but it still gave him no right, he had changed all of our lives forever ... this wasn't some insignificant thing that in a few years I would forget, this is something that would be permanently inked into the story of my life.

* * *

When I got home that night Brother and Fshea were slurping some spicy soup while Khan sat in front of the Spherevision, transfixed at the Blitzball game

"Where were you?" Khan asked, not taking his eyes of the spherevision

"With Dad" I answered quietly

"How is he" Khan asked, taking a deep breath, eyes still transfixed on the spherevision screen in an offhand kind of way, as though he was look straight through the box instead of watching it.

"Living with his personal assistant" I informed him bitterly

Khan gaze shifted from the spherevision too my face and his begun to clench his fists.

"What the hell did you say" He snarled

I felt myself slowly backing into the wall like a scared child

"He's ... he's living with his personal assistant ... Aera" I stuttered

"GOD DAMMIT" He screamed, kicking the couch angrily

Brother and Fshea came running out of the kitchen demanding to know what was wrong

"Dads gotta girlfriend" I said quickly, tears beginning to pour down my face.

Brother begun to curse every name under the sun while Fshea tried to calm Khan down.

"Calm down child" Fshea said softly, staring into Khans stormy eyes

"GET AWAY FROM ME" Khan shouted, pushing Fshea away from him ... and then he stalked off into his room, slammed his bedroom door and begun his latest brooding session.

"NEEKA GET TO BED" Brother said, and then started to curse some more ... while Fshea breathed heavily, and looked very edgy, obviously not used to such chaos.

I ran into my room and lunged for my moogle doll that had dried one too many of my tears lately.

I cried myself to sleep that night, real emotion had hit me like a tonne of bricks ... and Aera's face haunted my every nightmare.

**

* * *

**

**a/n:** Well theres chapter 6 for you, poor Neeks. I tried not to make Aera a cliche blonde bimbo, hope I pulled that off ... next chapter I have a feeling will be fairly long and it's gonna be called "Vocal" ... no hints what it's about, lol ... I think I may update every Friday at the latest, how does that sound?"

**Review Replies:**

**oOoDancingQueenoOo:**  
I shall give no hints to the ending, lol, but it will be an original one ... I hope anyway

**Randomcat23**  
yay, I always love your reviews, they make writing the chapters worthwhile!

**FlyHigh4Life**  
lol, yeah he does deserve to have something cut off, unfortunately if Rikku were to have a little accident with him and a knife it would probably ruin the story, o well

**Madmaz**  
Wow, your review completely blew me away. I seriously felt on top of the world after reading that, it gave me a hell of a lot of confidence and I cant thank you enough!

**Jezzi**  
Thanks for taking a look at my fic, I love yours!


	7. Vocal

**Chapter 7: Vocal**

**a/n:** _Heres Chapter 7, Friday as planned, actually it's late Thursday night but is 12:48AM so technically speaking it's Friday._

**WARNING:** _There maybe several spelling errors, I usually spellcheck but because I don't have Microsoft word and use WordPad instead I have to use the extremely unreliable www.spellcheck. net to fix my errors, the site is temporarily screwed but I will fix these errors within the next day.  
_

* * *

I was so unbelievably indescribably happy right now, I had to stop myself from screaming with delight.

Mum was coming home ... and Brother and Fshea were going home.

I sat at the cirular table, jiggling my feet and drumming my knuckles on the wooden surface

"Stop it Neeka" Brother growled "One would almost think you is wanting us to leave"

"Sorry Brother" I apologised quickly, but then continued to drum my knuckles anyway.

It was a happy, happy day, and even Khan couldn't get that stupid grin on his face no matter how hard he tried to sulk.

Finally a hover pulled up, my heart skipped several beats and I bolted out the house as quick as I could, leaving the flywire door swinging madly in my wake.

The dust from the hover lifted dramatically revealing my mother, holding a suitcase and looking happier then I'd seen her in months.

Mum immediently engulfed me in a huge bone crushing hug, and pulled Khan into it as well. "oww mum" he cried slightly embaressed.

"E'ja seccat oui pudr cu cu cu cu cu silr" Mum sniffled, as her eyes begun to water slightly  
_I've missed you both so so so so so much_

"Fa seccat oui duu sis" Khan said softly  
_We missed you too mum_

"Oh Khan" Mum cried, and let go of me

"It's okay mum, we aren't going anywhere" Khan reasurred

"When did you get taller then me" She demanded

"Like a year ago" Khan answered confused

"oh poopie" Mum muttered

Suddenly the sound of Fsheas voice distracted us all

"Pull the suitcases Brother ... find the strength if your heart ... if the strength isn't in your muscle ... to PULL the suitcase into the hover ... HEAVE" Fshea cried dramatically

"I - AM - TRYING" Brother growled, heaving his, and Fshea's suitcases with determaination

"Whos she?" Mum asked bluntly with confusion

"Brother girlfriend, Fshea" I told her with a smile

Mum shook her head "rightio" she said, and smiled as well

When Brother finally heaved the suitcases into the hover, Fshea jumped up in down with delight "My strong man" She murmured as she kissed Brother

"Well thanks for staying with Khan and Neeks Brother ... and it's ... it's nice to meet you Fshea, you seem like an ... interesting woman" said Mumj

Brother hugged each one of us, told mum he would be happy to hunt Gippal down and cut off his - "BROTHER GOODBYE" she interrupted.

"I bid you farewell angry child" Fshea whispered to Khan.

"Ah yeah cya" Khan bidded

"Keep up with the meditation ... you may be prone to anger fits as well" Fshea warned me.

"Will do" I lied

Brother and Fshea stuck the key in the ignition of the hover ... and then they were gone.

"Well there ya go, won't be seeing them again till Khans 17th" said Mum happily

The family walked inside the house, as happy as I felt about mum being hope there still felt like there was something missing, and I couldn't shake off that dark empty feeling.

* * *

That night, when Khan mum and I were eating dinner around the wooden circular table I took a good look at mum and notice a few changes appearance wise, her hair and been cut a little shorter, left down instead of tied up, and color seemed to have returned to her face, but most noticably was her personality ... she seemed happy?

A month in the Moonflow seemed to do her wonders for her, but I didn't know exacly how I felt about that, like I didn't want her sulking around the house or anything but I didn't expect her to be so happy.

"So tell me about the Moonflow?" I asked

"Well, the funny thing is for the majority of the time I wasn't even in the Moonflow ... only for a week or so, after that week I got my thoughts together, visited some old friends I hadn't seen for atleast ten years, went to some nice places in Spira ... I cant believe how much I miss travelling ... we should do some travelling soon"

"Me and Jame are gonna travel around Spira when were eighteen" Khan piped up enthusiastically

"With what money?" Mum asked with her eyebrows raised

"We'll work"

"Who'll do your laundry?"

"I know how to wash clothes mum" Khan whined

"Whatever you say hunny bunny" Mum laughed

"Don't call me that" muttered Khan

"Sorry hunny bunny" Mum added with a smirk

It was just like old times, but without dad it still didn't feel right, and I knew then that was the empty void inside of me.

* * *

The next day I woke up with an extremely odd feeling, like everything was almost alright, but not quite.

The most eery part was breakfast.

I walked into the room and Khan and mum were seated around the wooden circular table, in the exact same positions they would of been a few months ago.

Khan was tinkering with some machina and mum was observing her clipboard with interest, sipping on a cup of tea

Khan seemed a lot happier, he was almost like his old self, but only almost.

Sometimes I caught him staring sadly into space, and holding the commsphere like he wanted to talk to someone ... but he never called that person.

I was moodily jabbing my cereal when a godsend knocked on the old flywire door

"I'm hungry and cold ... can I come inside?" Jame asked, playing the part of a small starving child

My heart skipped five beats, and my face flushed as I thought of my messy gravity defying hair and chocobo pajamas

"Come right in Jame ... Khan has left over bacon" Mum smirked

"Hey your back" Jame cried barging into the house and hugging mum "now wheres that bacon" he added

"Get away from my food mate" Khan growled, hovering his fork over it protectively.

"I was _joking_" Mum said, piling bacon fresh out of the pan on to Jame's plate

"See theres really is no reason to act like a Neanderthal Khan" he said, sitting himself down in the chair dad would usually sit in.

"G'day Gippals girl"

I cringed as mum loudly dropped something in the sink, the clang echoed around the kitchen but mum and I were the only ones who seemed to notice.

"Nice pajamas" he added with a smile, I couldn't tell if he was joking or if he really did deem yellow chocobos in a field of pink flowers cute, which I hightly doubted.

"Really?" I squeaked, I tried to make it sound cooler and slighty sarcastic but it came out more hopeful if anything.

"Just on you" He answered, and continued to eat.

Mum tried to conceal a laugh with a cough and Khan looked a little put out and informed Jame he was having a shower and wouldn't be long.

"Wanna go for a walk" Jame asked me

"Sure" I squeaked again

"C'mon" He said, leading me towards the door

"I have to get dressed" I reminded him confused

"We're in the middle of the Sanubian desert, no-ones going to see you" Jame smirked

Typical ... I had fantasised about something like this many times, but being in pink chocobo pajamas and having messy flyaway hair was not part of that fantasy.

So we trecked through the desert, getting my pajamas extremely dusty and the hot sun beat mercilessly against my tanned face.

"How ya been" Jame asked sincerely

"Okay" I lied

"Wanna tell me the truth?" He sighed

"No so okay" I admitted truthfully, and bloody hell it felt good

"Finallu, someone in this family is willing to admit weakness" Jame muttered

"Khan" I guessed

"Yeah, bit moody lately ... it's kinda worrying me, he wont talk about anything at all" Jame sighed, kicking the sand "maybe you could talk to him" he added hopefully

I couldn't pretend I wasn't _slightly_ disapointed that he only wanted to talk about Khans stupid mood swings, but I suppose it showed Jame was truely a caring friend.

"Umm yeah sure I'll try" I promised

"Thanks Neeks" Jame said as we walked back towards the house.

When got inside the house Khan and mum were sitting at the circular table, mum was smirking and Khan looked confused.

"C'mon mate, we were meant to be at Kiyaks an hour ago" Khan whined

"Yeah yeah, lets go ... seeya Neeks, Rikku" Jame bidded, before leaving the house with Khan.

"SOMEONES GOT A CRUSH" Mum screamed

I felt my face turn every shade of crimson and I playfully hit her in my defence, then we chased each other around the house for some minutes when the commsphere begun to flash like it had purposely set out to ruin the fun mum and I were having.

Unforunately mum answered the commsphere and unfortunately it happened to be dad on the end of the line.

"Hello Rikku ... your back" dad said, completely caught of guard, but he recovered quickly

"Sure am" Mum replied coldly

There was an uncomfortable silence, it looked like both had many things to say, but they remained unsaid.

"Neeka your_ fathers_ on the commsphere" said mum calmly, although the word father seemed to be more spat then said.

"Thankyou Rikku, have a nice day" Gippal replied grittily

"Oh you too" mum bidden quickly before gliding off into the next room to eavesdrop.

"Hey princess" Dad said, his face brightening up

"Hi dad ... sorry I should of pre-warned you" I apologised quietly, I heard mum "hmph!" loudly in the background but dad either ignored it or didn't hear.

"Its her house now" Dad shrugged, "damn right" I heard mum mutter quietly.

I didn't exacly know what to say to that ... so I said nothing.

"So ... Khans seventeenth is coming up really soon" said Dad, changing the subject

"Yeah widdle Khan will finally be seventeen" I smirked

"Seems like only yesterday I was teaching him the 10 basic commandments of a screwdriver" Dad sighed

"Are you going to his party still?" I asked hopefully

"Of course I will, he's my son too y'know" Dad snapped suddenly

"Sorry, I just thought things will be uncomfortable ... because of Mishaai and all"

I don't really know what made me say it, maybe it was because he had snapped at me seconds before and I wanted to get on his nerves, maybe I needed some sort of revenge for Aera, I don't know but I said it and I couldn't take it back.

"What about Mishaai" Dad asked suspiciously

"He's like mums date or whatever to Khans 17th" I lied quickly

"She cant do that! it's a sacred event, it's our sons bloody birthday" dad cursed

I wondered if he was jealous, but then I decided he probably wasn't, his reasons were pretty justified

I saw no way of changing the subject except for asking dad if he would like to speak to mum about it.

"No ... no, it's fine" Dad said quickly, almost calmly like the wheels had begun to turn inside his head

"I have to go now Princess, bye sweetie"

I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye before the commsphere flashed red and Dad was gone.

Mum came out from behind the shadows "NEEKA" she screamed "HOW COULD YOU", she looked half amused, half enraged. It was an interesting thing.

"It just kind of slipped out" I argued

"Do you know what you just done" She whispered dramatically

"What?" I asked with interest, curious to see why it was such a big deal, I mean couldn't she just say Mishaai couldn't make it to the party on the day?

"I am being forced to bring Mishaai to Khans birthday party because if I don't it will give your father some sick satifaction because now he will most defintely be bringing his _girlfriend _along, which will make Khans birthday very enjoyable wont it?"

I suddenly understood and the full extent of what I had did hit me like a tonne of bricks

"poopie" I muttered

"poopie indeed" mum mimicked, falling back on to the couch and sighing with exhaustion.

"I'm sorry mum" I whispered

"It's okay" Mum lied, but atleast I felt slightly better

* * *

Sometimes later Khan came home, he was in such a good mood a didn't want to let the information slip that is seventeenth birthday party was going to be the battle ground for mum and dads mind games.

It seemws mum couldn't tell him either, so we both stayed silent about it over dinner.

Keeping true to my promise to Jame, I knocked on Khans door later that night in an attempt to talk to him about his 'feelings' which was going to be a painful thing to do.

"Khan" I asked, while knocking on his door loudly

"Your not borrowing my tools sissy, go away" he answered

"How nice, I just wanted to talk"

"Well commsphere Jame then" He snapped

"Get over it Khan, we were just talking ... can you open the door please"

"Fine" Khan muttered, opening his door and letting me inside the holy abode.

Of course it was messy. Tools and engine parts littered the floor, it spelt like machina oil and blueprints decorated the walls.

"What would like to talk about sissy" Khan asked, lying on the dirty gray sheets of his bed

"Uh ... how are you like ... feeling?" I asked hopefully

"What?" Khan answered stupidly

"How are you feeling ... what are you feelings and such?"

"Ah ... I'm feelin the urge to hit you with my Osirius engine if you don't start explaining to me what your talking about"

"You've just been moodly lately"

"Because my father has run off with his secretary"

"Personal assistant actually ... is that all?" I wheedled

"Is she ugly?" He asked

"Plain, average"

There was a few second silence before I realised Khan wasn't going to say anymore

"Okay i'll just go now -" I bidded

"Bloody hell how could he!" Khan started angrily, interrupting me "I mean he has a family, he was like my hero, everyone knew that, he's exacly the sort of person I want to be ... and he goes and does that!"

"He said it because him and mum don't -"

"Who cares what he says, he's a liar and i'll never forgive him!" Khan swore.

I tried to think of something to make him feel better before I realised I couldn't.

Khans image of the perfect person, the person he aspired to be was tarnished.

"Sorry sissy, I just cant talk about this right now" Khan muttered, leading me out of his room.

I left Khans room and decided to just go to bed

As I made my way to say goodnight to mum I heard her speak on the commsphere, so I automatically begun to eavesdrop ... it seemed to be a habit lately.

"A friend of mine recommended me to you, best divorce lawyers in Luca " said Mum quietly

The word divorce echoed around in my head and I felt like vomiting

"Yes me and Gippal agreed it was for the best" I heard her say

"Can we plan a meeting a few weeks from now, I'm trying to wait till after my sons birthday"

"Okay, thankyou ... I'll contact you sometime before then ... goodbye"

The commsphere flashed red and I ran to my room as quickly as possible before collapsing on to my bed and clutching my moogle doll.

* * *

I couldn't sleep at all that night, at first all I could hear were the crickets outside, and the mosquitos humming ... then I thought I heard a sneeze ... till I realised I could hear crying.

I somehow knew it was mum, so I crept into her room.

The white blankets of the large empty bed looked like a drowned corpse in the moonlight.

It was indeed my mum who was crying,

So I climbed on to the bed and hugged her.

Hugging my own heartbroken mother completely crushed me.

I slept in her bed that night.

I wish Spira could see the "Perfect Al Bhed" family now.

* * *

**a/n:** I feel kind of sad right now, do you feel sad? that last bit there was hard to write for me because I speak from experience there. The chapter was called "Vocal" because it was based on communication, lol, credit goes to Madmaz for the idea of getting inside Khans brain a bit, it was a good idea. Next chapter will be called "Heres to Seventeen" you can probably guess what that will be about. Thanks for reading folks, really appreciate it and please review! I love them so much

**Review Replies:**

**Madmaz: **Yay, trust me I value your opinions! if you have something to say, defintely tell me okay? that goes for all of you because you can only help me improve my fic right?

**oOoDancingQueenoOo:** lol, I get that feeling while writing it, i'm not trying to make it one-sided but it's hard sometimes

**FlyHigh4Life:** Brother threatened to cut "it" off in honour of you, lol, yay, I'm on a favourites list, it's such a great feeling

randomcat23: whoo hoo! I was hoping someone would comment on Fshea, I liked her as well, she was fun to write. I'm glad you find Neeka life like, i've been trying to make it as realistic as possible. Yeah Khan is a bit angry, but don't be too rough on him, i still love him to bits 

**Jezzi: **Goodo, you relate to it? sorry about your dad, I was in a simular sitution with my own. It's never a nice thing :-(

**PSPhreak: **Yeah I was happy with how Aera turned out, she defintely worked I think, so i'm proud of that, thanks for reviewing!

**Jen: **It is a bit sad isn't it? I tried to make this chapter happy but it ended on a sad note. Your compliment about my writing really boosted my confidence, thank you so much for your review!

**dontbehatin:** You think it's amazing, i'm seriously in awe here, Reviews never cease to blow my mind. I never really expected to get such good feedback for my first story. I've caught the fanfiction bug so there will be many more stories after this now. I've been worrying about keeping my characters in character, it's been really hard but i'm trying my best. As for the Cid Quote, it just seemed like something he would say lol.


	8. Heres to Seventeen

**a/n:** This was posted a day late. I'm not going to lie and say my computer crashed, I was banned from the internet or my new chapter "mysteriously" deleted itself. ...the sad pathetic truth is ... i've been sulking over my ex-boyfriend for an entire week and haven't been in the mood to write. Sorry for the delay.

**Chapter: Eight:**

**"Heres to Seventeen" **

When Khan and I were younger, each others birthdays used to be a source of dread for us.

We would glare out each other with so much jelousy as our parents showered endless loving attention on the opposing child.

It had been many years since I'd felt any sort of coming apprehension waking up on Khans birthday ... but today was different.

As happy as I was to see family, and a certain someone else today, that excitement couldn't help but to be pushed into the back of my mind by the mingling sense of fear of my parents.

Today they the would see each other for the for time in which seemed forever.

At age fifteen there was so much I didn't understand, but I understood that today would bring no peace for either of my parents.

"Neeka are you ready _yet_?" Mum whined.

It was rather hipocritical of her that she would insinuate I had been getting ready for hours, when it was in fact her who had been up at the crack of dawn, doing her hair and trying on endless outfits.

I really had no idea she had so many clothes stashed away.

I walked into the bathroom where mum was putting on some beautiful dangling earings.

"Mum i've been ready for like an hour ... " I groaned

Mum just ignored me and continued working at her appearance in the bathroom mirror.

"Are those the earrings dad gave you?" I questioned confused

"Yes they are" Mum answered offhandedly

The silence that followed was enough to say that the conversation was over.

We _finally_ left the house a half and hour later.

At least mum looked fantastic.

* * *

Khans seventeenth was taking place at some reception center in Luca and mum and I travelled there by airship 

Khan had stayed at a friends house the night before, so he would be making his own way to his party.

Before going to the reception center, mum and I had another obligation to deal with.

_Mishaai_

Regretfully mum did invite him as her date ... the thought of dad getting the better of her had pushed her to do the sickening.

So we met Mishaai at a small coffee shop in Luca, he was fiddling with his bow tie and slicking down his hair in a cafe booth.

Mum knocked the coffee shop window, making Mishaai jump ... he then exited the coffee shop and met us outside.

I looked Mishaai up and down ... he was the perfect pretty boy poster boy you loved to hate.

No brains, all looks and greasy charm.

As far as I knew Mishaai was quite well off, he was some close relative to the Al Bhed entrepreneur _Rin_ ... which was probably how he got his high rank position in the excavation camps.

"You both look absolutely stunning ... lead the way!" Mishaai announced

* * *

I doubted I had ever felt so nervous at the moment when, Mum, Mishaai and I walked into the reception center. 

Not many people had arrived yet, the room was still being set up ... Khan wasn't there, nor was dad... but Jame was.

Jame hadn't noticed us yet, he standing on a chair and taping some swirled green balloons to the ceiling with his back turned

So I stood behind him, opening my mouth and shutting it ... just trying to find something remotely interesting to say.

Looking back I guess I should of just said Hi, but I was trying for something slightly more witty then that.

Unfortunately he turned around before I had a chance to say anything at all and he got a nice look at me with my mouth open like a goldfish.

Jame, startled by my appearance lost his balance on the chair and fell.

"Are you okay" I shrilled

"Didn't hurt a bit" He gasped, lying on the floor with his face covered by his hands ... probably trying to conceal the pain.

"Really?" I asked hopefully

"Not a bit" He answered brightly trying stand up ... but falling back down again

"Ow theres goes the spine" He muttered

"Jame get up ... we have work to do!" Mum yelled, her voice cracking like a whip.

"Yes miss" He groaned

Some hour and a half later the reception center was looking marvelous, green streamers floated about and swirly green balloons bounced off the roof.

A large banner saying "Happy Seventeenth hunny bunny" decorated the wall

More and more people were beginning to arrive ... but still no sign of dad.

Finally Khan crept nervously into the hall, fearing large blown up baby photos would be plastered all over the wall.

Little did he know mum was saving that for his 21st

"Happy Birthday Hunny Bunny" Mum cried, hugging her oldest offspring tightly

"Thanks mum" Khan said lightly, but his eyes looked sad as he gazed around the room, looking for the missing person.

I don't know if it was a coincidence, or if Khan had any psychic abilities that he wasn't telling us about ... but either way dad walked in at exact moment with Aera trailing boredly at his heals.

Mum kind of looked gob smacked for a second, even though she had been expecting it ... and then she just looked so heartbreakingly sad ... not angry, just sad ... and then it was gone.

Mum blinked and composed herself quickly, flashing a fake smile at Mishaai and making her way across the room to talk to him, ignoring dad completely.

Dads eyes didn't leave mums back once ... his expression was hard to read, but then again it always had been.

The most chilling part was Khan and dad.

Everyone in the room seem to become dark insignificant shadows while Khan and Dad stood some feet apart staring transfixed at each other ... waiting for one to make a move.

The dark insignicant shadows in my mind become people once again as Jame welcomed everyone.

"Thanks everyone for coming to my best mates birthday ... heres to Khan ... and heres to seventeen!" Jame yelled over the crowd

Khan shot Jame a half hearted grin, but he was still too distracted by dads presence to do much.

Dad walked over to Khan and kind of ruffled his hair.

They begun talking, Khan was looking at the ground and shrugging while Dad looked up at the ceiling

I wish I could hear what they were saying but the music was too loud.

So I watched them like an animal watching it's prey until sometime tapped me on the back.

"Like my speech Gippals girl?" Jame asked

"You forgot to give me a personal thank you" I said playfully sticking my tongue out

"What for, helping with the decorations or nearly crippling me?"

My "I'm really really _really _really sorry about that" was drowned out by one of Khans favorite songs being turned up ridiculously loud

Jame tapped his ear as to say ... what did you say?

"I cant hear you!" I mimed

Jame shook his head, smiling and grabbed my hand and begun leading me somewhere

It had to be the most thrilling moment of my short life ... I sincerely hoped he wasn't leading me to the punch table.

Apparently he wasn't because he shoved me into a door the led me outside of the reception center ... it was a deserted little courtyard.

Being outside was like taking a breathe of fresh air after hiding under your blankets for some time.

"I can hear the voices in my head" Jame cried dramatically

"and what can you hear" I questioned shyly

Jame just smiled playfully

"What?" I asked with confusion, praying my make up didn't look too horrible in natural sun light.

... and then he kissed me.

Now _that _had to be the most thrilling moment of my life.

It was really my first real, _real_ kiss ... those stupid spin the bottle games or a small peck on the lips never really counted for me.

This was the real deal, and I couldn't of been happier at that moment.

All my parents problems were blown to the back of my mind by that one fantastic kiss.

So I kissed him back ... with pretty much everything I had

"Wow Gippals girl" Jame said pleased as he pulled away

I think I probably resembled an extremely bruised tomato at that point.

So I laughed, because it was the only thing I could think to do ... Jame also begun to laugh histerically.

We must of looked strange to hidden prying eyes ... we were two people who went from kissing passionately to laughing insanely.

Life worked in very strange ways.

For the first time in months I considered that fact that not matter how bad the situation ... it wasn't the end of everything.

* * *

When Jame and I walked back into the reception center, at different times of course to divert suspicion ... the party still raged on as if I had never left 

Only I walked back in as a slightly happier person.

I decided to talk to dad, who was sitting outcasted in a corner with Aera.

"Hi Dad" I bided

"Hey princess, having fun?" Dad asked, still staring at mum who was chatting enthusiastically with Mishaai.

"Yeah" I answered

"Neeka ... princess ... favorite daughter, can you do me a favor?" Dad asked quickly, cutting straight to the chase.

"What?" I asked curiously

"See these papers here?" Dad asked, unfolding some official papers that were hidden in his pocket.

"What are they?" I asked, not liking the look of them.

They had that kind of negative feel about them, like an envelop containing bills.

"Just stuff regarding the ... uh"

"Divorce?" I offered

"Make sure you mother gets them please" Dad pleaded

What I really wanted to do was tear up the papers, or tell dad to do his own dirty work ... but I didn't.

I accepted the papers and walked across the room, doing as dad asked.

* * *

"Where did you disappear to before?" Mum questioned with a suggestive smile 

How was it that mums seemed to know almost _everything_?

"Getting fresh air" I replied, it wasn't exactly a lie anyway I thought, trying to rid myself of the blush working it's way up to my cheeks.

"If you say so kiddo ... what are those?" Mum asked warily, staring at the official looking papers.

"Ah dad asked me to give them to you" I answered

An annoyed expression came over her face.

"This is childish ... why couldn't he walk half way across the room and give them to me himself" Mum said coldly, shaking her head

I just shrugged in reply

Mum rolled her eyes and did the unexpected ... she walked straight across the room and shoved the papers in dads face.

"What are these?" Mum asked Dad sharply

Dad seemed to sink back into the wall slightly ... he also looked rather shocked.

"A draft for the settlement" Dad answered, composing himself.

"Did Mr. Matherson not contact you and tell you I wished to wait until after _my _sons birthday ... not half way through it to receive this draft" Mum questioned quite calmly

So _that _was her divorce lawyers name. I had often wondered who would help make my parents separation official.

"Yes Mr. Matherson did inform me of your wishes to wait until after _our_ sons birthday but now seemed like a good opportunity"

Hearing mum and dad speak so formally to each other was so indescribably weird.

"Very well, but I'd like to save all ... this ... till our meeting on the 13th" said mum, handing him back the menacing papers, her hands shook slightly.

And as dad accepted the papers again ... I could of sworn I saw his hands shaking to.

Mishaai the moron sailed across the room to my parents and I, probably seeing an opportunity to mess things up even more.

"Hello Mr. Machine Faction Leader" Mishaai bided, bowing slightly "I love the work your team has been doing on the Ospirius Sactors" he added

"The Osirius Factors" Dad corrected, pleased to make an idiot of mums new 'friend'

"Yes that was what I meant Mr. Machine Faction Leader" Mishaai replied sheepishly

"Please, your dating my ex-wife ... call me Gippal" Dad nodded with a twisted smile

Mum then led Mishaai away from my manical looking father, with a slightly distressed look on her face.

"I like her dress" said Aera, who had been previously silent through out the whole thing.

I could really think of no reply to that ... so I just bided them goodbye and wondered if I could smuggle some Al Bhed beer without anyone noticing.

* * *

When I arrived home I collapsed exhaustedly on my bed and played a game with my moogle, the game consisted of throwing it against my ceiling as hard as I could 

Not a particularly constructive thing to do, but I seemed to do it a lot lately, especially when I was in one of my thinking moods.

Today hadn't been a sad day, in fact it had been kind of comical in a ironic twisted way ... when it came to my parents anyway

I came to the realisation that things had to get better, no matter how bad things were ... they could always be worse and today could of been a lot worse, believe me.

With the hope that maybe, just maybe things could improve.

I felt some sort of peace that night, and I stopped throwing my moogle doll.

**

* * *

a/n:** That was chapter 8, and it was the hardest freakin' chapter I ever had to write. Ugh, so many dead ends and all I wanted to do was inflict some serious misery and depression on my characters. Fortunately I have some sort of will power ... I just had to repeat to myself "angry feelings over ex boyfriend must not get in way of story" ... so it didn't and I finally completed the chapter. Hope you liked it, I know it wasn't one of my best ... Review please? they cheer me up and I need some serious cheering up.

**  
**

**Review Replies: (hehe, i'm getting more and more reviews each chapter )**

**  
crazy j.d:**  
haha, sorry about the confusion ... I was high on coffee and I no clue what I was typing, lol

**Jezzi**  
I know what you mean by 'slaying demons' this fic is helping me a lot as well. That had to be one of the most touching reviews i've recieved.

**randomcat23**  
Chapter seven was rather depressing wasn't it. I'm trying hard for individual reactions, I found it important Khan and Neeka should have two completely different reactions, but Rikku is the hardest to write, i'm trying to bring on the feeling that she is very strong on the outside, but deeply hurt and sad on the inside.

**Jen**  
I, myself was nearly in tears by the last scene of chapter seven. I felt terrific after reading your review, especially about Khans anger, lol, not that I want you to be angry. I'm just proud I made you angry, if that makes sense?

**K-Jaye**  
Yay i've made another favourites list hugs thankyou! ... hugs

**- (no identity)**  
lol, writing the luggage scene made me laugh. Brother and Fshea were meant to be some sortof comic relief ... HEAVE!

**madmaz**  
yay my darling Madmaz!

Thanks for another great review, they are so detailed and helpful, I love em 2 bits. The Khan/Neeka chat with originally supposed to be a Rikku/Neeka chat so feel responsible for the great turn out!

I'm glad you picked up on Khan being torn, because trust me he is. The person he's moulding himself to be has been tarnished, I guess he's suffering some sort of identity crisis or something. Yeah, the point of this chapter was to show things slightly looking up, but I guess it had it sad moments about it as well. So ... what do you think of the Neeka/Jame development. I was trying not to make their kiss corny or cliche. I hope I succeeded. Thanks for the concern about my mum and I. Things are certainly better now and this fic is actually helping my deal with a lot of problems in my own life ... I should of started writing sooner.

**Antimusicman:**

**R1: **i'll take the realism as a compliment, it's been my ultimate aim!

**R2: **lol, yeah it's sad they must hate each other, it was really wierd for me to write them as 39/40 yr's but I didn't want to make them too young.

**R3: **Yeah, the story was originally going to be called "Family Portrait" but I liked "Broken Dolls" better

**R4: **Lol, yes he certainly does

**R5**: Yes it is a sad story, but thats what I like about it. I put a warning abour the underage drinking at the start of the chapter, I dunno, I guess I just needed a reason why Khan didn't go home that night.

Thanks for all the reviews!

Hope you'll read future chapters


	9. Forward

**Chapter 9: Forward**

**A/n: **It's a late update, I know and I have so many excuses but I know you don't want to hear them so I'll just welcome you into the chapter ... Welcome to chapter 9!

* * *

Ever have a really annoying song that you just cant get out of your head? 

You'll just be doing something random like pouring yourself a glass of water or kissing your brothers best friend when it begins to play.

That was what was happening to me, except it wasn't a song ... it was a number.

The number in question was thirteen

No matter how hard I tried thirteen would not stop flashing through my mind.

Incase you don't know the significance of the number I'll tell you.

Today was the thirteenth, and today was the very first meeting between my parents and their divorce lawyers that resembled particularly fiesty sharks.

"Neeka, get dressed ... or better yet get out of bed" Mum pressed with a distressed look on her face.

I groaned and thrashed my head on my pillow before being warned by mum that if I wasn't out of bed in 10 seconds she would have Khan come and make me get up.

That worked a charm, once Khan tipped over my maitress and hurled icy cold water on me at eight o'clock in the morning.

"Tell me again why I have to come today" I whined, as the sunlight streaming through my window made my eyeballs throb.

"Getting custody issues out of the way, you and Khan have to be there ... your both too old for the judge to decide for you"

"Decide what" I asked curiously

"Who you'll be living with Neeks ... now get dressed" and then she walked out of the room.

A wave of indescribable anger raged through me, and I felt like I had to do something destructive to get rid of it, instead of tearing my room apart I said on my bed and forced myself to breathe.

"How could mum dump this on me with such short notice!" I thought angrily

I didn't want to choose who I was going to live with ... especially with dad and mum in the room, couldn't they understand how hard that was going to be?

How could they ... or more how could _she_ ... and for once the anger was directed at mum, not dad.

"NEEKA ARE YOU READY YET" Mum yelled impatiently from the kitchen.

I contemplated throwing the shoe I was currently lacing up at her but I knew never to let my temper get too out of control.

Maybe Fshea was right, maybe I should of stuck with the meditation.

* * *

Through the entire airship ride to Luca I sulked, trying to stare a hole into the floor and not speaking to anybody. 

Mum looked very angry, and every now and then she would mutter some profanity about dad.

Khan just stared blankly out the window, he said nothing.

I wonder if mother dearest had informed him of the decision we would be forced to make today.

I knew there had to be a reason I was dreading the thirteenth, I just knew it.

* * *

"I never knew a table could be so long and shiny" I thought numbly as I stared at the unatural glossy table 

I was currently sitting in a conference room, at the very top floor of a very high building.

It was a nice day, but the sunshine was concealed by blinds, only letting a few strips of light reflect of the table in the dark room

My anger at mum still hadn't faded, so I glared at the table, wishing I could be anywhere but here.

Khan stared at the window, probably wishing he could jump out of it.

It was strange ... lately Khans anger had just mellowed out and this distant quiet boy had been replaced in his stead.

Mum impatiently drummed her fingers on the table.

The old Bevellian judge gritted her teeth as sweaty fingerprints defiled the table she obviously donated a lot of time into keeping clean.

Mr. Matherson, mums chosen lawyer sat calmly next to her, he looked particularly menacing with his long hooked nice and alert cautious eyes.

A knock on the door sent shivers down my spine and my father, and his representative entered the room.

The two lawyers shook hands, nodded and exchanged a few formalities with the judge ... and then _it_ begun.

"Good afternoon all, I am _Roberta Clare_, district judge ... this court is now in session" Spoke the aged judge who resembled a dried up old prune.

"Representing the plaintiff will be ..." She added

"Mr. Dom Matherson of the Matherson and Starr Lucan Group and I will be representing Mrs. Rikku" Mr Matheron answered, standing up.

The judge nodded her head and signaled for him to sit down.

"Representing the defendant will be ..."

"Lionel Putz of the Georgio, Putz and Hurst Circle and I will be representing Mr. Gippal"

The judge nodded "I have read the Writ of Summons" and "Statement of Claim", Mrs. Rikku has a decent reason for divorce, infidelity is a serious crime ... representative of the Defendant please speak"

"My client amicably accepts the divorce proceedings, although he feels Mrs. Rikku's claim of "Extreme mind torture" is unjust and an extreme overreaction, he feels she is only saying this so she can

keep the house, who both Mr. Gippal and Mrs. Rikku legally own together"

_Extreme mental torture? _I thought, slight overreaction I agreed silently

"Mr. Putz, today we were only going to be focussing on custody issues" warned Judge Clare sternly

"Of course, or course" Mr. Putz replied sheepishly.

"My client is, of course, is willing for his two children Khan, aged seventeen, and Neeka aged fifteen to live with him ... my client currently resides in D'Jose Temple.

The judge nodded "Representative of the plaintiff please speak"

"My client, Mrs Rikku would prefer to have her children, who she feels she raised for the majority of the time, while Mr. Gippal was in D'Jose, should continue living with her"

The judge nodded her head

"Mr.Khan, please inform us of your decision" The judge asked kindly

"What?" Khan asked stupidly, tearing his gaze from the window.

"Please inform us of your decision regarding the issue on who you wish to live with" The judge answered impatiently.

"Oh ... I guess mum then" Khan said shrugging.

A slightly twisted smile grew across my mothers face and dad just kind of stared sadly at the table.

"Miss Neeka, please inform us of your decision"

I felt violently sick, this was uncalled for I cursed angrily ... it hit me like a tonne of bricks that I just wasn't ready for this.

"I uh ... I uh ..." I stuttered ... and then I vomited all over the judges table

See I wasn't lying when I said I felt violently sick?

The judge looked seriously displeased, as she gritted her teeth and stared at the sick on the table with disgust.

Mum and Dad both ran over to me ... dad hugged me while mum worriedly pressed her hands against my forehead.

For one magical second I forgot I was in a court session and I was warped back into the deserts with an awful fever, just like when I was a little girl.

"You okay sissy?" Khan asked, speaking for probably the first time today.

I shook my head ... I just wanted to get out of this awful room.

"We should post-pone this" Mum said quickly to dad

"Yeah your right" Dad agreed

Both lawyers, and judge looked outraged.

"Fine, ruling postponed ... court session closed" Judge Clare snarled.

Mr. Putz and Mr. Matherson, shook hands and exited the room after warning their respective clients to expect a call soon.

Dad rubbed the back of his head with his hand, he looked almost _pleased_ as he apologized to Judge Clare.

Mum actually looked amused as she glanced at the vomit on the table, and also apologized to Judge Clare.

Then both mum and dad exited the room, awkwardly said goodbye and went there separate ways.

* * *

When we arrived home mum was being extra extra nice to both me and Khan. 

It was like she was guilt ridden or something

A nice plus was that Jame came to see me today, he wanted to know how I was dealing with everything I guess

Khan seemed a little put out when he discovered Jame seemed to be mainly visiting me.

"Want to go for a walk?" Jame asked innocently while mum, Khan and I ate lunch.

Khan gaped for a second, then went back to his sandwiches while mum smiled secretly.

Khan still probably hadn't caught on ...

"Sure" I answered, patting down my hair.

We exited the house through the old fly wire door while Khan ignorantly munched on his sandwiches, and mum continued her all-knowing smile.

The first thing we did was kiss.

It's funny, it's never one of those gentle sweet kisses, it's always more of an instinct thing.

So we trekked through the sand for a bit till we collapsed in a heap.

"How was your parents ... meeting ... thingie" Jame asked awkwardly

"I threw up over the judges table and the meeting was postponed" I answered bluntly

Jame didn't seem to know what to say for a second ... until

"Eww ... I hope you washed your mouth" Jame joked, tickling my side.

I laughed for what was probably the first time that day.

Neither of us spoke for several minutes.

"So whats happening with uh ..." Jame started

"us?" I asked being quite forward, I blushed hoping that what he was getting at ... and not my parents divorce.

"How cute, we share brainwaves" laughed Jame

Immense relief flowed through me and the blush rising on my cheeks cooled.

"So wanna be my girlfriend" Jame asked, trying to sound casual, but failing miserably.

"Okay" I answered, in a high squeak.

Then we kissed again and begun laughing like crazy... _again_?

What exacly was it with us and laughing when some significant happened in our relationship.

Like girls will, I for a split second imagined our wedding day and laughing madly at the alter.

Then I mentally slapped myself for thinking that far ahead when Jame and I had only officially begun dating less then a minute ago.

* * *

Later that night I quietly slipped into the house. 

Khan sat glued to the SphereVision set, watching the Al Bhed play Blitzball and shaking his fist angrily every now and then.

For a second he looked exacly like dad ... I could of sworn it was him.

Mum came into the lounge room and stood there nervously for a second.

She kept opening her mouth and shutting it.

"Something wrong?" I asked worriedly

"Ah not exactly ... ah ... do you kids mind if Mishaai comes over for dinner next week" Mum asked quickly

_Yes I did mind _I thought bitterly ... but instead I found myself quietly agreeing to it.

God knows why, I guess I just wanted to make mum happy.

Khan just shrugged and said "okay" and then went back to his Blitzball game.

A strange reaction coming from Khan I thought

I had expected him to throw the remote control at the wall ... but there he was just accepting and agreeing?

Mum seemed surprized, she just nodded and hastily walked out of the room.

* * *

By the end of the night I was still confused in whether the thirteenth was worth dreading. 

So much had happened today.

Divorce proceedings had been interrupted ... and I still didn't know whether this was a good thing.

I had gained a boyfriend, that couldn't be too bad right?

I had actually felt sorry for dad, which was odd because he was the reason we were in the room in the first place.

I had felt raw anger at mum, but I still think she deserved it.

I had seen some different sides today, an inner sadness in dad and a sadistic cruel woman in mum.

My world had been blurred and shaken again.

The clarity was gone and that light at the end of the tunnel seemed to fade slightly.

**A/n: **Finished, the court session was probably a bit unrealistic. I swapped legal studies and school for Art so I wouldn't have a clue how it works, I'm just going by my own parents divorce and every single movie I had seen with a courtroom scene ... next chapter will be called "Opportunity" Please review also!

**Review Replies:**

**FlyHigh4Life:**

lol, yeah he needed to be punished for that ... your really liking the idea of castration aren't you ... so am I actually, lol

**Jezzi:**

Thanks, i'm still umming and ahhing about that chapter, I dunno something doesn't seem right about it.

**Jen: **

Yeah Gippal was a total jerk that day, thanks for the advice about my Ex, i've been doing exactly as you said, all i've been doing is hanging with my friends ... it helps!

**PSPhreak: **lol, glad you liked the kiss! and as for re-conciliation ... well ... i'm not saying, lol, through my parents divorce I learnt that life lesson so I thought why not add it in that little piece of wisdom. Thanks for reviewing ... your too kind! and especially thanks for adding the bit about the grammar, spelling and word choice because without people telling me I just don't realise, lol

**Sweet Demon Slayer: **It is a bit depressing isn't it, i'm trying to work to make it slightly happier though, thanks for reviewing!

**Randomcat23: **helps throw confetti yeah damn those replacements! lol, it's always a relief when people say they aren't disappointed.

**Dale: **yeah, I read Gippal/Rikku fics and they are good, but they have such a tough time getting together it seems odd that when they do everything would be perfect?

**K-Jaye: **Oh my god! your reminding me of me, lol, I got my first kiss of an asshole bastard, and thats exactly how I always describe him ... maybe we are talking about the same boy? lol, damn him. hugs

**MadMaz: **yay, you liked it! hehehehehe, I actually pretty much read your reviews over and over because each time they always bring such a large smile to my face. You said so many wonderful things to me last review I feel like I could so kick JK Rowlings ass! lol, joking, but seriously you make me feel like an exceptionally good author and I cant thank you enough for that ... whenever you review becomes my favorite day!

**Rikku SWiRLS:** Your review kind of confused me ... call me stupid but was that my first flame ... and my 50th review?

**AntiMusicMan: **yeah I aimed to make that chapter a whirlpool of feelings, I think I succeeded ... thanks for another lovely review!


	10. Opportunity

**Chapter 10:** **Opportunity**

**a/n:** This chapter basically revolves around Khan ... Welcome to Chapter 10 (My tenth chapter ... wow!)

_

* * *

I just want to be heard,  
Loud and clear are my words_

_- Of Angels and Insects by Papa Roach_

* * *

Khan was still shaking. 

I wouldn't of been surprized if he had dropped the commsphere and let it smash into a million tiny little fragments.

Just like his sense of self.

I felt awful for him, If I were him I wouldn't have a clue what to do ... or say.

I didn't know how dad could do it, or even _why_ he'd do it.

What sympathy I was feeling for him on the thirteenth had quickly diminished.

Mum was staring at the wooden circular, deep in thought ... now was not the moment for anger.

"I cant leave ... but it's my dream" Khan said quietly ... seeing my big brother look so crushed made my heart break.

I thought he had just called to say hello like he did every second day.

It had become so routine.

I would pick up the Commsphere when it begun to flash

Mum would try and be as subtle as possible in her eavesdropping

Khan would hover around in a non-obvious way

It seemed no-one was ready to admit, but me, that we all had a interest in what dad was doing now.

Right now the pain was too raw for anyone to be honest ... even with themselves

* * *

When I picked up the commsphere today dad said hello, asked how everyone was ... then brushed me off as he asked to speak to Khan 

Khan brushed us all off and made mum and I leave the room

Khan emerged from the room some few minutes later looking a shocked mess.

"He isn't disowning you is he?" shrieked mum

Khan looked shocked she'd even jump to that conclusion

"No ... no ..." Khan replied trying to chose his words

"Good news or bad news" I asked waving my hands in his face

"Aera isn't pregnant is she?" Mum hissed

"What? no!" Khan answered

"Well what then?" I pressed

"He offered me an apprenticeship at D'Jose temple ... the one I always wanted"

Mum looked like she wanted to cry

Then she looked angry

Then she looked livid

Then she snatched the commsphere and stalked off to her room leaving a depressed silence in her wake.

What would Khan do? I thought worriedly

I couldn't bear for him to leave right now

If Khan accepted that apprenticeship he would have to live and D'Jose ... with dad

Which meant he wouldn't be living with me

This is a person who I had grown up with, loved and seen everyday for the past fifteen years.

If he left I would fall apart ... his mere presence kept me sane

Even though we didn't get along ... _ever_, he was my big brother and I just didn't want him to leave.

* * *

"Alright Khan, what are you going to do?" Mum asked calmly 

Mum had just gotten of the Commsphere with Mr. Matherson and asked if dad was allowed to do _that _... apparently he was so mum was weighing out her options on how to handle it

First she had to see what Khan wanted

"I want to do it ... but I cant live with dad right now" Khan muttered

"He shouldn't even of suggested it" Mum soothed, rubbing his hand sympathetically'

"You cant go" I whined ... feeling slightly selfish ... but I ignored that pang of guilt.

Mum gave me a warning look

"When do you have to decide by?" Mum questioned turning back to Khan

"I dunno ... next week I guess?" Khan shrugged

"Have you _any_ idea about what your going to do?" Mum asked, trying to sound some what casual ... but her eyes looked a little too hopeful to be casual

"Please don't go Khan" I begged, my eyes grew large and begun to water up.

Khan looked horrified

"I'm sorry ... I just ... I just ... I'm going to Jame's" Khan stuttered

Then he hurried out the house, leaving the fly wire door swinging.

"Neeka don't pressure him" Mum snapped

"I don't want him to go" I whined

"He wont go" Mum replied confidently ... although she was nervously rapping her fingers on the wooden circular table

If this table could talk I wonder what it would have to say about our family ...

"How do you know" I replied hopefully

"Mothers know a lot more then children tend to think ... he's not ready to leave home and he wont leave his sister when shes dating his best friend"

"Mum!" I protested wondering how the hell she knew that

"See I know a lot about you baby girl" Mum said lightly

"But how?" I pressed

"Don't ask, just believe me ... now excuse me while I ring your _father_" Mum said, finishing the sentence with a hiss

It's funny how dad had suddenly become just _father _to mum.

It was like he had lost all his character to her ... he was just a person who was simply connected to us

Mum picked up the Commsphere that had somehow miraculously survived our bad moods and had it connected to D'Jose temple.

"Rammu Karfka, how are you?" Mum politely asked the receptionist of the temple

"Eh ... Hello Mrs. Gippal ... ah Ms. Rikku ... I'm very well thank you" Karfka squeaked

"Thats nice Karfka ... connect me to Gippals Commphere please" Mum said smiling tightly

"ah I think he has company ..." Karfka warned vaguely

"I'll be he does ... connect him" Mum said losing her friendly demeanor and having a slight warning tone to her voice

The line was connected immediently

Mum was the _princess_ of the Al Bhed after all

* * *

When the line connected dad appeared at the commsphere looking tired and disheveled 

"Oh your up ... hope I didn't disturb you" Mum lied

"Ah no ... I wasn't busy" Dad lied as we both heard Aera cough angrily in the background

"Good, I was hoping we could have a chat" asked mum with a slightly disturbing look on her pretty face

"That would be ... nice" replied dad looking some what scared

"I think it's important we talk occasionally ... for Khan and Neeka's sake" Mum continued pleasantly while dad paled increasingly

"Have you talked to Khan today?" Dad asked mum quickly

"Of course I have, he's my son" Mum replied

"Well I don't get to talk to our son every day so I was just wondering if he had mentioned anything about an apprenticeship to you?"

"Oh the one you offered you so he became so stressed he had to leave the house"

"Well he seemed happy when I told him" Dad said rubbing the back of his head with his hand in confusion

Aera coughed angrily in the background again

Dad looked annoyed for a second before he signaling Aera to leave the room

"No wonder you divorced him" Aera hissed angrily in the background

Now dad _really_ looked annoyed as his door was slammed by Aera

Mum looked somewhat amused but she clouded her dancing eyes with seriousness as dad returned his concentration to the Commsphere

Dad smiled as if to hide anything was wrong in the paradise he has left us for

"Look please don't stress him out ... he hasn't been very happy lately" Mum asked almost pleading with him

"I didn't know it would affect him like that ... should I put him on the list of trainees for next year" Dad replied sadly

"No ... you cant do that, let him make up his own mind" said Mum for once not digging into him

"He's just so good with machina ... and I miss him ... a lot" Dad said somewhat shyly

"I know you do"

Mum looked she had major conflict going on ... I think she wanted to yell at him because it was his fault all this was happening

But she didn't ... she just let it go.

"Remember on his sixth birthday when that rogue machina attacked Neeks ... thats when I knew he was gifted" Dad reminicised

"He dismantled it in under fifteen seconds with that little plastic screwdriver he always used to carry around" Mum laughed

"Neeks became so attached to him after that"

"He had to make his own lock just to keep her out of his room" Mum smirked

"They were so cute when they were little" Dad sighed

"Now they answer back and have love lives"

"Then you have to worry about them more"

"It must be hard looking after them both on your own"

"Sometimes" Mum shrugged

Dad was about to say something when Aera knocked loudly on the door demanding to be let back inside the room

"I have to go" Dad sighed, looked incredibly irritated

"Bye Gippal" Mum said, as her hands softly waved

Dad nodded, then smiled ... and then connection died.

* * *

Mum remained silent 

"Mum...?" I asked cautiously ... coming out of my hiding spot

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Neeks ... remember Mishaai is coming over for dinner tomorrow" She answered blankly

_Mishaai_ ... I had forgot about him

"Goodnight Neeks" She said kissing me on the head and then going to her room

I wish I knew what was going on inside her head

* * *

The next day was nice, the sand was pleasantly warm as me and Jame lay on it 

We had just finished making sand angels and the subject of Khan had remained untouched

"Khan going to leave me isn't he?" I asked quickly

Jame looked caught of guard ... then he looked like he didn't have a clue what to say

"He doesn't want to leave you" Jame shrugged, purposely not giving me much insight into Khans mind

"But will he?" I asked desperately

"He hasn't made up his mind" Jame answered quickly

I knew he was lying ...I knew his facial expressions very well and he was lying through his teeth

"Would you ever lie to me?" I asked turning to face him

Jame looked like he wanted to run ... far far away.

"Not unless I really really really had too?" Jame wheedled

"Thats still lying" I replied blankly

"Justified lying though"

"It's still lying"

"Want to make sand angels again" Jame asked trying to change the subject

"No" I replied sulkily, sticking out my lower lip a few extra inches

Jame sighed "look I know what he's leaning a little more towards going but DON'T say _anything_ okay?"

Then I burst into tears

Jame was looking extremely distressed at this point ... he didn't know what to say so he just hugged me

I guess it was really the only thing he could do ... I wanted him to tell me Khan wasn't going anywhere but I knew Jame couldn't do that

I think we must of stayed that way for hours

* * *

Jame was gone ... he made an excuse why he couldn't walk me home and left 

I was now staring at my house wondering why I had to walk inside it

I knew Khan, Mum and Mishaai would be sitting inside patiently waiting for me to join them

For a short moment I fantasized about stealing the hover and taking off to Luca and never having to deal with my family, and my parents _replacements_ again

I knew it wasn't possible though

I couldn't even stand not seeing Khan on an everyday basis let alone never seeing any of them again.

So I walked inside the house and accepted my fate.

I was right ... everyone was sitting around the circular wooden table waiting for me

Mum looked relieved ... she was also looking a little too pretty tonight

I didn't like it ... I didn't like it at all

I sat down and the sand in my hair sprinkled all over the table.

I don't think mum liked that ... spending an entire day with my boyfriend and coming home with too much sand in my hair was not a good sign in her opinion

Mishaai immedientely picked up his fork and begun eating while Khan stabbed moodily at his food

Mum sat there nervously observing us all.

"So Khan ... I hear your good with machina" tried Mishaai

"I hear your good with co-ordinates" Khan replied blankly

Mishaai missed the sarcasm and went on to talk about the oh so complicated drama's of co-ordinates.

Even mum had to jerk her self back into concentration every now and then.

I rapped my fingers on the table wondering when I could leave the table

"Neeka your excused" Mum said quickly ... having mercy upon her youngest offspring.

Listening to the drone of Mishaai's voice was more torturous then you could probably imagine

As I ran towards my room like I was four years old and being chased by a droid machina ... I saw Khans look of extreme jealously

Mum noticed this also

"Khan your excused"

As we made our way to our rooms we actually spoke.

"oh thank god" Khan sighed

"How can anyone be that boring and -"

"Stupid?" Khan offered

"Yeah" and we both laughed and walked inside our rooms, which were next door to each other.

As I fell against my door I felt a deep inner sadness

It was the little things like that I would miss about Khan

Just talking to him, even when he didn't want to talk to me ... he was still there

He was always there

If he left he wouldn't be

How did my life become such a twisted mess

My parents were never meant to divorce ... and Khan was never meant to leave me

Atleast until I was ready for him too

I wasn't ready for him to leave

I just wasn't ready

**

* * *

a/n:** Why must all my chapters end on a depressing note? Neeka was being a bit sulky this chapter, but shes untitled to be selfish and whiney every now and then. Khans a confused mess ... poor bugger. Gippal isn't evil, he just does stupid things and Rikku seems to have a heart again Hurah! Aera got a tad bitchy ... (hehe) and I have plans for Mishaai ... Jame is becoming more of a character... i'm staring to give him a few flaws which will cause a few dramas in the coming chapters. Next chapter is going to be chaotic ... I would give the name but it would give too much away. All i'll say is that it's going to take the heat of Gippal and shove it onto another character instead ... atleast for awhile

hehe, I LOVE IT when I have direction

Thanks for joining me this chapter ... wow it's my tenth, cant believe it

Doesn't feel like it's been a long time since I begun writing this.

Remember review! reviews rock my sox!

**Review Replies:**

**madmaz: **

yay another inspiring review!

This is going to be hard to explain but my characters different personalities are clouded in my mind, like I don't see too much difference in them but then reviewers tell me I describe them well ... it's so wierd! really cool but wierd. I wrote this story because I had never seen something like it done before. I'm Gippal/Rikku obsessed and I never intended to a fan fiction ... I didn't know what to do or where to start but it's turned out so well and I have wonderful reviewers like you. I don't know if you know how much reviews truely help an author, because without yours I probably would of lost confidence and given up chapter three.

**oOoDancingQueenoOo:**

haha I totally agree! so I allowed Neeka to develop a bit of an attitude this chapter ... she cant be nice 24/7 :)

**FlyHigh4Life:**

lol, you make me laugh! Gippal seems to think Rikku will get both kids as well ... thus the apprenticeship offer ... grrrrr GRAB A KNIFE

**randomcat23:**

Thanks for the review! the whole "reactions" thing is hard to do sometimes, I just have to sit there and think for a few minutes and repeat "What would the character do/say?" and the right answer eventually comes.

**K-Jaye:**

yay, I smiled when I read your review. Sux about your parents divorce, I don't know when it's a better for it too happen when you are younger or older. Mine divorced when I was ten. The custody thing was bloody hard to write, I really had no clue what I was typing but there was the result. Khans been a bit spaced out lately so I tried to liven up his brain cells this chapter.

**Rikku SWiRLS:**

Oh my god! i'm so sorry ... I thought it was a useless flame! so sorry! I didn't mean to sound like such a bitch

**Jen** :

lol, yeah I get what you mean. Glad you thought it was cute! I really am no good with romance scenes, I was cringing as I wrote it and bursting into immature fits of giggles every few seconds, haha, have hope for Gippal and Rikku ... of course i'm not giving away the ending i'm just saying nothings for certain ...

**green-eyed-blonde:**

I'm sorry to hear about your parents, I really hope everything is okay with them now. All relationships go through tough times I guess. I had another reviewer say it helped them and wow, I actually feel like theres a point to me right now ... I go to school and I come home ... my life feels so meaningless sometimes. Even if it is just a fanfictions it's helping me in more ways then I probably know now ... hey I can even spell favorite now!

**atcw1210:**

Hey thanks for the review, I intend to finish this. This story wont be abandoned, right now it means too much to me.

**Jezzi (im lazy): **

lol, not signing in ... thats deplorable. Joking, thanks for the review. I wouldn't have a clue how custody system works, my own father just decided to move to another state and leave me with my mum.


	11. Media

**Chapter 11: ** **Media**

**a/n:** Welcome to chapter eleven ... I tried to get this up last night but I was having log in problems

* * *

Imagine waking up, having a look at the paper and seeing a particularly awful photo of yourself splashed across the front page of Spira's most famous newspaper with a screaming headline saying: 

"Royal Divorce"

Well thats exactly what happened to me ... I actually choked on my orange juice when I saw it.

Mum slapped my back so I wouldn't choke to death and told me the media was bound to find out soon or a later.

"Did they have to use _that_ photo ... look at me!" I whined

Mum squinted at the photo and agreed it wasn't the most flattering one they could of used.

"You look like a monkey sissy" Khan teased

Remind me again _why_ I didn't want him to leave?

"Khan" I cried, swatting him with the newspaper

"Ahh" Khan shrieked spitting toast all over the table

"Oh I take you have seen page two of the Spiran Times hunny bunny" Mum smirked

Page two contained an interesting story about Khan, his life so far, his alleged romantic connections with Asha, a debate whether she would be the next queen and finally some nice drunken photos of him that one of his 'friends' most of sold to the paper. According to the paper the divorce had turned the "next machine faction leader" into a alcoholic party boy.

"Thats what you get for underage drinking" Mum lectured with a swift smile

"Mum this is invasion of privacy!" Khan whined

I cautiously flicked through the Spiran times but the only story running on me was "My heartbreak ... Through innocent eyes"

Some anonymous 'close friends' and some 'sources' apparently say I am not handling the divorce very well and I am well on my way to self destruction.

_Nice! _

Honestly I had seen some pretty shocking stories about my family run in the Spiran Times but it still didn't make it any easier for me each time I had to read that trash.

"Ugh, i'm going to Jame's" I spat

"Wouldn't go out outside if I were you" Mum warned with confidence

"Why?" I questioned with curiously

Mum just nodded her head towards the window, where the blinds were unusually drawn closed.

I opened them slightly and saw several eager looking reporters camped out onto the desert sand

"Mum this is invasion of privacy" I whined, mimicking Khan

"They'll lose interest soon ... Blitzball finals are next week" Mum assured

"How do you know?" I asked

"I've had thirty nine years to watch the media work it's magic" Mum answered

"We were meant to go digging today" Khan sulked

"Don't worry, the parasites will get distracted soon"

* * *

Apparently the 'parasites' weren't getting distracted anytime soon 

Hours had passed and they were still waiting at the front of our house, eagerly clutching their cameras and scribbling in their notebooks.

"Mum, who would of told the media about the divorce in the first place?" I asked

"Well there aren't many people that could of ... but I suppose it could of just leaked" Mum answered

"Mr Matherson? Mr Putz? Judge Roberta Clare?"

"I doubt it, they're lawyers and the other is a district judge ... I'm sure theres some sort of client confidentiality involved there"

"Brother? Cid?"

"Neeka! they're family" Mum scolded

"But they could be trying to get at dad" Khan threw in

"They wouldn't go that far" Mum answered with blind faith

"Fshea?"

"Brother wouldn't let her do something like that"

"But he wouldn't have to know" I protested

"Very well, suspect one ... who else? said mum

"Khan did you tell any of your friends?" I asked my brother who was sitting at the circular table thinking

"Just Jame?" Khan answered

"Alright suspect two" Mum declared

"MUM!" Khan and I argued

"Hey you think I wanted to add my future 'sister in law' to the list, let alone a boy who I've know since he was four?" Mum defended

"Fine" Khan and I groaned

"Dad wouldn't ... would he?" I asked uncertainly

Mum laughed, "no ... the media has a habit of turning on him quite easily, he wouldn't risk it"

"So who then?"

Mum shrugged "It will all come out in the end"

I was feeling very angry at this point, someone had exploited our family for money.

Someone had destroyed our families privacy for money

Someone had turned our front yard into a media circus

It made me sick

* * *

When the day fell to night the reporters must of gotten cold and just went home. 

It was the perfect opportunity to sneak out and see Jame

I bolted down the dusty old track embracing sweet freedom.

When I got to Jame's house I was surprized to see him moodily sitting on his front porch, he blinked slowly before he realised I was there.

He seemed surprized ... and not exactly happy either.

I felt a my stomach jerk uncomfortably but I ignored it and plastered a painfully fake smile across my face.

"How are you?" He asked blankly

There was no emotion in his voice and a cold chill racked my body even though it was a warm summers night

"Are you okay?" I questioned him cautiously

"You shouldn't answer with a question with a question" Jame replied swiftly, a small spark of his usual humor.

_See he's fine, _the little voice in my head told me ... but something ... just something felt a little off.

I shook my head vigorously and ignored it ...but _you know something up _continued to plague my mind.

"Neeks" Jame pressed, waving his hands in my face.

"I'm sorry ... I got distracted ... what did you say?" I answered, smiling tightly.

_Jame would never go to the press ... would he?_

"I asked how you were" Jame answered, running his fingers through his dark hair.

"I'm ... I'm okay" I lied

_Your just being paranoid ... but what if_

"NO!" I cried

"What ... your not okay?" Jame fussed

_but is he really worried?_

"Oh ... no I'm fine ... I was just thinking"

"Ah want to come inside? Jame asked, twitching his eyebrow in confusion

_This is JAME Neeka, he wouldn't do that to our family_

Ok" I replied

When I walked into the house my eye immediantly jumped to the brand spankin' new silver SphereVision set that sat proudly in the corner of the room.

_That looks rather expensive Neeka ... where did they get the money so fast, _a cruel voice bounced of the walls in my head

"You like it?" Jame asked quietly, looking at ground.

_Why wont he look at me? _I questioned helplessly

"It's ... it's nice" I answered, struggling with my words.

"Yeah" said Jame, flicking on a Blitzball game with the silver remote pad.

The Al Bhed Blitzball team exploded across the screen, plainly thrashing the Macalanians.

"If they win this one the Al Bhed are in the finals" Jame cried enthusiastically, his swirley green eyes lighting up.

_I hope you enjoy watching it on your new SphereVision set, _a venomous voice, so unlike my own spat harshly in my mind.

Jame and I sat in total silence as we watched the last quarter of the game, finally it was over and the Al Bheds won respectively.

"I should go home" I stated blankly, now fully convinced Jame had sold the divorce story to the papers.

We headed outside and I was about to set of for a heartbroken walk down the dusty track when Jame spun me around.

"Your not okay" He nodded, looking into my eyes.

_How can he even look at me after what he did!_

State the obvious" I shot back moodily

"I'm sorry, did I ..." But Jame never got to finish the sentence

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!" I shouted

Jame looked seriously confused.

_He should run of to Luca and be an actor_

"Do what?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT"

"I'm sorry, I really don't know what your -" Jame replied with annoyance becoming evident in his voice

"IT WAS YOU WHO SOLD THE DIVORCE STORY TO THE PAPER ... HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY FAMILY ... TO KHAN ... TO ME ... TO MUM!" I screamed, kicking around the sand.

Jame looked more furious then I had _ever_ seen him

_Probably because he's been caught out_

Do you seriously think that?" He asked coldly

"YES"

James pulled me in front of him and set his hands on my shoulders.

"Look at me ... do you seriously think I did that" said Jame, his smoldering eyes looking more serious then I had ever seen them.

I felt myself begin to shrink before him, I swallowed and summoned my strength.

"Yes" I answered, but it only came out a soft whimper.

Before I cold see Jame's expression he looked at the ground, when he looked back up at me he had recomposed himself.

His expression was impassive

"Why?" He asked quickly and coldly, his tone of voice hit me straight to my heart and I found I was beginning to doubt myself.

"Something ... was ...was wrong with you before ... and you have a new spherevision ..." I stuttered

Jame's expression was icily cold ... he didn't look how he should ... guilty and caught out.

"My mothers been harassing me .. after six years of no contact she wants me to live with her, I've had a lot on my mind ... she was trying to buy me with the spherevision I guess" said Jame emptily

_Oh god _... and then he shoved me away, as he walked back up to his house he stood on the porch, towering over me.

"My father was right when he told me to never trust women ... they are all the same, one way or another" he said voice void of emotion ... and then he went back inside.

I wanted to break down and cry right there, but I blinked back tears and begun to walk home.

Seconds later a heard a loud smash come from inside the home, and the bluish glow of the SphereVision screen disappeared from the front window ... and the house went black.

Part of me wanted to run back in there and try and make things okay ... I couldn't handle him sitting alone in the dark ... all trust broken and feeling so empty.

But I didn't, I kept on walking.

_It's no loss ...he was probably lying anyway, _but the words wouldn't comfort me because deep down ... I knew ... I knew he wasn't lying.

I finally let the tears fall from my face.

The rest of the walk home was a blur of violent crying and regret.

_Why cant I think things through? _I cursed

I remember my dad always called my mum too impulsive, she made risky decisions ... although it usually worked out well in the end, he still didn't like it.

I walked into the house, wondering if I could run inside my room without anyone seeing my puffy bloodshot eyes.

_I am so stupid! _

"Neeks ... I just got off the commsphere with your - ... have you been crying?" Mum asked with shock

"Just ... just a bit of hay fever ... it's the pollen ... in the air ... this time of year" I lied ... even though I knew mum wouldn't believe me because I had never had hay fever once in my life.

"Anyway, I just got of the commsphere with your father and Aera broke up with him then went straight to the papers" said Mum breathlessly

_The absolute icing on the freakin' cake_

"I hate her" I muttered, blaming her directly for whatever had happened with Jame and I ... was it a fight or a break up? I questioned myself silently

_Of course it's a break up you stupid girl, _a merciless voice inside my head snarled.

Deep down ... very deep down, I still held hope Jame would forgive me ... somehow

_yeah right!_

I weakly took the Commsphere from mums grasp and walked into my room.

I had the call immediently connected to D'Jose where Karfka swiftly stated dad wasn't taking any calls.

"I'm his daughter for god sakes!" I screamed into the speaker ... Karfka looked like he had been electrocuted and immediately connected the call to dads room.

"I told you "NO COMMENT" Dad shouted like he had rehearsed that same line many times that day.

"Oh sorry princess" he said sheepishly

"Daddy" I whispered, small fat tears beginning to drip down from my face

"Neeks whats wrong?" Dad asked urgently, looking like he wanted to break through the glass and be right there with me.

"Can I stay at D'Jose tonight?" I whispered

_I needed to get as far away from this house ... and from Jame's house as I could_

"Did you and your mum have a fight?" He asked sympathetically.

"No ... no ... please I just need to get away from here"

"Sure you can come here ... you never have to ask, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah" I answered softly, and then I hung up the CommSphere

* * *

The hover pulled up in front of D'Jose 

Mum still looked concerned ... and confused as why I was doing this.

It was just after twelve am and the D'Jose grounds were completely deserted.

Mum opened her mouth to say something ... but the only sound that hung in the air were were the croaks of the crickets.

"Bye baby girl" Mum said, kissing my forehead.

"Night mum .. I'll call you tomorrow" I said sadly, stepping out of the hover.

I watched the hover speed away.

I felt better to say the least, I think getting away made me feel better ... like I was leaving behind the responsibility of cleaning up the damage that I'd caused in Sanubia.

The crickets continued to croak, the stars continued shine and I made my way up to the doors of D'Jose temple.

* * *

Not much later I was sitting on a couch with dad, feasting on Ice cream while we both sulked about our messed up lives. 

"I trusted her" Dad whined

"How could I be so stupid!" I cursed

It resulted in our best chat we had had in many months ... or maybe even years.

It was like the spark in the father-daughter relationship had been lit again ... like I loved him so much ... and not because I had to, he was my father after all ... but because I _wanted _to.

"I think Aera will do a spherevision interview" Dad fretted

"I'll claw her eyes out if she tries" I threatened viciously.

"What did she mean by ''So sorry ...I'm moving on to better things'' anyway" Dad said, impersonating Aera's voice with a shrilly whine.

"Stupid woman ... shes an attention seeker" I tried to comfort ... forgetting about my own problems for a short second.

We both sighed and sunk deeper into the couch

There wasn't a time in my life where I can remember things being this traumatic.

If this wasn't making me stronger it was going to destroy me.

I entertained the fact that maybe I should be stronger ... more mature.

Maybe then things would get better.

Maybe ... just maybe.

**

* * *

A/n:** Trust me I set out to make this an amusing chapter ... kind of like a detective one, like ''who dunnit?" but it turned out to be one of the most emotional chapters yet ... I hope it wasn't too dramatic. I tried not to over do it so it resulted in me spending three days writing the Jame and Neeka argument ... ugh, I just wasn't satisfied with anything I had written. This was an extremely late update, it's not that I had writers block or anything, it's because I went on an eleven day holiday to Vietnams Hanoi, lovely holiday, anyway I had hoped to get this up before I left but then the chapter would of been rushed. I'm sincerely sorry for the delay.

**Review Replies:**

**Jezzi: **Thanks for the lovely review, I understand exactly what you mean ... especially about the arsehole fathers ... anyway Rikku will just have to learn that 16 years with him cant be erased ... though she will try!

**FlyHigh4Life: **LOL, haha, your reviews always make me laugh, hope you enjoyed the chapter ... and that Gippal earned a few points in your book.

**oOoDancingQueenoOo: **hehe, I will say no more ... wink

**Jen:** ugh, Aera is a little bitch isn't she, lol, atleast the broke up anyway, thanks for the great review:)

**Rikku SWiRLS: **lol, I still feel guilty ... don't worry, i'm overly dramatic as well, i'm glad you got stuck into the story though ... that makes me feel bloody good!

**Moogle Girl: **Thanks for the review, lol, I love the quotes ... can I help take over the world with the fuzzy moogles ... pretty please?

**randomcat23:** G'day, It didn't seem right to fit Khans decision in this chapter, I guess it was just kinda Neeka and Jame revolved, you'll get his decision next chappie though, thanks for your always lovely reviews

**green-eyed-blonde:** I'm glad you related with the brother-sister situation. I don't have any siblings so I just had to kind of guess what the bond would be ... YAY! I'M HAPPY!

**Madmaz:** LOL, I hate it when FF wont let me log in ... grrrr, it's so frustrating. Anyway thanks for another lovely much appreciated review. I know it must get repetitive me saying it but I truely do mean it, I've never taken one of these for granted. I know i'm meant to be trying to ease my characters out of depressing times but I changed my story plan to make things flow a tad bit better ... things will get better soon ... If I stick to the plan anyway.

**DeaDolce:** Thankyou for reviewing, I read this in a little internet cafe in Vietnam and I was grinning ear to ear! Gippal and Rikku are complicated, and in the coming chapters i'm going to delve into them a bit more. I get the feeling I have been neglecting them slightly. I'm glad your liking Neeka ... although she is starting to crack a bit I still find her very strong. I wish I could of been more like her in my own experiences. Your absolutely right about getting outside support for Rikku, I guess I always intended but I could never really fit it in, I also didn't want any outside influences or interfering emotions ... I think I just wanted to keep it raw and simple, it's a nice idea though ... and it's certainly got me thinking!


	12. Breakdown

**Chapter 12: Breakdown**

**(a/n: I'm actually ashamed to post this)**

* * *

Looking back on the past few weeks it seemed a miracle that I had survived them. 

At least time is working like it should now ... in seconds, minutes, hours and days ... for awhile there it was just one giant block of misery.

A month has passed since that fateful day with Jame.

I haven't spoken to him, or tried.

Jame just wants to forget about me

I know this because Khan told me

It's funny how the only way I know about Jame's world is through the information Khan gives me

It's like I'm too short to look over the fence, the fence being a metaphor for Jame's life and Khan being the one who hoists me on his shoulders occasionally so I could get a better view

Picking information out of Khan when he comes home has become a nightly ritual and Khan is becoming increasingly irritated by it

I fear the time may come when I have to stop ... and yes, _get over it_

Whatever that means

* * *

"Sissy" Khan whined "Have you taken my good -" 

"I haven't touched your stupid screwdriver!" I screamed at him

Mum, who was doing some calculations at the circular table looked up at Khan and I, temporarily startled by my outburst

Khan muttered something about "women" and stalked back into his room, slamming the door.

I seemed to be yelling an awful lot lately, especially at Khan.

I tried to convince myself it was because he was my brother and it was my sworn duty to argue constantly with him ... but I knew that wasn't it.

I was so angry and bitter at him about something I just couldn't quite put my finger on ... but the anger was there alright.

Guiltily I suddenly remembered that I had in fact borrowed Khans favorite screwdriver.

_O well_, I thought carelessly, I had bigger things to worry about, it was only a screwdriver, it's not like it's the end of the world or anything.

Pushing screwdriver related thoughts into the back of my mind, I sat moodily in front of the spherevision.

_Stupid family shows_, I thought bitterly as I flicked through the channels.

Ever since Blitzball season had finished all of the exceptionally bad SphereVision programs had somehow found it's way on to the airwaves.

The Al Bheds hadn't even won the final.

"I hate my life" I muttered

* * *

In the next few days I begun to have a sense that the divorce proceedings were sneaking up on me once again

I spied mum making many phone calls to Mr. Matherson, then looking guilty and depressed after.

"_Let her be guilty_" I thought savagely, before feeling guilty myself seconds later

Mum was currently in the kitchen chatting to Mishaai about supposedly "work related" things

Although I had yet to hear the words "Co-ordinates" or "Digs" come from their mouths

Mum was giggling, somewhat childishly at something totally not funny.

I wondered for a second whether I was the one being childish but dismissed this thought as another one of mums loud delighted laughs filled my ears.

_What is wrong with everyone _I hissed to myself

_Whats wrong with you is the question _the critical voice inside my head hissed back

Great, even my own _thoughts_ were against me now.

I looked around the lounge room and it suddenly occurred to me how small this house really was.

There were three bedrooms, one bathroom, two toilets, a loungeroom and a kitchen all connected by one cramped dark hallway.

I had been living here for so long sometimes I just had to open my window and take a gulp of fresh air sometimes.

It was like I was going to suffocate or something if I didn't

Is it this house, is it the people living inside of it or is it really just our emotions?

Anger, Calmness and happiness intertwined and bouncing off the walls didn't mix

They clashed with my anger and I felt like I had been winded

Was I the faulty link in my family?

What should I do?

Should I leave?

I shook my head vigoriously ... mum wouldn't want me to leave ... would she?

I told myself my mind was just playing tricks on me and that all this insecurity was because of the breakdown in communication lately

But like many insecurities ... they never quite die.

* * *

"Neeka get in here!" Mum called angrily

I had been lying on my bed for the last hour, window wide open and hurling my moogle doll into the ceiling and letting it fall back and hit me in the face

I didn't even have the energy to catch the poor battered thing anymore.

"Neeka quickly!" Mum yelled again, urgency now evident in her strained voice.

I huffed and sat up on my bed in a similar way a vampire who had been sleeping in a coffin for a hundred years would.

"Sissy!" Khan called

I knew then that was my final warning.

Briefly I wondered if they were going to throw me out of the house.

_Don't be stupid_ my mind spoke

_But you never know ... _the opposing voice trailed unconvinced

_Shutup! _I told both voices

When you have to tell the voices in your head to shutup you know you have lost your lost thread of sanity.

When I entered the living room Mum, Mishaai and Khan were circled around the SphereVision.

I stared at the face plastered on the SphereVision for a second ... a plain looking women with mousy brown hair taking a deep drag of her cigarette.

_Aera!_

What was she doing on SphereVision ... and then it hit me harder then a rogue Machina arm.

Dad had mentioned she's threatened an interview ...

A weedy looking man with bright teeth and an expensive outfit and combed dark hair was speaking with great excitement evident in his eyes.

"_Aera will be telling her side of this scandalous story tomorrow night in a fabulous one-on-one interview conducted by me ... don't miss the biggest story of the year at 8:30PM on Channel SphereBloid .. but we know all of Spira are dying to know a few juicy details ... so heres a sneak peak_!"

Aera had even made sure they played the stupid thing on the most watched, awful channel in Spira.

In the back of my mind I pledged I would never leave this house again which was a bit of a contridiction to everything I had been thinking an hour ago.

Aera begun to speak of how her's and dads affair started a few years ago and splashed several letters and photos across the studios coffee table.

The weedy man wagged his finger like he would a naughty child and told his viewers they would have to wait until tomorrow night.

Mum looked disgusted and very _very _angry before hurling the SphereRemote at the wall and shrieking "I hate her"

Mum stalked off to her room slamming her door while Mishaai looked uncomfortable.

"I better go" he mumbled and exited to house

"So supportive" I muttered sarcastically to a stony Khan

Khan just glared at Mishaai's retreating back and then went into his room leaving me alone in the living room.

Why does it have to be like this? I questioned myself silently before collapsing in a heap on the brown carpet.

_It will pass _so spoke my mind ... but will it pass into better times or worse times was the question.

* * *

It was approximently 3AM and someone was knocking on my bedroom door. 

This was an unusual and extremely rare feat ... but it wasn't enough to make me open the door.

"Sissy" Khan whispered loudly.

Typically I was _almost _asleep when Khan decided to drop in for a visit

"What?" I questioned in a voice caught between a hiss and a whisper

"Unlock the door"

"It's like three am"

"Sissy"

"Oh fine" I grumbled sitting up and letting Khan inside my room.

"Gawd it's dark in here" Khan muttered

"It's night ..." I reminded him

Khan didn't bother to answer, but instead opened my blinds so the moonlight shone brightly around my room.

"Thats better" he said and made himself comfortable on my bed

"It's not as though I'm not enjoying this pajama party ... but get to the point why you are here" I asked him, edginess apparent in my voice.

I didn't really know what I had been so angry at him lately it's not like he had distinctly done anything to me, he had just been happier really.

Maybe I didn't want everyone to be happy if I couldn't be

I dismissed that thought ... I wasn't that selfish was I ...

There had to be another reason

Khan suddenly looked very nervous, he opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

"Spit it out" I told him coldly

"I'm taking that apprenticeship ... the one dad offered ... I accepted" Khan confessed, not daring to look into my eyes.

Shock filled me ... I cant believe I had forgotten all about that ... I thought he had rejected it.

I sat slowly on my bed and begun to ring my hands together.

_He cant leave _my mind begged

"You cant leave" I blurted out ... but it came out more of a plea then a statement.

"I have to" Khan shrugged calmly, relieved I wasn't going to throw something at him.

"What about mum ... and me ..." I trailed desperately

"You'll both be fine without me here" he assured ... but that wasn't good enough

"But we need you here" I croaked, tears beginning to well up because now I realised it was for certain ... Khan is leaving.

"You don't need me here" he said, shaking his head but not looking at my face

So typical of Khan, he could never handle girls crying ... he usually ran a mile from them when they did.

"Don't you care about mum and I" I asked, anger beginning to prickle inside of me.

"Of course I do" said Khan, shocked that I would even suggest it.

"Then why are you leaving us?" I asked stubbornly, fat tears falling madly from my face and onto my blanket.

"This is a really good opportunity for me Sissy ... the best"

"But cant you go ... another time ... another year" I begged

"No I need to leave now ... it's important I leave now" Khan stated firmly

"Why?"

"I need to fix this ... hole ... with dad before it's too late"

"Cant you just go and visit him?"

"It's not that simple Sissy" said Khan softly, shaking his head

I knew then that there was no way to change this.

Khan was truly leaving us ... leaving me ... and I couldn't change that.

It hit me hard, real hard and I begun to cry violently

"Sissy" Khan said, trying to comfort me

"Just leave me alone" I cried, pushing his arm away

"Please, will you just try and -"

"Leave me alone" I repeated.

" - understand me" Khan finished

"GET OUT AND LEAVE ME ALONE" I screamed, hurling my moogle doll at him

Khan looked shocked, and then hurt ... but he left the room defeated none the less.

* * *

I didn't speak to Khan at breakfast the next morning 

Mum tried to ignore my coldness to him, she tried to act like she hadn't heard our late night argument but I know she had.

I screamed so loud Jame had probably heard my voice.

That actually strangely comforted me

In fact I didn't speak to Khan again until the day he left ... which was two days later.

I gave him a cold goodbye ... no hug ...no well wishes ... nothing.

Khan looked like he had been punched in the stomach but he didn't say anything ... he just hugged and kissed mum goodbye and sped of in a hover.

As that hover sped away I realized my last pathetic connection to Jame had gone with it.

I knew then why I had been angry with Khan even before he had left.

I was jealous ... very, very jealous.

I was jealous that Khan still had a relationship with Jame

That he could still talk to Jame

That he still call Jame

That he could be part of Jame's world ... whereas I couldn't be ... and by the way thing were going I never would be again.

The small speck of silver on the horizon disappeared ... Khan was completely gone now.

He had begun his own little adventure ... and I was stuck here with mum ... picking up the pieces.

It wasn't fair that he got to leave and I had to stay here and suffer.

I didn't know where I wanted to be ... but I knew it was anywhere but here.

* * *

**a/n:**_If your a regular reader of mine you probably would of realised there has been a long break in my updates ... this is because I was sadly cursed with an unbreakable block of writers block, when I started this chapter I had no direction and hadn't planned out future chapters and I was just stuck in this rut ... I've planned out my last eight chapters so updating should come fairly swiftly from now on. I apologise for the long break and the impression that this story had been abandoned. As for this chapter well not much happened really, I just wanted a chapter full of "Neeka emotions" I used this chapter to basically position my characters for future chapters ... and plus I really wanted to show a reversal in how Khan and Neeka have been acting._

**Review Replies:**

**randomcat23: **aww thanks, although I don't think I deserve any applause because of the shocking amount of time between my last update, i'm glad you liked that chapter. I think when your dealing with two such high profile people it's really only natural for the media to get involved ... I got inspiration from the Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston case, lol. I've been worrying i'm dragging the story out too much so it was a relief to hear that it wasn't too fast, yet too slow.

**oOoDancingQueenoOo: **Yeah I love him to bits ... dear sweet Jame ... but don't worry it isn't the complete end of him

**Jezzi: **My ex-boyfriend always complained I jumped to conclusions (that prick) so I think I have incorporated that into my story, lol, yeah the poor dear is a bit paranoid with all the suspicion in the air. I love the Gippal/Neeka scene ... bonding baby! ()

**MoMo-ChAn1: **Call me coldhearted but I don't care much for cows ... I eat them ... thats the way the foodchain goes, but animal hunting ... now thats another issue, but anyway yeah I am crap when it comes to grammar, maybe I should get a BETA or something, gawd knows I cant stand proofreading.

**FlyHigh4Life: **Yay Gippal gained points! lol, nah Mishaai-the-freak doesn't have the brains to realise he could make a lot of money out of the story.LOL, your neighbour sounds just like our Mishaai, gawd that made me laugh ... hands over candy bar

**Moogle Girl: **hehe, it was Aera indeed. I like the sound of that Tidus photo (insert fangirl drool)

**DeaDolce: **hehe, that was quite possibly one of my favorite Broken Dolls moments.

**Emmy-miester: **yay my first threat! this is a good day in EdenJaded history ... the future of Jame and Neeka is uncertain

**FairyIce (Jen) - **so your the mysterious FairyIce, lol, I'm glad I succeeded with the suspicion ... I really wanted to make my readers feel Jame was the culprit and then make them feel stupid with her, lol (sorry!) I was afraid Jame's reaction was too over-the-top but I just really wanted it to be one of the darkest moments in the story. Hehe Aera and Gippal are most definitely FINISHED.

**Mikusan: **Thanks for the wonderful review, your comments made me a happy girl ... then a guilty one because of the long break between my updates. You are actually right, it was slightly more complicated then I have said ... and the interview next chapter will delve into it more.

**Krystall Trensk: **I'm blushing here, basically Neeka has not been thinking straight for the last few chapters, there is just too much happening to really filter it all and get a clear view on everything ... so shes going to make a mistake or two (or three) I just don't want her to turn into a Mary-Sue type. One of the points of this story was to give a different view on what Rikku/Gippal might be like after marriage ... I mean i've seen fics on what happens before but rarely after ... let alone say 19 years later. I know what you mean by having it torn apart ... thats actually why Khans taking the apprenticeship early ... to stop that from happening. Thanks for the review!

**Sweet Demon Slayer: **Ugh, Aera is a little bint ... who if she was real I would slap sigh. From what I gather marriage is a very complicated and a hard thing, so I really wanted to explore that ... and well Gippal/Rikku is my favourite couple so this fic had no choice but to exist!


	13. Interview and Consequence

**Chapter 13: Interview and Consequence**

**(a/n: Mwahahaha, I wrote this chapter in two days! writers block gone! I am so happy! see I wasn't lying when I said the next update would be soon)**

**

* * *

**  
I woke up this morning to always appreciated feeling of swatted with a rolled-up news paper.

"Mum" I whined, burying me head under the covers

"You had to get up sometime " she snapped.

Mum had been in a fierce mood since Khan left

She obviously wasn't content with just having just me here.

That really was rather a depressing thought.

That blasted interview had also put a downer on things.

It played a few nights ago but mum wouldn't let me watch it so I stayed trapped inside my room.

I wonder why she wouldn't let me watch it

Did she not trust I could control my anger?

That had to be it, I mean what other reason could there be?

So mum spent that horrible hour in the living room with only a bottle of red wine for company.

I had a vague clue of what Aera said on the interview ... the next day I scrounged around for the paper and found it scrunched up in the bin.

It basically said Aera had told "The most shocking story of the year ... in vivid detail" meaning she hadn't left a single _juicy _detail out.

Ugh, sometimes society made me sick.

* * *

When I walked into the kitchen mum was ironing her work clothes which consisted of a dark green tank top and shorts ... suitable for desert work.

"Your going on a dig?" I asked her dumbly, trying to remember when she had told me.

"Yep, all the way out in Bikanel, I'll be back tomorrow afternoon" Mum replied simply

"You didn't tell me" I whined

"Sorry I must of forgot"

_Typical_

"Can I stay here by myself?" I asked enthusiastically, excitement pricking inside me.

"Of course not" Mum dismissed

"Why?" I continued

"You cant stay out here by yourself ... what if something happened, the nearest house is Jame's"

That settled the argument because I would rather be murdered and cut up in to little pieces then have to run to Jame's for help.

"So who's staying with me ... it isn't Brother and Fshea is it?" I asked warily

"No ... no, Pops wants to stay with you, he's been whining he hasn't seen you in ages" Mum replied

"Oh ... I guess that will be okay" I answered uncertainly.

Although Pops could be quite full on at times he was pretty loveable ... despite his fierce temper which he had definitely passed down to his darling grandchildren.

"He'll be here in a few hours ... have fun" Mum smirked

Mum had an odd relationship with Cid

They almost never got along but somehow there fighting seemed to show there affection for each other more then any act of kindness.

Mum (as odd as it was) always seemed to be attracted to the people she argued with.

So why on earth was she attracted to Mishaai?

* * *

Several hours later Pops was inspecting the house, looking fussy and annoyed at the state of it.

"Why don't that girlie of mine buy a nicer house" Pops growled fingering the peeled beige paint.

"I dunno ... it's not bad .." I lied

Pops "hmph'd" childishly and moved on to the living room.

I tagged behind him rubbing my temple in annoyance.

"Gawd damn this sofa is lumpy ... and yeh that mum expects me to sleep on it" Cid whined

"Ah yes?" I replied weakly

Cid muttered something about his ungrateful daughters lack of hospitality

"Come watch some SphereVision with me, tell me what ya been doing with yeh self" Pops asked, sinking down into the lumpy sofa.

"Just the usual" I replied, as Cid flicked through the SphereVision channels

"Got yeh self a boyfriend girlie?" Pop asked with curiosity as a kissing couple flashed across the screen

"No, Jame hates me" I muttered

"Jame ... Jame ... oh ... Khans friend eh?" Pops said trying to remember

"Yeah him" I replied awkwardly

I hadn't expected pops to actually _care_

Cant win em all but there will be plenty more if you end up looking like that girlie of mine"

"I don't look like mum now?" I asked with interest

"Sometimes yeh do ... when yeh angry" Cid growled proudly

"Mum said I looked exactly like you when i'm angry" I laughed ... which believe me lately that had been a rare occurrence

"Never ... I don't have a temper" Cid whined defensively ... but then he gave a humorous wink and took a gulp out of his beer can.

"Yeh mum says you been angry lately"

"No I haven't I just -"

"Yeh threw a screw-driver at Khans head in a fit a rage" Pops interrupted

"It's all Jame's fault" I muttered moodily

"Yeh cared about him a lot?" Pops asked awkwardly, probably not wanting to get into a conversation about his beloved grandaughters love life

"He made me forget ... about the divorce ... and everything" I answered sadly

Somehow it didn't feel odd telling Cid this ... because I had needed to talk to someone about it for so long ... as strange as it was Pops was the perfect person.

I mean he got angry, he threatened ... but if you really got through to him he listened ... but most importantly he really did care.

"Now that Jame's gone yeh gotta put up with this rubbish all day every day" Cid nodded

_wow, somebody actually gets it _my mind thought with relief ... for the last month I had felt about as understood as a wild fiend.

"Yeah and now I cant get away ... it all just ... like builds up"

"Then get just as angry as that psychotic Shuyin fella?" Cid offered

"Yeah ... but who's Shuyin?" I asked with confusion

"Eh get yeh mum to tell yeh one day ... it's a long story ... he was all mixed up in that bloody Vegnagun business"

My stomach dropped slightly at the thought of trying to communicate with mum

"Oh ... okay"

Cid sunk lower into the sofa and took another sip of his beer "Bloody family shows" he whined "cant get nothin' decent on ere anymore"

I smiled slightly but I was still thinking about how my stomach had dropped at the thought of trying to have a conversation with mum.

Lately mum and I just didn't work ... there was so much friction and fighting that I doubt she even liked being in the same room as me.

She didn't even let me watch the interview and she had mentioned nothing about how she had even felt about it.

Where had the trust gone?

Why had she stopped confiding in me?

Ever since Cid had gotten here I had felt calmer ... and the house _almost _seemed bearable

I didn't want him to leave ... unless I could have Rikku - my mother back, not this cold robotic shell that had replaced her.

For gawds sakes she didn't even tell me she was leaving until the last minute.

The only time she showed even the slightest bit of emotion was when Mishaai was around, when she saw Aera on SphereBloid, and the morning Khan left.

I was feeling pretty unloved ... and that didn't improve my mood one bit.

I guess it all come down to Jame

I missed him so much ... just having someone there to always talk to ... someone to tell me they actually care about me ... someone who wont run off to Djose and leave me behind.

Jame gave my something to think about, to look forward to

Now I had nothing

I didn't want to be this way

I didn't want to be angry, mean and bitter

I didn't want to turn the rest of my loved ones against me

So what to do?

Be more pleasant around people?

I knew that would be a waste of energy, I couldn't just pretend to be happy when I was aching and miserable inside.

I needed Jame back ... he couldn't just forget about me dammit ... it wasn't right.

* * *

Ever wake up to the sound of a SphereVision ringing mercilessly? 

I did the next morning

Eventually I could no longer bury my head under my covers and wait for the piercing noise to stop so I stumbled into the Living Room and picked up the wailing thing which was next to a snoring Cid.

How anyone could sleep through that awful shrill I did not know.

I answered the SphereVision and saw Khans face.

"Sissy -" He started.

Too late ... I had already hung up.

I guess he must of been having a guilt trip about abandoning his sister in a silent war zone

If he was looking for forgiveness anytime soon he shouldn't look for it here.

I still was unspeakably angry at him and I was happier when I didn't have to think of him.

I guess I was also jealous he got to leave this damned desert

I mean I could live with dad if I really wanted to ... but no matter how angry I was with mum, and how cold she was being ... I just couldn't do that to her.

I was a prisoner of my own conscience

The CommSphere didn't ring again

* * *

I had been staring at myself in the mirror for that last hour and attacking my messy blonde hair with a comb 

I was eating bacon for breakfast this morning and a memory flashed through my mind of when Jame had come over for breakfast once and I was in those disastrous chocobo pajamas.

I smiled fondly at the memory and I knew then I had to see Jame today.

So I went to my bedroom with fierce determination to formulate a brilliant plan that would make somehow Jame forgive me ... and make everything right again.

One hour later I had still not thought of this brilliant plan

My swirly green eyes remained blank

The only thing I could do was knock on his door and beg for forgiveness

My stomach churned uncomfortably at that thought

I didn't like begging ...

I shook my head angrily

_This is Jame you selfish bint! _my mind snapped at me

I knew then I had to make an exception

I had to let my pride go

* * *

I summoned the courage to leave the house an hour and a half later. 

Cid was reluctant to let me out of his sight because he had this phobia that I would run off on an adventure and abandon him.

I firmly told him I wasn't as random as mum was when she was fifteen and Pops let me leave the house.

I loved leaving the house ... even to check the letterbox

It was a windy day and the sand blew mercilessly in my face, stinging my eyes.

One of the negatives of living in desert I guess

It would usually take twenty minutes to walk to Jame's if I walked fast ... but today I was walking unusually slow.

My hands couldn't stop shaking and long apology speeches that I had practiced ran through my head

I was so sure this was going to work when I left the house ... so why was I feeling so nervous now?

I continued to walk ... knees getting shakier and weaker by each step.

Still I struggled on until I saw Jame's dusty pale blue house and the rusty gate.

My stomach shook violently as I came closer.

That was when I noticed the people at the front of his house ... and loud music filled my ears

By instinct I dived behind a large prickly brown plant common in Sanubia and watched.

In the distance I could see Jame chatting to his friend Kiyak.

_Jame_

My heart flip flopped as I realised this was the first time I had seen him since that awful night just over a month ago ...

I spied Asha in the distance, mingling around the party ... her sun kissed blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight

Anger that Cid had tried to mellow out begun to rise again.

I was moping at home heartbroken and Jame was having parties!

Angrily I turned around and begun to storm back home

I must of made an attractive sight with my twisted knotty blonde hair and my puffy red-rimmed eyes that the sand had gotten into.

I couldn't believe it ... I mean I knew he was trying to get over me from what Khan had said ... but I didn't expect this.

When I was a nice safe distance from Jame's house I collapsed on the sand and attempted to filter it all ...

I was so angry right now ... but really I was more hurt if anything

I just wished I didn't have to be so soft sometimes and that I could just see Jame as a jerk and never think of him again.

I knew that was unlikely though ... because I knew Jame wasn't a jerk ... he was far from it.

When I think of Jame I think of the person he was when we were together.

I knew that wouldn't change ... no matter how angry I was.

* * *

When I finally come home ... emotionally drained and hungry, I found mum waiting for me preparing a bowl of spicy soup. 

"Hi mum" I greeted warily

"Hi Neeka" Mum replied plainly, stirring my bowl

Mum had just twisted the blade that Jame had already stuck inside of me with her cold greeting.

I sat at the round circular table in the plain beige kitchen and took a sip of my soup.

The soup was stone cold

Somehow I wasn't surprized

"How was your dig?" I asked mum in attempt to somehow connect with her.

"Mishaai messed up the co-ordinates, it set us back" Mum replied

The rest of dinner was completely silent after that

I wondered if it would always be like that now that Khan was gone

I wondered how long this ... women who was supposed to be my _mother_ would be around for

Mostly I wondered how long I could handle this house for.

I was breaking up ... and I knew it.

* * *

**(a/n: ahhh poor Neeka, I am so cruel to her, this way another "Neeka's Feelings" chapter basically ... it's funny how stories evolve, like at the start it was about a divorce and now it's becoming this "coming of age/learning to deal" type story as well ... I cant believe how long it is now! the longest story I have EVER written. I am so excited about the coming chapters. Haha, I am one happy author right now ... yeah sorry about that ramble, anyway I hope you didn't find the chapter too boring ... and REVIEW so I can reach the big 100!)**

**REVIEW REPLIES**

**Jezzi: **Thanks for the review! it never ceases to amaze me when someone tells me they have gotten emotional over a chapter

**FairyIce: **Your review comforted me! I felt so bad about the long space between the updates, but I swear I am going to start making up for it now! I was happy someone had commented on the fence metaphor ... it was the only way I could describe how Neeka was feeling about Jame.

**Green-eyed-blond/Emmy Miester: **lol, threaten me all you wish ... they make me happy! oooh tearing an Aera plushie to bits sounds good right now eh? I was surprized you felt sorry for Khan, because most people were angry at him ... but I felt sorry for him too! lol

**oOoRikku4EveroOo: **I hate fighting also ... which is odd because my story contains so much of it. Thanks for another much appreciated review!

**Krystall Trensk: **Yay! you understood why Khan needed to leave, because you are right, he and Neeka are completely different people who handle different situations in different ways, but yeah I reckon Neeka anger is justified, poor dear, lol, Mishaai is just stupid ... but he is there unfortunately.

**PSPhreak: **Don't apologise! I know what you mean about studying ...it should come before reading fanfiction, lol! thanks for the compliment about my characterisations, it made me blush! I was very happy. I love Jame also ... theres just something about him I have liked from day one. You discovered a hole in plot that I was hoping would go unnoticed until I found the perfect moment to fit it in ... and well I never really did find that perfect moment in previous chapters but I have finally worked out where I can slot it in ... so Khan will talk about it soon. Your right about Neekas weird mood swing from Hopeful to Angry, at the start of last chapter I had kind of lost Neeka and my plot because I had fierce writers block and looking back it does seem a rather drastic change but I think her and Jame's breakup really shook her up ... so I tried to give an explanation to her anger in this chapter, I hope it kind of cleared things up for you. Your review helped me as I was writing this chapter because without it I wouldn't of noticed the oddities about last chapter and I probably would not of attempted to fix them. Thanks very much!

**MoMo-ChAn1: **I don't mind birds really, very graceful creatures ... chickens, hens and roosters are the exception though ... I have been attacked that many times on my aunties farm! Yeah Neeka is cracking up a bit, sorry about that long space between updates!

**FlyHigh4Life: **hehe, may I have a poke at that voodoo doll, thanks for your review! it made me laugh like crazy

**Moogle Girl: **haha, yeah Aera needs a good slapping (I presume you were talking about her not Neeka) lol, yay free Tidus Poster ... this makes my week drool of course I will read your stories! so get writing!

**Rikkuhasgil: **This was a very touching review for me and I thank you so much for taking the time to write it! it warmed my heart

**randomcat23: **Ugh, I am so sorry about the horrible updating wait, I am going to start making up for it now!

**MadMaz: **omg, I am relieved to hear from you, it wasn't your wonderful input I was afraid of losing (which would be a shame) , I thought you might of died or something. Thankfully it was only your computer and you are alive and well. As usual your reviews are pretty much the highlight of my week ... I mean you have been here with my since chapter one and 29000 words, thirteen chapters, and 96 reviews later you are still as faithful to the story as ever and that means a lot to me! I have actually already wrote the first chapter for a new story which I will begin posting as soon as I finish this. It will be called "Time Behind" I cant wait for you to read it! anyway I'm glad you liked chapter 11 and 12, I hope you like this one also. One of my regrets is not having more chapters lined up for you to read.


	14. Clarity

**Chapter 14: Clarity**

**a/n: Welcome to Chapter 14 ... "Clarity"**

* * *

The whole act was rather repetative and not how I would of liked to of spent my day. 

Reading, signing, marking whatever paperwork mum threw at me.

Not very professional of her but she said there was just too much of it to complete on her own.

So I read, signed and marked random bits of paper all morning and all afternoon.

I didn't know whether mum really needed help or just wanted to punish me.

I chose the later.

A feeling of injustice bubbled inside of me because I hadn't done anything wrong!

That I could recall anyway

"Thats it!" Mum shrieked making papers scatter of the table

"Uh I can go now?" I asked with caution

"NO, hand me the commsphere"

"Umm okay..." I replied before scuttling off to find it

"Hurry Neeka"

I wisely chose to ignore her before finding the commpshere in a basket of unwashed clothes.

I look at mum curiously

"I'm calling your father" she snapped

It begun to dawn on me then that mum really _was_ trying to get rid of me

A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind

Where would she send me?

D'Jose?

Cid?

Brother and Fshea?

Besaid Island?

Hot sickly guilt churned in my stomach as it mixed with a feeling of excitement.

As much as the desert was beginning to bore me I shouldn't actually want to get sent away even if mum wants me gone ... right?

"Neeka pass me the commspehere!"

I blinked and realised the commsphere was still sitting in my hand like a dead paperweight.

I passed it to mother robotically and she begun to wave me out of the room like a was a naughty puppy.

Of course the art eavesdropping had hugely incorporated itself into my life so I felt I had no other choice but to use it in this situation

Having morals right now was not an option so I watched the conversation through a crack in the closed kitchen door

"Gippal"

"Yes Rikku" Dad replied weakly

"Your coming over for dinner, it's at eight as usual, be there or don't" said mum in a hard voice

"What, why?" Dad spluttered, but one look at mums face crackling through the commsphere told him not to question her crazy actions.

"I'll be there at eight" he nodded

Mum didn't even bother with a goodbye, she hung up and quickly opened the kitchen door not giving me a chance to escape

"What?" asked mum with an eyebrow raised, she looked coldly amused as I stared at her with confusion.

"Ah n-nothing"

"Good, lets get back to this paperwork then shall we?"

* * *

Exactly three hours had passed and the clock was slowly drawing towards eight o'clock 

My tongue was so swollen and dry from licking envelopes I could barely speak.

I sat at the table in anticipation as mum rapped her fingernails on the rough surface

Then came the soft knocking at the door that took my breath away.

Was mum really going to kick me out and make me live with dad.

It sure seemed that way.

Mum quickly opened that door and ushered dad inside the house as he apologised for Khans absence.

"It's fine, I just needed to talk to you anyway" I heard her say

"Oh okay ... well he's doing well at the faction"

"I know, I talked to him last night"

"Thats nice ..." Dad replied, obviously still very confused as to why he was here.

"Dinner is ready"

"Oh okay ... at the table" he asked

"Same as ever"

As dad walked into the kitchen and observed it I heard him mutter "Same as ever indeed"

Dinner was so ... well weird was the only real way to describe it.

To have mum, dad and I all sitting at the same table for the first time in just under a year was amazing.

It was odd how Khan was the missing one now.

It seemed we would never really be complete again.

Dinner was also as awkward as it was weird

There was an uncomfortable heavy silence as dad ate slowly, throwing mum confused glances when he hoped she wasn't looking.

Catching her eye was not a good idea because in this situation eyecatching comes with conversation

Mum look somewhat calm and collected but she kept violently stabbing at her food.

If I were dad I would be fearing for my life.

Dad let out a fusterated sigh

"I am sorry Gippal are you disatisfied in anyway?" Mum asked with a poisonous sweetness in her voice

"YES!"

"As per usual"

"Will you just say whatever you want to say to me?"

"And what do you think that might be Gippal?"

"FINE, lets just get all of this out of the way, lets just talk and whinge and yell about EVERYTHING we NEVER did before. LETS JUST CLEAR EVERYTHING" Dad shouted with such energetic enthusiasm I rarely heard.

Mum stared blankly at him. "Is there something _wrong _with you" she spat

"what? no, I'm serious"

"Seriously serious"

"Yes seriously serious"

"FINE, I'm a little bit pissed you because you had a nice long affair with you _personal assistant_"

"Well maybe if you hadn't ignored me for all those years it wouldn't of happened!"

"Oh my god, IS THAT A REAL EXCUSE"

"Yes, I didn't say it was a good one!"

"You had an affair, HOW could you have an affair when you have two children?"

"Yes I am aware I had one ... and Khan and Neeka weren't meant to find out where they!"

"You expected me not to tell them"

"You could of been more subtle about it"

"I'm sorry Neeka, I should of said "you daddy has been fornicating with his personal secretary" ... is that better Gippal?"

"Ugh, fine I was wrong ... but you didn't need to stay back at work that often!"

"Are you accusing me of having an affair now?"

"No, I was merely pointing out your not "Spiran mother of the year" either"

"Khan and Neeka are fine" Mum snapped

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with them but you seem to think ALL of this is my fault"

"Well the majority of it is Gippal"

"See majority" Dad sniped

Mum pursed her lips and took a sip of water.

"Fine, maybe I could of been home more often, and maybe there was more I could of done ... BUT YOU STILL HAD AN AFFAIR"

"Aera and I didn't just happen out of no-where did it!"

"Of course Gippal, I always treated you so poorly" mum replied sarcastically

"Well you didn't have to critisise every single choice I made, I wasn't always wrong you know!"

Mum remained silent

"I practically begged you to agree to leave the desert, if you had just listened to me that one time" Dad continued, he was no longer yelling but speaking quietly.

Tears begun to well up in mums swirley green eyes "I needed to keep working" replied softly

"I was willing to give up my work, you knew that ... I wanted to leave the dessert and sort things out but you wouldn't even hear of leaving this place"

"Well i-ii just didn't k-know it was that bbb-ad" She begun to sob

"What I did doesn't have an excuse, but I did try" Dad shrugged staring at the table.

I myself felt like crying as I imagined what my life would of been like if mum had just listened to dad that one time and left Sanubia Desert ... but she hadn't.

We were still here and our family was broken.

"I should leave" suggested dad sadly

"It's late, you can sleep on the couch if you really want to"

Dad looked somewhat surprised but turned down her offer anyway

"No it's okay, but thanks anyway"

"Okay" Mum shrugged and led him to the door

As dad stepped outside he spoke rather awkwardly

"I bet your more angry then you've ever been with me ... your never going to speak to me again right?"

"Actually Gippal, i've never been as happy with you as I am now in seven years"

Dad stared unblinkingly at her, probably trying to filter such a statement

"Goodnight Gippal" she said with a natural smile

And then she shut the door

* * *

That night somewhere, somehow ... from dad of all people I found my own courage. 

Courage I didn't even know existed.

If dad could confront mum about well _that_ ... then I could confont her as well.

If she was going to clear things we him then she could clear them with me as well.

So I walked into her bedroom where she sat on her huge bed with her legs crossed, she was brushing her long blonde hair.

"Mother"

"Mother? since when have I been mother ... _daughter_"

"Fine ... are you trying to get rid of me _mum_"

"Don't be stupid Neeks, where did all this come from" she snapped

I was truly at a loss for words ... did she not even see how she had been treating me?

"It doesn't seem like you want me around"

"What?" Mum questioned, blinking slowly

"You don't like talk to me anymore!"

"I'm talking to you right now am I not?"

"I don't mean like that, l mean remember how I used to go on and on about Jame and you _used _to care but now you don't want to listen anymore"

Mums face softened considerably

"Hun, it's not that I wouldn't listen ... i've just had other things on my mind"

"That you wont share with me anymore!"

"Trust me these aren't things you wanted to hear"

"It doesnt matter, you should of told me anyway!" I shouted

"And risk upsetting you even more?'

"Well I was upset anyway mum and do you want me to leave or not, just tell me now, I can handle it"

"Neeka for spira's sake, your not going anywhere"

"Then why were you ignoring me!" I whined

Mum took a deep intake of breath and sighed "well after that interview with that ... _fruna_ was on I become very angry, and even though I finally got all my questions answered in digustingly explicit detail I was still more confused then ever ... and trust me Neeks, my thoughts were not something you should hear"

"Your meant to tell me everything"

"This was something I really needed to talk to your father about, not you" she shrugged

"So your not trying to get rid of me ... and I was just paranoid and took everything the wrong way?" I asked, trying to reconfirm that my mum didn't want me gone.

"Sit down" Mum beckoned, patting down a spot on her bed for me. I sat down gratefully and looked around the room thinking how long it had been since I had last been here.

"Now why in Spira did you think I wanted you gone ... I was just angry with myself, your father and the _fruna_ ... you must of realised that right?"

"No" I mumbled

Mum sighed sadly and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry" she whispered through my hair and I begun to cry softly.

We stayed like that for hours.

**

* * *

A/n:** Well I have been extemely busy because of end of term so I have had all these assignments sprung on me and my damn internet provider accused me of not paying the bill and cut of my precious net supply resulting in two weeks of tedious fighting over it. They connected it back finally (they must of realised $25 just wasn't worth me harrasing them) AND I AM BACK! YAY!.

This was a shorter chapter then usual by maybe about 500 words, I could of made it longer but I wanted to save it for the next chapter, I wanted this one to be about "Clarity". I promise following chapters will get a little more climatic since we are nearing the end of the story and I have a lot of "nice" little things planned for them. Please bear with me.

**Review Replies:**

**Randomcat23: **Thanks for complimenting the chapter, I am glad your enjoying the "feelings" chapters, I read some feedback saying they were kind of boring but they are necessary none the less. Lol, the twists and turns are really only just about to begin ... heheheh

**Jezzi: **Cid was a surprizing choice as a confindent but somehow it just fit in my mind, I am thankful you understood both sides, I couldn't really pick who I was angry at because they both had their points. Thanks for reviewing!

**FairyIce: **I can only try and imagine how awful it would all be. It would tear me to bits if I saw my ex doing what Jame was ... I really do want to give her a break but then the story would get boring, lol

**oOoDancingQueenoOo: **hey thanks for reviewing, lol, I knew there would be Jame anger

**Moogle Girl X2: **yay you got a username, i'll have a read at your stories very soon.

**FlyHigh4Life: **hehe, gotta love voodoo, hopefully everythings okay with your mum, thanks for reviewing

**Green-eyed-blond/ Emmy Miester: **hehe, condenced version is fine, i'm sorry you found the feeling chapters boring, I hope you found this chapter an improvement. Jame isn't exactly hooked up ... I just thought I'd throw Asha in to piss Neeka off

**MoMo-ChAn1: **eek, i've been looking all over for the spelling errors but I cant find them, where are they, god I am hopeless, lol, whats Katamari Damacy?

**PSPhreak: **yeah last chapter was a little slow because I am still sort of setting everyone up for the "climax" of the story and I am pretty inexperienced with writing so I have been having a bit of trouble, anyway thanks for the review, they are valued as always.

**madmaz: **I know I reached the big 105 ... whoooooohooooo, and now I am on the big "120" lol, I am so happy. Hehe Time Behind is going to be a bit of a tear jerker but I haven't seen a story like it around so I am eager to start posting soon. I'm glad you liked it, I was scared I bored a lot of people with me "feeling drabble" so it's a relief to hear you liked it.

**kingleby: **First I want to say thanks for reviewing each chapter for me, I loved reading your reactions chapter by chapter and when I saw 13 reviews in my inbox you absolutely made my week!. i hope you stick by and read future chapters.

**Krystall Trensk: **The situations are hard, torturous even but it is all making Neeka into a very strong person and she is beginning to and yeah Rikku is being completely ignorant of her daughters feelings. Neeka should most definitely say sorry, atleast she realises that she was wrong but it's a very hard thing to apologise sometimes.


	15. Please Listen

A/n: Finally chapter 15 

**Chapter 15: Please Listen**

I hate these nights the most

The nights where you just lie there staring unblinkingly at the clock and the ticks begin to fade as thoughts constantly shoot through your mind.

Your bodies crying for sleep but neither mind, nor your eyes will shut.

Tonight was one of those nights

I suppose it was because of Jame, actually he had just contaminated my every thought, my entire mind.

Eventually I drifted into my uneasy light sleep with the vivid image of his dancing swirled green eyes in my mind. It fades as my thoughts do but then they always return for my dreams. I loved and despised it.

Now that I knew he was moving on it really hit me just how much I missed him.

He seemed so out of reach.

I woke and sunshine spilled through my bedroom window illuminating my room in a golden haze but I was in no mood to admire it or appreciate the simple beauty of it.

I was already depressed and the day had barely started

As I pondered why everything seemed so bland and cold lately it became increasingly clear I had to talk to Jame again, he was my greatest comfort and comfort was what I needed most right now.

All my life I had appreciated the beauty of everything, the shine and sparkle of running water, the texture and warmth of the desert sand, the creamy glow of the moon and even the pointy thorns on the cacti but lately I noticed nothing. I just sat in front of the SphereVision in a depressed sulk.

Mum told me to stop being so melodramatic and that there are "_other grains of sand in the desert_" but right now those words offered no comfort because there was only one grain of sand I wanted right now and that was Jame.

I walked into kitchen, where mum was talking rapidly on the CommSphere. Her face was contorted and angry as she rapped her fingers on the circular table.

"No that is no true!" She hissed, her eyes morphing into little green slits. "Well you're the stupid one who messed it up in the first place … NO … I gave you those co-ordinates and you had clear orders to look after them"

Mum looked so annoyed I wouldn't be surprised if she hurled the CommSphere out the open window.

"If those Bandai's have gotten their hands on those files I'll have you arrested … goodbye Mishaai"

Without another word she slammed down the CommSphere and looked up at me and blinked.

"Good morning Neeka"

"Morning mum … did you just threaten to have Mishaai arrested?" I asked her with amazement while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"I suspect he has been passing information about some work related …_ things_ to that underground Yevon obsessed terror group.

"The Bandai's" I questioned slowly "but we haven't heard any news about them for over a year"

Mum shrugged "they've been somewhat dormant but there have been rumors circulating they have been trying to get there hands on some of this ancient Machina out in Bikanel … god knows why, it's useless stuff anyway"

"Okay … so what's happening with you and the aspiring Bandai?" I asked quickly watching my mothers face carefully.

"Well Mishaai has been given the flick … he was always kind of a waste of time … good for a bit of confidence though" She shrugged, although her eyes flickered with a hint of sadness.

"Sorry" I told her not really sorry at all. I didn't really care if Mishaai was arrested for aiding terrorists or not. I was just happy to have the useless idiot out of my life.

"Did you need something?" Mum asked

"CommSphere" I told her bluntly with the numb intention of calling Jame. What I was planning on saying I really had no idea, to be honest I didn't really care just as long as he spoke to me.

"Sorry hun, I need to call Baralai and a few other officials … they'll be interested in this" She added with a note of satisfaction in her voice.

"How long will you be?" I whined.

"As long as it takes Neeka" she replied sternly and begun connecting a call to the prestigious city Bevelle.

"Still trying to save the world twenty years later" I joked with a small laugh, trying to kill the disappointment of having to wait god knows long to get to the CommSphere.

Mum rolled her eyes "I'd hardly call this heroism" she replied, her mouth curving into a slight smile.

"Close enough" I shot back sticking out my tongue

"Go outside and enjoy the sunshine while I make these calls Neeks"

Slightly cheered up by the best conversation I'd had with mum in months I walked out the fly wire door and sat myself down on the warm sand. I could hear mums voice drifting out the window and I listened with bored interest.

"Rammu Karfka … I was told Gippal left a message for me" Mum asked the D'Jose receptionist

"Good morning Mrs. I mean Ms. Rikku … let me check … ah yes he did leave one" Karfka stuttered nervously

After a moments pause I heard by mum speak again " … well can I have the message?" She pressed with minimal patience.

"He has scheduled a private meeting regarding the shipment of screwdrivers to the D'Jose Headquarters tomorrow eight o'clock PM" Karfka responded quickly

"Thank you Karfka, could you also please connect me to Gippal's office … please?" she asked

"Sure Mrs. … Ms. Rikku" he spluttered.

A few moments later I heard dad greet mum happily "did Karfka tell you about the meeting tomorrow?" he questioned.

"Yeah … why are we having a meeting about screwdrivers … it's seems kind of trivial" questioned mum skeptically.

"No no, it's a very important issue, there has been a severe shortage lately" Dad replied unconvincingly

"Ah okay then … well I'll see you at eight tomorrow then"

"Abso-posi-you better believe it" he replied with enthusiasm

"Bye Gippal" she told him with a hint of laughter

When she disconnected the call I distinctly heard her mutter "what an odd man"

Several hours later mum had made all her Sphere calls as I sat patiently outside drawing my name in the sand.

"Neeka" Mum called from inside the house.

"Yeah?"

"CommSphere is yours hun" she told me passing the blue orb through the door.

"Thanks mum"

I had waited for this for hours yet now that the time had come my hands shook and my fingers tingled nervously.

I would rather not have Jame seeing my face when I called him so I turned of the "Screen" feature.

I knew I was beginning to lose my nerve so I had to do it now while I still had an inkling of courage left in me. So I connected the call to the dusty blue … how I remembered it so vividly.

It has been so long so I'd been there. It took a few moments but the inevitable happened and Jame answered the call.

"Hello?" Jame asked casually to the imageless screen.

The words were simple yet they hit me straight in the heart … it had been months.

All my fears and insecurities inconveniently caught up with me and rendered me unable to speak.

"Hello!" He questioned again

Jame was clearly getting annoyed now. I could tell by his heavy sigh and I knew I needed to say something now or lose the chance.

"Please just listen" I blurted out.

It was too late because the CommSphere glowed a menacing blood red … Jame had already hung up.

Numb with disappointment I dropped the blue orb into my lap and stared at the sand.

_Why had I left it for so long?_

"Because you're an idiot" the voice inside my head replied bitterly

_Why couldn't I of spoken sooner?_

"Because you're a coward"

_Would it of made a difference?_

"Probably not, I wouldn't want to talk to me if I were him" I whispered to myself

Then the tears came … fat salty wet tears that dribbled down my face and into my lap.

Sometimes I hated me

Mum and I sat eating dinner that night. It all seemed so quiet and _wrong _that Khan and dad were no longer here eating with us but I accepted that it was all very real. They lived at D'Jose now, not Sanubia.

I had no real appetite and mum was watched me carefully trying to stuff spicy bread down my throat.

"Not hungry" I mumbled sadly. The unfortunate Jame Sphere call was still heavy in my mind.

"Eat Neeka … we're seeing your father tomorrow and if you look too thin he'll try and snatch you away from me" Mum joked.

_I wish I could be snatched away from this place _I thought guiltily

"May I be excused?" I asked abruptly

Mum nodded her head in agreement to signify she didn't mind

"Oh by the way, we are going to D'Jose tomorrow to see your dad because I have a meeting with him about … screwdrivers" She informed me with a peculiar look on her face.

So he was dad instead of father again 

I decide to conveniently leave out the information I had been eavesdropping on her calls and knew about it anyway.

I walked into the lounge room and switched on the SphereVision. The news was on and urgent feeds were coming through because Guadosalam and been attacked by rebel forces that were rumored to be from the Calm Lands. I felt uneasy about this because lately there had been a lot of disturbances happening around Spira and there was even whispers of war as the tension increased.

I didn't need to hear this right now, I had so many more problems of my own. I switched the channel and the latest episode of "The happiest family in Spira" was playing to my disgust. I flicked it over to channel SphereBloid and watched a story about how Cid had apparently been romancing Bevellian women … it was all lies of course. Cid had always complained Bevellian women were uptight and boring.

The CommSphere begun flashing and I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the SphereVision screen where a disgruntled looking picture of my grandfather was splashed across it. I answered the call and the happy face of my father appeared on screen.

"Hello Princess … I see Cid has been romancing old yevonite women at his stay Bevelle" Dad told me with amusement.

"It can be true" I heard my mum yell from the kitchen with mock desperation. Apparently I wasn't the only one who still eavesdropped. I smiled as I recognized this as the first time they had joked in well … I couldn't even remember.

Dad laughed "Anyway I have to talk to you about something very important"

My ears perked up with curiosity "what is it?" I asked

"It's about your brother"

"oh" I said grumpily

"I wish you would talk to him, he's quite torn up over it"

"He'll live" I replied swiftly

"Please" dad wheedled

"no, no, no, no NO, I don't want to speak to him right now" I snapped.

Dad rolled his eyes "this is so tedious, just get over it Neeks"

I huffed angrily "I have to go"

Dad smiled unfazed "Until tomorrow, goodbye sweetie" and he nodded his head like a gentleman and disconnected the call.

The next day was rather eventful. I lay like a sloth in front of the SphereVision eating ice-cream and watching some adolescent drama about a group of teenagers in Luca. It begun to dawn on me that I was becoming incredibly lazy. I felt heavier around the stomach and I rarely got outside anymore but the truth was I really had nothing to do in Sanubia, I mean I could go for a walk but the only walkable tracks would lead me straight pass Jame's. That was not an option.

My stomach tingled with excitement as I thought about seeing dad today, it had been quite awhile since I had last seen him. Our relationship was hard to explain, I was confused as to whether I had forgiven him for what he had done to our family. Now it was more a disappointment then anger … yet I loved him too much to show any of it. He was at least trying to redeem himself and I decided that was enough for me.

Right now I was currently in the hover with my mum as she drove like a maniac to get to D'Jose on time. Her diamond earrings twinkled in the nightlight as she honked with frustration at a slow Hypello.

"Bloody Hypellos" She muttered

"We aren't going to be late mum" I assured her.

Being late was the last thing on my mind, personally I was more worried about the possibility of Khan lurking around.

A hour later we pulled up at the front of D'Jose. Mum looked at the building nervously and gave a few friendly waves to some employees she knew. Most looked surprised to see her.

"This is so awkward" She groaned

I gave mum a sympathetic pat on the back as we entered the large Temple, her eyes scanned the area carefully before spotting Karfka who was wondering around absentmindedly with a clipboard.

"Rammu Karfka" Mum greeted him, tapping him on the back.

He spun around and looked quite frightened "He … hello Mrs. Rikku – lady – lady Rikku" he greeted before giving her a low shaky bow.

"Which room is the meeting in?" She asked him

"Room C1" he answered, looking at his clipboard.

"Thank you Karfka, have yourself a nice evening" and with a swift smile she led me to a descending staircase.

"Your father added an underground to D'Jose temple when the Yevonites finally gave him full permission to do whatever he wanted with the place" she told me

"The Yevonites let him do that?" I asked with amazement

"Well Baralai made them … and after all that Vegnagun business they were in your fathers debt"

"What happened with Vegnagun?"

"I'll tell you some other time … ah here we are" she said quickly and came to a halt in front of a door which c1 was written in old Al Bhed tongue"

"I always get satisfaction in seeing Al Bhed culture in these Temples" She smirked and opened the door. I went to follow her but she told me to wait outside.

Feeling a bit put out I sat slumped against the door trying to listen to the meeting. Unfortunately it was all soundproofed so that just wasn't happening.

I sat out their for maybe an hour before I started to get a bit antsy … how long could they possibly be talking about screwdrivers for, I know they were both Machina freaks but still …

I was picking at my nails when it happened. My brother in his dirty grease stained overalls with a tool belt swinging from his waist came walking down my way. He unfortunately had several friends with him who were chatting enthusiastically.

Khans eyes widened as he noticed me sitting in front of the door. I glared at him while his friends looked me up and down. When Khan realized I wasn't going to say anything to him he looked down at the ground and continued walking. He was hurt … I could tell, but right now I didn't really care.

About twenty minutes later mum finally emerged from the meeting room blushing. I looked at her trying to get an explanation but I didn't get one because dad came up behind me and gave me a huge hug.

"Wow look how long your hairs getting … and these braids of yours look rather familiar" He added with a smile, flipping my braids playfully.

I stayed and chatted to him about random things for ten minutes while mum went to get a glass of water. When she came back she was still blushing and announced it was time to go.

Dad hugged and kissed me goodbye, and then awkwardly shook hands with an equally uncomfortable mum.

That night I left D'Jose in high spirits and as I sat in the hover cruising along the Moonflow with mum who was wearing a most secretive smile on my face. I decided there was hope for my parents and if there was hope for them there was most definitely hope for Jame and I.

**AN**: well there we go, another chapter. For the last few chapters I've noticed my heart has really been in them as much as it was this chapter due to some personal things happening in my life. Anyway I hope you have found this chapter to be an improvement to my previous ones. I hope the Rikku/Gippal goodness wasn't too much but I have to start evolving the plot more instead of keeping it just where it is …personally I am lovin' it

**Review Replies:**

**Kingleby:** thanks for reviewing! The dinner scene was my favorite scene. I thought it was nice and random of me, especially since I have been feeling horribly unoriginal lately.

**Krystall Trensk:** I wrote a nice long reply to you review before only to realize I had just given away the entire plot to my story within it so unfortunately I cant answer too much on your last comment, but thanks very much for the review … ahh heck, this isn't the last you'll hear of Jame and Neeka! (grrr couldn't help it)

**Madmaz:** That's a very good idea you have there, and to be honest it didn't even occur to me before to write about Gippals state of mind, lol, you give me too much credit for this story but I love it anyway! Thanks for another lovely review, I always find myself checking my Inbox with anticipation.

**randomcat23:** You most certainly do see forgiveness between Rikku and Gippal, which I probably emphasized too much during this chapter, I was just trying to kill the hostility that had been dragging for fifteen chapters. I was finding it tedious, hehe

**FlyHigh4Life:** It feels most great to be back. Unfortunately I am too dependant on the net, a week without it and I was having withdrawals, lol.

**Moogle Girl X2:** lol, "Huggo" is a crack up, I just checked it out on the translator then and you just gave me a little idea for my story, lol, thanks for the review! It made me laugh.

**FairyIce:** Things are starting to look up … regarding her parents anyway. I loved the dinner scene. Head on confrontation was the best way to handle things in my opinion.

**MoMo-ChAn1:** I have updated to using Microsoft Word instead of Notepad, how modern am I? (joke) anyway I now have spell check so that should be the end of spelling errors … cant say the same for grammar though.


	16. The Way we Were

**Chapter Sixteen: The way we were**

_(a/n: A chapter dedicated to Neeka and her brother Khan)_

_

* * *

**Quote **_

_"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright, and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty when they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend"_

_- Red from The Shawskank Redemption._

* * *

Are there ever times in your life where you try to remember certain memories of your past but it all remains very vague to you like smoke and mirrors, shadow and mist? 

It's the memories you can almost grasp but never quite.

It's the missing frame of the movie, the missing page of the book, or the broken key to the lock.

Memories of the time dad lived with us has become very disconnected from my life. It hasn't been necessary to remember them anymore.

These thoughts all started earlier today

As I have no boyfriend and no brother to harass, I had really had nothing to do anymore except sit in front of the SphereVision.

It had one of those sappy shows on where they find someone who's had an interesting life and get them to tell the audience their tragic woes for ratings, pull out a few photos and dig up some people from the past in a wonderful teary reunion.

I believe it was called "This is your Spiran Life"

That got me thinking about my life, if I were on that show what would I have to say about my life?

That I messed it up?

That my parents are almost divorced/separated/probably sleeping with each other?

That I have 9 scars on my body from machina accidents?

I am not saying my life has been meaningless, but all these people have _traveled, _have seen things that I couldn't even imagine or comprehend.

They have _lived _

I haven't done anything miraculous with my life, like saving the world or inventing the CommSphere, but I still wanted to remember what I had done with it, so I walked outside to the old shed full of rusty old machinery, broken engines and tattered blueprints and opened the dusty old chest full of photographs from a life we used to know.

There were pictures of me with little blonde ringlets, hanging of Khans arms as I smiled shyly at the camera.

Others showed Khan with his face black with soot, screwdriver swinging of his tool belt and proudly showing off his latest work.

Another showed dad smirking with satisfaction as the re-construction of the Yevonite Temple begun.

A few were wedding photos. Mum looking as gorgeous as I had ever seen her, glowing with pride and happiness, and there was dad, handsome in his suit while looking a little out of place in it.

My favorites though were the casual ones like me sitting on dads lap eating ice-cream or Khan and dad going into their Blitzball trances when the Al Bhed would play.

I laughed as I remembered no-one could ever get a word in to them while they were watching the Blitzball.

I must have spent all day looking at them, glorifying my old memories, laughing, crying and most of all remembering.

We weren't the perfect family, but is there_ really_ a perfect family?

We all loved each other, even when we made the most devastating of decisions and suffered the most heartbreaking of consequences.

I loved these photos almost as much as I loved my family.

I yearned for my family, to be together as we once were, a team instead of four broken people waging a silent war against each other.

These photos helped me remember, and I thought maybe they would help mum remember also so I did the seemingly innocent thing and placed them all over the house and waited for her to come home from work and watched SphereVision.

When mum came home from work that night she glanced at the wedding photos of her and dad plastered on the fridge door.

She held the photo in her hands but she had her back turned so there was no way that I could read the expression on her face.

"Neeks you are pathetically unsubtle" Mum told me as she turned around, placing the photo on them table.

She didn't seem angry, just a little tired

"I think we need more pictures around the house … to brighten it up?" I suggested

"At least get frames for them, I don't want the desert sun fading the color away, and that's why I kept them in the box"

I may be the worst example of a "princess". I am stubborn and clumsy. I have an incurable skill of making really impulsive bad decisions at the worst possible times, I eat too much ice-cream and have more bad karma heading my way then I can handle but you cant really call me stupid.

I knew that wasn't really the reason.

I mean the sun is pretty strong but who hides their family photos over it?

I know my mother, and she is no where near the cautious about anything. I suppose having family photos plastered over the walls would be hard, not just for mum but for me _and _Khan.

Even as I looked at those photos I wondered if dad was thinking about Aera as he twirled mum around or if he was going to see Aera as he was pushing me off his lap or if he wanted to see Aera as he helped Khan with his machina.

Mum didn't want to wonder and either did I.

Sometimes your own mind is the hardest thing to live with.

Dad's affair is over, but I still think about it a lot really, even though the whole thing just seems so tedious and stretched now

If I had the answers to the questions I'd just look for more questions and more answers to those questions.

It's a cycle I need to stop, and that means moving on and concentrating on something else, whatever it may be.

My cousin Leia once CommSphered me and asked if I wanted my parents to get back together, of course the obvious answer would be a strong dedicated yes, of course without doubt and that's exactly what I told her

I want to tell you a secret now

I do want my parents to get back together, I really do but the truth is sometimes, in the early light of morning I don't believe I could ever get used to having dad live back here again.

What I am looking for is to go back to the way we were, but I know that isn't possible.

If I can't have that then I don't think I want anything else.

That's the truth, but it's something I'll never admit, to realize that would be to give up my hope that everything can be fine again.

I am starting to see that life doesn't work that way.

* * *

Khan was on the news that night. 

The Al Bhed golden boy, as I have affectionately called him because that's exactly what he has become.

Khan was doing amazingly well at the faction, a kind of prodigy if you will. I had never doubted that would become of him. Machina and Khan go hand it hand, it's just the way it's always been.

Khan programmed some sort of artificial intelligence chip that's meant to lock the Machina down if it begins to malfunction dangerously.

I suppose he made it because a rogue machina claw impaled our grandmother right though her heart a few years after mum was born.

I couldn't help but smile as he nervously explained the intricate details of his new creation to the Lucan reporters; of course they were more interested in his love life then his safety chip.

The mortified look on his face when they asked him if his fiancé was pregnant was enough to burst out laughing.

Khan mumbled he didn't even have a girlfriend and went back to pointing at his blueprints.

In that strange second, I wasn't angry anymore.

I tried to think of a reason to be angry at him, I really did, I tried to tell myself that he abandoned me and that he didn't care but I didn't feel the anger, only the bubbling laughter inside of me as I tried to imagine Khan with a child.

This was just one of those things that I had gradually gotten over.

Sanubia Desert is my home, and D'Jose Temple is Khans.

It comes down to that.

I did want to call him but it just seemed so awkward.

It's like that time Khan was harassing me to give back his screwdriver for ages and I just ignored him because I couldn't be bothered looking for it, eventually Khan forgot about it and I found the screwdriver stuffed in my wardrobe but I still never gave it back to him because too much time had passed and it felt too awkward.

I hoped he'd call me, but I had no idea if he would or not.

Then I blinked slowly and realized that Khan was my _brother_, he had been there for me my entire life, with or without my support.

Khan was my brother and I could sphere in on him anytime I wanted to, and that was exactly what I was going to do.

So I picked up the CommSphere and dialed D'Jose temple.

The screen showed a sleepy looking Karka squinting at the screen in annoyance

"You have Sphered D'Jose Temple, how may I be of service?" Karfka asked with a bored tone suggesting he desperately wanted to get back to sleeping on the job.

"Can you please connect me to Khan" I asked him

"No, NO reporters, none, goodnight" Karka replied swiftly

"I'm his sister!" I argued

Karfka's eyes widened with humiliating realization and stuttered "Oh of course, of course Lady … Lady Noobie … I hadn't recognized you … much older … young lady you have become"

"It's Neeka" I hissed

"Of course, I apologize … long night it's been … connecting you to Khan now"

I rolled my eyes, still wallowing in annoyance of being called Lady Noobie but relishing the fact "I looked older".

I could hear the dialing of the CommSphere in my ears, and I started to feel a nervous tingle start inside of me.

I had never thought of what the word brother actually meant until this day, but I hoped it meant forgiveness.

Khan answered the commSphere and I felt my stomach lurch.

"Hi, saw you on the news" I told him shyly

"Neeka?" He questioned with a kind of happy desperation in his voice.

"It's me" I smiled, and for good this time I added to my own thoughts.

I don't remember for how long we talked that night, maybe just over 6 hours but either way it went into the early hours of the morning.

He told me he liked a girl named Vanji who didn't notice his existence but managed to speak more to Jame in a day then she had ever spoke to Khan in all the time he had been at D'Jose.

"Jame was at D'Jose?" I had questioned quickly, my ears perking up out of interest rather then sympathy.

"Yeah he visits every now and then" Khan told me quickly

Noticing my crestfallen face he told me in a cuttingly honest voice "Get over him Neeks, he's almost 18 and he'll be leaving home soon"

Khan, probably feeling as though he had been a bit too honest told me to cheer up, and that we weren't running out of boys in Spira, there would be more after Jame.

We finished the conversation on a light note, laughing about Mishaai's arrest and how he had just been arrested and indicted back to Bevelle.

Talking to him again was like hearing music again for the first time in years. It's a kind of beauty you can't explain. I had my brother back again and it was the most beautiful thing in the world.


	17. Sweet Sixteen

**Chapter 17:  Sweet Sixteen**

**

* * *

**  
"I was sick"

That was the first thought I had when I woke up to my sixteenth birthday, wiping the sweat from my clammy forehead I groaned and vomited on the side of the bed.

It was "Desert Fever" the mother of all fevers, I knew this because it isn't your average fever, it has a certain touch of severity you can't quite put your finger on. When you have desert fever, you know you have it.

Desert Fever was your usual headaches, blocked noses, cramping, vomiting, sore throat, fatigue and weakness and it was made a lot worse by the devastating sickly heat that you couldn't excape from

I was in for a terrible few days

I pulled the blankets of me because I was sweltering and laid my aching head on my pillow, trying to ignore the vile taste concocting in my throat.

I heard thumping footsteps down the hall, stopping at my door.

"Neeka!" My mum called banging on the door excitedly, "are you up?" she questioned, tapping the door impatiently and I could see the shadows of her feet under the door doing a little jig.

"Come in" I croaked

Mum bolted into my room shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAY' in a loud sing song voice and before coming to a stop beside my bed, towering over me and sniffing the air.

"eww Neeka, what have you been keeping in here?" she questioned

I think she was referring to that time when I was little and I refused to believe my hamster was dead so I continued to keep him in my room for about a month until mum realized what was going on and buried him, I remember she preformed a proper Al Bhed service for the little thing.

I always loved her more for that.

"Nothing dead!" I croaked defensively as she gave a suspicious scan of my room

I turned my face around from my pillow and let mum take a look at me.

"Oh Neeka you look really _awful_" Mum gasped, she then took a seat next to my bed, while subtlety trying to cover her mouth so she wouldn't breath in any of my diseased air.

"Look at your face, your as pale as a corpse' She sighed sadly

"Is there still going to be a party today" I whimpered hoping that I could just stay in bed all day, eating icecream as an excuse to soothe my aching throat.

'Of course, of course" Mum enforced brightly, hoping that was what I wanted to hear

My head felt as though it was being repeat ably bludgeoned by hammers

In response I whimpered like a wounded dog in self pity.

"Oh Neeky-poo, it wont be that bad, your cousin Leia will be here, you haven't seen her for a long time, and there's Vidina and Asha who'll keep you company and there's going to be a really really big cake" she offered.

The thought of spending a whole day bedridden with Asha picking at my appearance made me cringe however cake compensated it a little.

I smiled weakly at mum and thanked her.

* * *

The morning passed very slowly 

To distract myself from my blocked sinuses I migrated to the couch to watch SphereVision, it was tough crawling all the way from my bed to the couch, but I did it although mum told me to stop being dramatic and walk.

There was nothing much on the news, just a bunch of nervous looking Bevellion politicians plastered on the screen, nervously reading speeches about the Anti-Yevon Bandai terrorist movement, the left corner of the screen showed a site of a recent attack in a small town outside Guadosalam. There were many small fires that continued to blaze and a collection of rubble littered the site.

I felt guilt as I watched the devastation and my first instinct told me to help somehow but in the back of my mind I knew there was nothing that I could do.

I was a sixteen year old girl with desert fever living in the desolate Sanubia plains.

I heard a distinct banging on the fly wire door that could belong to no other human being but Khan.

"Let me in" he shouted happily

"Who is it?" Mum called back jokingly

"It's your son!"

"Oh yes, the son who forgets to visit me" she laughed, opening the locked door with a glowing smile

"Sorry, the Faction has just kept me busy" Khan mumbled sheepishly

"Yes well you can make it up to me today by helping me decorate the house, I need these balloons and streamers put up" mum ordered

"Oh and go see your sister, she's ill" she added

Khan walked into the living room where I was curled up on the couch in my dressing gown.

"Aww you got desert fever" said Khan as he knelt beside me.

It was funny seeing him again after so long, his new atmosphere seemed to of changed him. His eyes seemed a little greener, his smile a bit wider and his laugh a little louder.

"I'm in agony and need cheering up" I whined

"Is this your subtle way of asking me for presents Sissy?" Khan asked, cocking up his eyebrow with a look of amusement on his face.

"No … but now that you mention them"

"Now usually every year I rely on mum and dad to buy a present in my name and give it to you but this year I actually made the effort to get my dear little sissy a present myself"

"Is it Jame bearing well wishes?" I guessed with excitement and erupted into a coughing fit.

"Afraid not, but if I could buy him for you I would … it's actually something I think you'll like even better"

"Really?"

"I can't give it to you now … later when mums not lurking around but for now take this" Khan whispered and unzipped his backpack.

He handed me a Sphere called "Greatest wins of the Al Bhed Psyches"

"That's really … really … thanks Khan" I said with a hug

"When everyone's busy at the party I'll let you open your _real _present" Khan told me mysteriously.

Mum walked into the living room smiling with an apron on which was quite an unusual sight because she absolutely despised cooking unless it was sweets.

"What did you get Neeks?" she asked

I held the sphere up so she could see "Greatest wins of the Al Bhed Psyches".

"Didn't you get her that last year?" Mum asked Khan with a confused look

"No, that was greatest _saves _of the Al Bhed Psyches, there is a distinct difference mum" He told her rolling his eyes.

"Start blowing up balloons kiddo, Neeks is too weak to help me" she ordered

"I'll be back soon, watch the sphere, it'll keep you entertained"

Listening to my mum and Khan talk for several hours while decorating the house was strangely relaxing. I mean they are both very painfully loud and mum was practically screaming as they had a play fight in the hall which wasn't doing good thing for my headache. Yet there was something comforting about it all. I had grown so used to it just being mum and I but something about Khan being back with a huge grin on his face and mum actually being consistently happy instead of her rollercoaster ride of emotions made me feel at home … almost.

There were three quiet knocks at the door, I was surprised mum heard it; she came running to the fly wire door and unlocked it.

I already knew it was my dad, I can just kind of sense these things, the whole energy in the house seemed to change, mum and he were talking in low voices in the kitchen, I couldn't hear what they were saying but I heard her give a soft laugh and then she led him to the living room.

"My princess is bedridden on her birthday" Dad said sadly and begun stroking my hair.

"This is the worst desert fever I've ever had" I sulked

"It hits you harder as you get older … Rikku do you need help with the decorations?"

"Well Khan helped me mostly but I think there's one you can still help me with" She said smiling

"Lead the way, there way never a decoration I couldn't tackle" he boasted as mum lead him down to the far reaches of the house.

"What's going on with them?" Khan asked wrinkling his nose

"I am too sick to care right now, we'll gossip later"

* * *

Not a few hours later the party was complete, there were people everywhere which felt so odd since I was just used to it being mum and I. There were friends, relatives, colleagues of mum and dad, Khan had invited a few friends to try and distract me from Jame. 

I'm sure I was making a dashing impression as I weakly mingled around the crowd in my dressing gown.

There was a nice guy there though named Saarit who was one of Khans main buddies, he had one of those rugged rough faces that makes the girls swoon and he had an infectious smile with the whitest teeth I had ever seen, he was nineteen and a very accomplished pilot that flew the diggers out to mine Bikanel.

"You're a strong girl for being able to handle desert fever and walk at the same time, I couldn't even move the last time I got it" Saarit laughed.

"Yeah well can't miss my own birthday party" I told him with a smile

Later on through the night after a few conversations he made a particularly flirtatious comment to me.

"As cute as the girls find Khan, as pretty as I find you" and then he left me to melt in a puddle of my own happiness.

It was nice to know there was actually one more guy in Spira, who found me attractive, mums words from a few months ago came back to me. "There are plenty more grains of sand in the desert"

Yet still, stupidly in the back of my mind sat the memory of Jame.

I was starting to feel slightly queasy so I decided to go into my room and lay on my bed for awhile; it was going quite peacefully for about twenty minutes when Asha barged through the door.

"Oh loves, thank you for inviting me, I am having the greatest time staring at your brother" she told me bluntly, she had clearly inherited Leblanc's obsession for romance.

"That's … that's nice Asha"

"Oh thank yevon you finally grew your hair … what did I always say about you and short hair Neeky?"

"It gives me pig face" I answered dully

Asha nodded in approval and begun inspecting my wardrobe, giving groans of disgusts at all the garments she disapproved of.

"When is Yunie, Leia and Tidus getting here?" I questioned her desperately

"They are hitching a ride on an airship with your odd uncle and his freakishly calm girlfriend" She informed.

I wasn't in the mood for more criticism so I left Asha to sift through my possessions while I rejoined the party. I didn't do much, chatted to dad for a bit, ate a fine selection of cakes, brushed past Saarit, and went to eat some more cake until Khan herded me away from the crowd.

"C'mon I want to give you your present now" he told me excitedly and led me down to the back of house where dads old workshop was, no-one really went in there anymore, every time I did I felt like I was trespassing on sacred Ronso ground.

He switched on the lights and handed me a poorly wrapped package.

"I couldn't find a person to wrap it properly so I had to do it myself" Khan told me sheepishly.

I laughed at how he could be one of the most competent machina technicians in Spira yet he still struggled to wrap a present.

"Be careful" he said nervously as I tore away the wrapping paper. I was puzzled to what it revealed.

It was a small earthly green leather box with strange ancient Al Bhed tongue written in it, it was the old language, the one only few elders still spoke.

It was the most beautiful box I had ever seen.

"Open it by pushing in the buttons on the side at the same time" he instructed me.

"What's inside of it?" I asked him excitedly

"See for yourself"

I pushed both buttons and the box clicked open revealing a large dusty folded piece of parchment. I gently unfolded it and gasped in amazement as I realized what it was.

"It was a map of Spira, an entire one, from every road, dirt track, major hill and town"

"It's amazing" I gasped

"Look, sometime you have to get out of this place on your own and because your clumsy with no sense of direction I thought you could use a map … that why I didn't want to show it to your around mum, she would probably confiscate it until your "of age"

I didn't know quite what to say so I hugged him, long and tight.

"The world is such a beautiful place Neeka, I hate how you haven't seen any of it" he shrugged

"How did you get this?"

"Well I was in Bevelle at this conference about the microchip I invented and one of the Bevellion officials took me for a little tour of the city which was fun and in one of the rooms was this box and I recognized our language on it immediately and asked what it was, the official told me it was a map they had taken from the Al Bhed many years ago during one of the old wars. Naturally I didn't think it belonged in Bevelle so I asked Baralai if I could take it back as a rightful heir to the Al Bhed throne and he gave it to me … and then I gave it to you"

"I love it, I'm going to cherish it for the rest of my life" I spluttered

"That's nice, I just expect you to use it one of these days sissy, not just stare at it and wonder what it would be like. I want you to do it" he said seriously, his intense eyes looking into mine.

All I could do was nod.

* * *

We joined the party again where not even desert fever could break how happy I was feeling. 

Mum quickly lead me over to a enormous white cake embossed with "Happy 16th Neeka" in icing with sixteen unlit candles protruding from it.

"We are about to light it" informed mum with a giggle

"Everybody crowd around the giant cake" Dad yelled over the crowd

Mum dimmed the lights and dad begun lighting the sixteen candles with a distinct look of great pride in his face. As if on cue everybody started to sing the traditional "Pleasant day of birth" song. Some sang in Al Bhed, others in Spiran, Khan did his own version about me being an ugly fiend.

It was nice, though I was starting to feel increasingly sick from the previous cupcakes and desert fever.

"Cut the cake princess" Dad instructed me, dark swirled blue-green eyes gleaming as I blew the sixteen candles out.

I cut the cake in uneven quarters for everyone, or as mum said "interesting shapes"

I was about to start handing the slices out when the most dreadful thing in the world happened.

I tried to hold it back, I really did but I couldn't beat the unstoppable vile that was building up in my throat.

I couldn't stop it and I vomited all over my birthday cake … Saarit at least spared me some dignity by jumping in immediately to hold my hair back.

There was silence until Asha "eww'd!" quite loudly, which made everyone awkwardly go back to their previous conversations.

"I am permanently traumatized" I told Saarit with wide open eyes

"You certainty wont ever forget your 16th birthday" he laughed.

"Are you okay princess" dad asked as mum begun disposing of the cake.

"She needs to sleep in the warm gentle kiss of the sun Mr. Gippal" Fshea told him with her low earthly voice.

Brother nodded energetically in agreement, "Fshea is right, sleep the child needs!"

"Princess you should go to bed, you're really not well at all" Dad grimaced as he led me to my bedroom; he even tucked me in and turned out the lights.

The party must have ended fairly quickly after that.

Strangely enough I wasn't thinking about the embarrassing trauma I had just suffered that would probably affect me for the rest of my life … I was thinking about Khans map.

That map was exactly the on thing I had yearned for

It was freedom … but would I would I work up the courage to put the map to use?

* * *

A/N: One of my longest chapters, it seems shorter then usual because apparently I am not allowed to reply to my reviews at the end of it, could someone please tell me why this is and a way I can reply to them. It would be very greatly appreciated. So what did everyone think of this chapter? I wanted to give it a more light hearted feel then the rest of chapters and make it slightly humorous, if not mortifying which I hope I suceeded at. I introduced one new character named Saarit who will have significance in my next story. Does he sound like a better suitor to Neeka then Jame? I wonder. I like him but there is just something about Jame, and incase you are wondering it will be certaintly not be the end of both of them 


	18. Oh Mother

**Chapter 18: Oh Mother**

**"Oh mother we're stronger for all of the tears you have shed" **

** _Oh Mother – Christina Aguilera_**

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* * *

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I've noticed that as a child the word "forever" came so easily and rolled of the tongue as a statement rather then a vain promise, and I have also noticed that as a child we never do comprehend that forever does not exist.

Once upon a time I never did comprehend my parents would divorce, my brother would leave home, Jame and I would not be on speaking terms and that I eventually would leave home myself.

If someone how told me a year from now this would happen I would smile politely and them to bury their head in the sand while suffocating slowly.

If only I knew then what I knew today.

My outlook on life had been somewhat more positive beginning from my sixteenth birthday, as it was a firm belief of mine that life begun at sixteen. The familiar low hum of the SphereVision was all but extinct because I had decided to give up a rather pathetic dependency on it.

In it's place I tried reacquainting myself with Machina, but I sadly found the magic and wonder it once held for me was now dull and diminished. It was just a simple, logical science now.

Surprisingly I had been reading the ancient Al Bhed scriptures in the attic and teaching myself the old tongue. It was tedious and complicated but took up a delightful amount of time, though as I read I begun to ignite with injustice at the full extent of the hardships my early people had suffered by the hands of Yevon.

In truth I had always known, but I considered it dead history, if it wasn't affecting me so I felt I didn't't have to care.

My mother had dedicated her adolescence to defending the world and preserving the Al Bhed culture, she had put her very life on the line to save the very people that had ridiculed and despised her simply for her heritage. Once upon a time I didn't believe I would ever do what she did.

My mother believed in change, she did not fear it but instead embraced it, change was her motivation to defend her life for a world that did not accept her, she needed to believe that she could change society's misconceptions about the Al Bhed people, and that's exactly what she did.

If one wants to move on from a less then desirable situation I think they need to accept change and embrace it. I had already accepted that Jame was no longer in my life but I hadn't yet taken on the mentality that change could very well be the thing I needed in my life.

* * *

"Neeka, get out of the attic, you have dust allergies" Mum called out from the foot of the stairs, her voice echoing of the cold stone walls of the attic. She cared not for the fact I had practically been living in the attic and my deeply tanned skin was succumbing to a pasty albino shade, but rather well, dust.

I didn't even think to reply as I begun flicking through an aged photo-album with dry pages that were crinkled up like prunes. I'd seen these photos many times, of strange people and exotic locations I didn't recognise, but back then I had been too young to take vague interest in the stories behind the photographs. It was just dead history.

"Neeks, remember when your throat swelled up like a puffer fish and you nearly died" mum pressed, cautiously descending down the termite ravaged stairs. Of course it was a rhetorical question, near death experiences aren't so easily forgotten as opposed to the last time you cleaned your ears out.

See the problem with me is that I had always been a bit sickly in comparison to the rest of my family. I was always prone to falling victim to ailments such as: desert fever, allergies, falls and psychotic malfunctioning robots. Whereas Khan was always strong, clever, athletic, and mum and dad will go down in history as magnificent warriors … which leaves me in the dust.

"That was cause was peanuts, not dust, and yes I remember quite vividly thanks" I replied, noticeably shuddering as memories of my constricting chest, vain gasping breaths and Khan poking me with worry came tumbling at once in quick disturbing flashes.

"You were always a little bit delicate, a pre-mature birth as well, maybe that's it" Mum scooted next to me and made herself comfortable on a large stack of tomes.

"Don't condemn me" I sulked

"I'm not condemning you, when I was your age I wasn't the strongest Al Bhed going around and I had a paralysing fear of lightening … thanks to our charming Brother"

"Mum, you had already changed the world at my age, and you were all buffed up"

"Yeah I know, but really my point is don't be cynical, your still a baby in my eyes and you don't have to be the next Lord Braska to be a significant person"

"I'll never be as good as Khan at machina"

"Khan is a boy possessed, there is more to this world then fighting and machina, the only problem is you haven't seen any of it yet, well properly anyway"

"Are you giving me permission to leave home?"

"Well when your ready" mum replied with a tight smile, though the tone in her voice implied that I wouldn't't be ready until I was at least on the edge of forty five years old.

Turning a page of the album, I coughed into my hand as lifed dust danced in the stale air. Mum made a move to take the album from my grasp but instead begun to stare intently at one of the photos.

"Vegnagun" she whispered simply

"That's Vegnagun?"

I studied the background of the photo which was focused on a large cheering crowd and in the distance I could spot the darkened shapes of three men on a high balcony, probably giving a speech.

"It's just the Luca Stadium, before it was re-constructed obviously, that was a very important day in Spiran history, its when the three independent governments decided to band together after the destruction of Vegnagun"

"Oh, but what's Vegnagun?"

"Vegnagun was\ an enormous piece of sociopathic machina hidden underground in Bevelle, it could have desolated Spira with a single blast" Mum answered brightly

"I assume you had a helping hand in destroying it?"

"The last major battle I ever really fought, kinda miss the action, when your in a battle it's just you and the fiend, nothing else really matters but what your fighting for, everything else just fades in the backdrop"

"I'll never experience that" My stomach kind of did a little kick and a drop, because I wasn't much of a fighter and what mum was describing to me had to be the most exhilarating feeling you could feel … I felt, in a way almost cheated, like I would never experience every aspect of life.

"There is a large emphasis on battle in the world, but believe me when I say it's not everything, there are better and greater things in the world that warriors sometimes forget exist"

"I always was the boring one in the family"

"Your not boring, how many other Al Bhed princesses are there in Spira, and you just haven't found yet what you really love … it was never as easy for you as Khan, and in a way I am glad because it means you can really branch yourself out"

"You don't want me to be a Machina Engineer or Warrior" I asked with a sly smile

"Be whatever you want, just be yourself" and with that final word she kissed my head and made her way out of the basement, her feet loudly banging on the rotting steps"

"I'm telling your dad to fix these stairs before one of us ends up crippled" she added.

* * *

That night I stared into the mirror, not just a sweeping glance as I brushed my hair but for the first time I really stared hard at my face. A mix of my parents stood out blatantly before me, it wasn't as beautiful as one would assume, nor was it ugly, just plain with a standout set of my mothers stunning green eyes.

I wasn't a warrior as my mother was, nor the captivating beauty but I did share her eyes, and I think in a way our hearts did beat as one.

As long as we shared a heart I could be capable of great things.

The world wasn't going to last forever, time always moved forward, always moving until I just wanted to freeze everything frame by frame and never miss another beautiful scenery, another historical moment, or another one of my brothers smiles.

Yes, forever certainly didn't exist, it was time to leave and it meant I had to move now, and with that final thought I opened Khans map and begun to study.


	19. Breakaway

**Chapter 19: Breakaway**

* * *

When you're a child the few kilometres that surround you is your entire world. You never really think about what else is out there, and you don't even contemplate growing apart and breaking away from the pack because … well it's your entire world.

This desert, right here is my entire world, and although beautiful I crave oceans and green pastures … even if the sight of large amounts of water makes me feel queasy in the stomach.

I had been studying the map hardcore for the last week, marking out routes, avoiding shortcuts and creating a plan. I would take enough food to live off until I got to Djose, before stocking up there and making my way down to the Thunder Plains … my ultimate aim was to reach Guadosalam in two months time.travelling

I would have to live it rough, and eat stale bread and canned goods but if that was the cost of and independence then I was prepared to do it.

Though before I left there was one loose tie that had to be dealt with, and that tie was Jame.

It's not like it was ever going to be easy, I had never properly apologised to anyone in my life over anything that really mattered, so I had no idea what to say or where to begin.

Should I sphere?

Should I write a letter?

Should I do it face to face?

Face to face seemed the most appropriate, I suppose it was more respectful and secretly it was more punishing because I had to look him in the eye, and if he brushed me off I would have to physically walk away. The cons outweighed the positives, but then again beggars cant be choosers.

* * *

The sun blazed across my face as I trekked down Jame's house. I knew paralysing blind fear would do me absolutely no benefit so I tried to remain numb and vacant.

It needed to be done, I might as well be as calm about it as possible.

So I walked forward, trying to convince myself it was just another day, another walk, another day in the life … of maybe someone else's life, but not my own.

In the back of my mind I felt ridiculous, I didn't even know what to say, what would anyone say in this situation?

It felt strange following this old trail to his house, like I'd just warped myself back in time. For a short moment I'd pretended nothing had ever changed, trying to capture the long dormant feelings of butterflies and excitement as I visited my long-time crush.

It was a sweet kind of innocence, a kind I didn't recognise "back then", now I couldn't even remember feeling like that anymore. There was just a null and void feeling in the pit of my gut, my only source of excitement was my own obsession with independence and leaving home.

So I saw the faded blue house in the distance, standing out vividly in a sea of swirling orange and yellow.

I let my fingers trail along his rusted wire fence, and although I didn't mean to …

I let myself smile.

* * *

Jame was working on a beaten up old hover when I crept through his gate like some sort of Bandai Ninja, he was completely immersed in it, only stopping to swear when he accidentally burnt himself.

He looked up slowly, expression impassive.

"Hey Neeka" said Jame plainly, and begun to search around for a screwdriver.

If there was ever an anti-climax in my life this was definitely it. I'd expected him to yell, threaten, warn me to get off his property, but he didn't.

In a way maybe this "indifference" was a lot worse then his anger.

"Hey Jame" I replied sitting casually on the dusty step, warm sunshine beating down on me, trying match up to whatever game he was playing, if he was even playing one.

"Took you long enough" He replied lightly, a small smirk playing on his lower lip.

"Thought I'd give you some time" I shot back with a large pretty smile, though with unintentional malice.

"Right" He murmured but he gave me the pleasure of his full attention anyway and put down his tools, leaning back against the hover.

"So how ya been?" It was probably a stupid question to ask, but I couldn't think of any others really and I don't think writing down a list of them would have been much help wither.

"Been getting a lot of work at Rins Hover Repairs, it's kept me busy"

"That's a nice hover you have there" I noted, nodding my head towards the hover Jame was working on.

Jame merely nodded in reply, though his demeanour was cold I could still sense a glint of pride in his eye.

"So you look well" I started nervously, wondering how long polite chit chat could drag itself out.

"Thanks, you look … a bit tubbier around the tummy region Neeks." Jame remarked half-jokingly

Although I was completely aware I wasn't currently at my best level of physique, it still annoyed me and I had to stop myself from making a biting remark at his attempt of facial hair.

"This was never supposed to be easy" I soothed to myself

"Though you've grown into your face, I'll admit that" He added quickly, perhaps after noticing my face darken considerably.

"Well thankyou"

"I've _always _spoken honestly, remember"

Ahh, and there it was, the sarcastic biting comment that would further lead me on to my long awaited apology.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for the thingie with the media and my parents" I blurted, face blending in nicely with the blood red paint shimmering of Jame's hover.

"Ohh, the accusing me of selling my best friend and girlfriends problems to the media "thingie"?"

"Yeah, that thingie" I confirmed quietly, a new wave of shame hitting me.

"Don't worry about it Neeks, I got over it, if anything it taught me a very important lesson" Jame told me with a patient smile.

The wave of shame was diminished by a strong cleansing wave of relief.

"That lesson is women will ultimately, always let you down"

The wave of relief disappeared, great, I'd permanently scarred his entire trust in the female race.

"A little but presumptuous isn't it?" I defended.

"Smile Neeka, I'm not angry" He laughed, and when I looked closely at him I noticed he was right.

There didn't seem to be any biting anger hidden behind his smile, any bitter feelings stilled in his eyes or any sign of unresolved feelings.

Yeah, he'd just come to the realisation that all women were fiends.

Great.

So I listened to him, and I smiled, maybe it was the kind of smile that you'd use if someone had held a gun to your head, but I still listened.

"It was nice seeing you again" I told him, and he nodded in perhaps agreement.

I turned to leave, fingers trailing across the old wire fence when I heard his voice call me back.

"Everything is a learning experience, don't you think, and for what it's worth I think we were a good one"

"Yeah, I think you might be right there" I called back.

Then I left.

And there it was, the apology, and maybe the end of a long arc.

Maybe, he was right, maybe everything was a learning experience.

But letting go, well

This was one lesson I never wanted to learn.

* * *

When I got home I found dinner and dad waiting for me.

"Hey dad"

"Just fixing the stairs before someone breaks a neck" he told me quickly, like he needed a strong explanation to be here.

"That's … nice" and then I laughed.

I couldn't help it, dad didn't say anything remotely funny, but everything at that moment seemed hilarious.

James offhand forgiveness, the map, my dads presence, the termite eaten stairs … everything.

I think maybe, it was just funny the way my life had turned so quickly, so fiercely, so painfully and so heartbreakingly that all I could do was laugh about it now.

And when I saw dads confused face as I left the table, I begun to laugh even more until I heard him call out "Rikku I think there's something wrong with Neekie"

Then I saw the television which showed the ravaged Guadosalam and I whispered softly to myself.

"Nothing is wrong with me at all"

* * *

Often late at night I like to make up lists in my head, it's usually when I cant sleep and it almost always helps.

The list for tonight was "Reasons I should stay here for the time being", I don't know if I was just looking for reasons to procrastinate my eventual journey, but I figured it was something worth thinking about.

**1. Mum needs me, that and she'll kill me if I leave.**

Well okay, but she seemed to accept Khan leaving better then I'd anticipated, and she'll get over the death threats eventually.

**2. I'm not old enough to leave.**

Well mum saved the world when she was fifteen from an ancient retarded fish-thing, why am I too young to merely backpack?

**3. I'll run out of food and come crawling back within a week, which will scar my independence horribly**

That will NOT happen, full stop.

**4. I'm an Al Bhed, my place is in the desert.**

Well I should find that out for myself.

For every argument I dreamed up I managed to dream up a rather logical counter argument which then further emphasised my procrastination.

My thoughts were interrupted by the high tinkled laughter coming from the front patio and the low inaudible voices. Curiosity is something that had always plagued me and usually took form in that of spying.

So in the form of "Detective Neeka", I decided to investigate. Peeking through the old flywire door I watched the source of the voices.

Of course it was my parents, they were sitting casually under the dark sky, joking and drinking wine.

"So, Khans been spending a lot of late nights, or early mornings in a room other then his own" Dad smirked as my skin crawled at thought of what he was implying.

Mum laughed loudly taking a large sip of wine.

"I'm his mother, please don't tell me these things!"

"I'm quite proud of him actually, from what I've seen of this girl" Dad added.

"I don't want to hear these details about my son, Gippal … what does she look like?"

"Lets just say if I were 20 something years younger …" he trailed.

Mum hit him playfully and returned to her glass of wine.

"He grew up way too quickly" she sighed.

"We did a good job with him in the least, and Neeka, she's becoming quite something now"

"She just needs to find confidence in herself"

"She'll find it, she's got us as parents remember?" Dad stated loudly.

"Who'd of thought as we were celebrating the defeat of Vegnagun, we'd be partially divorced with two kids years later"

"Eh, I decided I was going to marry you when I was three"

"I cant decide whether that's creepy or not" Mum laughed, probably deciding it wasn't.

"If we're partially divorced that means we are still partially married right?" Dad questioned, suddenly serious.

"If you want to look at it that way" Mum replied slowly, her voice hinting deep unresolved confusion.

"Then what's stopping us now" Dad continued

"I don't know Gippal, I really just don't know"

They both sighed and look out far into the desert sky.

* * *

No disappointment seeped through me, no anger.

Nothing really, because finally I just understood.

People do grow apart, and they wont always grown back.

The word sorry, no matter how many times said wont always heal you.

There are just some wounds that run so deep, and the feeling of betrayal too strong to fade right away.

Time will only tell with these things, as time changes people change.

It was then, at that moment I'd decided to leave for my journey tomorrow morning.

Not all endings are happily ever after, but then whose to say what really is the end?


	20. Epilogue

**Chapter 20 - Epilogue**

* * *

I stared out my window, an inner peace flowing through me like it hadn't in some time.

I felt free, like I had just come out of a long coma

I was breathing again and the world seemed so colourful, so inspiring.

I smiled sadly as I begin to read over the letter I was planning to leave for mum.

_**Dear Mum,**_

**I'm sorry I couldn't of told you I was planning to leave.  
One look at your face would of put me off the idea.  
It's not that I don't love it here, it's the desert, it's my home and it always will be It's just that I think I've been here long enough The world is a scary place, and it's only going to get scarier it I don't see it for myself.  
Please don't worry about me.  
I'll be fine.  
We're more alike then you know**

_**Love Neeka**_

I softly placed the letter on my already made bed and picked up my bag and swung it over my shoulder.

The sun was threatening to rise and I knew it was time to leave.

I looked at my room one last time, it had seen the best moments of my life, survived the worst of my moods and had been the safest place in the world for me.

A true smile broke erupted on my face, and I laughed softly.

I was really doing it

I quietly left my room, crept down the hall, trailed my fingers across the old beige circular table and exited the house through the old flywire door

Then I begun my own adventure, whatever it may be.

The sun had risen.

I was mended, a broken doll no longer.

* * *

**_A/N:_ That concludes the final chapter in Neeka's story, thankyou for everyone who has taken the time to read this. I'm not much of a writer, but I adored the experience of finally finishing a story. I could not have done it without the truly awe-inspiring reviews I've been blessed enough to receive. Thankyou all so very much.**


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